In 1983 Hollywood mogul David Geffen pledged to open a public pathway from PCH to the beach in exchange for Coastal Commission permission to build his Cape Cod-style compound across several beachfront lots. The pathway remained blocked for two decades due to government inaction and then was tied up in court for three years as Geffen’s lawyers raised a series of legal arguments which were ultimately rejected.

On Thursday beachgoers were finally able to access the ocean in front of David Geffen’s Malibu estate. And now you can too! Here’s the address:

The David Geffen Estate
22114/22126 Pacific Coast Hwy.
Malibu, CA 90265
map and directions

Tourists, large families and the creepy are strongly encouraged to visit. But be careful, security guards are on watch for anyone crossing onto Geffen property. And please try to keep it down–Keanu’s a light sleeper.

Superagent Scott Boras continued his assault on the National Pastime by orchestrating a last minute $4 million signing bonus with the LA Angels for former Long Beach State pitching ace Jered Weaver.

“He hasn’t pitched competitively in a year, and we’re not sure what kind of shape he’s in,” said Angels GM Bill Stoneman. But that didn’t stop him from offering the younger brother of Dodger pitcher Jeff Weaver the seventh-highest bonus in draft history for players signing with the team that selected them.

Weaver originally sought a signing package in the $10 million range before dropping his asking price to $8 million in March to $6 million last week. So the Angels probably feel like they got a bargain.

The deal marked another victory for Agent to the Stars, Scott Boras. Boras, the man behind Kevin Brown’s seven year, $105 million contract with the Dodgers (thanks for taking Brownie off our payroll, Steinbrenner) and A-Rod’s $50,000 dollar-per-blink deal, was later seen hunched over wearing a top coat and cape and twirling his handlebar moustache.

See the full calendar with links to buy tickets and our recommendations at losanjealous.com/shows

***Recommended Show of the Week***
Bloc Party @ El Rey
Cherish them now before corporate radio and Madison Avenue condition you to hate them.

MONDAY
Anthony B, Rupee @ UCLA Jazz Reggae Festival
Open Hand @ Troubadour

TUESDAY
PINE*am @ Amoeba Music (FREE)
Crystal Skulls, Headphones @ Troubadour
Mobius Band @ Cinespace

WEDNESDAY
Fischerspooner @ Henry Fonda
Monade (Laetitia Sadier of Stereolab) @ Troubadour

THURSDAY
Pixies @ Wiltern (two shows)
Out Hud @ Spaceland
Caesars, Golden Republic @ Troubadour
Caesars @ Tower Sunset

FRIDAY
Bloc Party @ El Rey
Pixies @ Wiltern (two shows)
Of Montreal @ Vanguard

SATURDAY
Bloc Party @ El Rey
Mars Volta @ Greek Theater
Get Up Kids @ House of Blues

SUNDAY
Thou shalt remember to keep holy Black Sabbath.

You can also subscribe to our weekly Concert Calendar email by sending a message to
losanjealous-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Stealing hooks from Snoop Dogg and Beastie Boys, satirical Welsh rappers Goldie Lookin Chain’s mad performance brought satisfaction for the small crowd that gathered on May 25 at the Troubadour.

No matter how hard this 8-man crew “practices” their dance routines, rapping in unison and in harmony, inharmoniously, their show is not the usual one-dimensional gangsta rap or hip-hop concert. There is no DJ and hardly any crotch-grabbing (though they love to draw attention to their penises and tattooed bullocks). GLC also provide ample accidents and incidences for those with attention deficit and enough obvious gags for the thick to know when to laugh. It’s a circus for the dim mixed with genius moments such as when GLC gave a nod to Vanilla Ice, bawling out “Ice Ice, dildo” during their set.

GLC seem to be making a little money on this tour. They’re wearing more expensive track suits and new Ts bearing messages like “Ron Jeremy ‘04″, an embarrassing advertisement of California’s pop culture and political disasters.

Not only did the GLC teach the audience how not to dress, they also instructed how to sex up an uncooked ham. Money was well spent for that lesson and to see members of cooler-than-thou LA scene-sters raising the roof on “Shit To Me” and “Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do,” the crowd pleasers of the night.

“I thought the show was great,” said Joyce, an attendee and member of GLC’s fanclub. “The best part was when they were all doing the robot during Half Man Half Machine. Gut bustlingly funny. And there was a collision between two of the GLC dudes. Funny show, great songs. Hilarity ensues!”

Further hamming it up, GLC tricked the audience by walking off just seconds before ending with the popular “Your Mother’s Got a Penis” which created waves of sighs and hysterics.

To really appreciate GLC is too see them live after having a reefer or two, but judging by the smiles it’s safe as fuck to assume everyone went home, or to an afterparty, happy.

Photos by Audree. More pics at audballtunes.

Attention LA geeks: physics enthusiast Matt Shaw will be at Machine Project on Saturday for an entertaining talk on quantum computing for beginners.

Matt will be covering what quantum mechanics is, what makes it different from the physics of the everyday world, and why one might be motivated to use quantum systems for information processing.

Personally, I’ll be waiting for the intermediate class but you guys should go.

Quantum Computing for Beginners
8pm Saturday May 28th, 2005
Machine Project
1200 D North Alvarado Street
Los Angeles, CA 90026
(213) 483-8761

map and directions

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation’s service. What better way to commemorate this solemn occasion than bowling with 74 of LA’s top C-list adult movie stars?

Get your mind into the gutter with the fifth annual Bowling for Scholars event, sponsored by Protecting Adult Welfare and the Southern California Chapter of the Video Software Dealers Association, this Sunday, May 29. The cost is $30 per person or $125 for a team of five bowlers.

It isn’t really clear which scholars are being bowled for, but I’m sure a thorough screening process will forward proceeds to the most worthy of recipients.

Bowling for Scholars
Sunday, May 29 8:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m.
Palos Verdes Bowl
24600 Crenshaw Blvd.
Torrance, CA 90505
(310) 326-5120

map and directions

Our favorite mall to Angeleno-gawk, The Grove, is planning to open an American Girl® retail branch in 2006, just the 3rd in the country. And these ain’t your mothers’ dolls. “Molly McIntire® is a lively, lovable schemer and dreamer growing up in 1944. The world is at war, and she misses her father who is overseas caring for wounded soldiers … ” So begins the backstory of Molly, one of the 10 “characters” from the high-end doll phenomenon owned by Mattel. You see, the American Girl® characters come from a wide range of “American” experiences across the 200+ years of our nation. There’s Kaya, the Native American in 1764; Addy, the escaped slave in 1864; Kit, the Midwesterner in the Great Depression, among others. See, it’s progressive American history (accessories not included). Howard Zinn must have the whole set of these dollies. To further give each character a sense of era, there are all sorts of props that go with each.

So let’s have a look at the merch. $84 is the base price for any of the dolls. So you’re already in for a Benjamin just to get started with this stuff. And that’s so just the beginning. This is a whole culture you are buying into. Using at that “lively, lovable schemer and dreamer” Molly, as an example, let’s look at the add-ons. Of course you have to have Molly’s Beach Chair ($20), Molly’s 1944 swimsuit ($24), Molly’s camping equipment ($18), Molly’s Dude Ranch Outfit ($24). And if Molly gets tired of standing, there’s Molly’s Chrome Table and Chairs ($65). The best part is that there is an accompanying series of books for each character that chronicals the adventures of your doll for you. There are over 20 (!) “Molly” books alone (such page-turners as “Molly Learns a Lesson” and “Molly’s Surprise”). Why have your girls imagine their own adventures for their dolls when Mattel can write them out and sell them to you?

Can’t you just see the trophy wives and their spoiled brats lined up at The Grove now? While you’re there snarking on them, grab some enchiladas at Loteria Grill and hoist a pitcher to American history and capitalism. Mainly the latter.

Rare is the occasion when you can find not one but two of my favorite local djs at the same venue and contribute to a worthy cause at the same time. And yet this Saturday at the First Street Arts Colony, you can do just that.

Aurelito and Shakespeare will be bringing the mobile sound system to the masses alongside hottie dj herself. The rest of the billing is a veritable laundry list of underground hip-hoppers, djs and rockers including members of ozomatli, the rebirth, very be careful, ammoncontact, daedelus and dublab. Get your tickets now before the price goes up $5. I will be busy losing my money in Las Vegas with a full mustache* in tow, so if anybody attends I will need to know if this event is any good.

Afterward if your craving for underground art and the hard-partying lifestyle in gritty downtown isn’t fully sated, head over to the swindle magazine #3 release party a few blocks away. I really don’t have any information other than this flyer, but shep fairey is known to throw a decent party.

*true

A recently-discovered fault running beneath downtown LA could kill up to 18,000 people if it ruptured in a major earthquake, geologists said Wednesday.

Did you just crap your pants? Let’s put things in perspective:

1) The Puente Hills fault has caused a mere four known quakes of magnitude 7.2 to 7.5 in the past 11,000 years. That’s about one Big One every 3,000 years. Yawn.
2) LA County’s total population is 9.8 Million. So in a worst-case scenario we’re only losing 0.18% fellow Angelenos. I like those odds.
3) High-end estimates assume the quake occurs on a weekday afternoon, when downtown population is at its peak. This limits the death window to about 30 business hours a week. Wake me when it’s over.
4) We can’t get enough of lesbian earthquake expert, Kate Hutton, either. Bring it on.

In related news the nation remains at Yellow Alert: Significant Risk of Terrorist Attacks.

Check out the latest tremors and the NBC Seismocam.

Zankou Chicken’s first Westside location at Sepulveda and Santa Monica is thriving in its first few months of business and is sure to siphon off a fair amount of nearby Koo Koo Roo’s action. A recent Sunday night saw ZK packed with a lively mix of olive-skinned extended families, yuppies in workout gear and J.Lo velours (no doubt coming from the nearby Sports Club L.A.), and a few Persian entrepreneurs. There is still that new restaurant chaos of workers-in-training behind the counter, slowing down the take out but this is sure to tighten up.

While the Santa Monica-founded Koo Koo Roo led the way with So Cal step-above-fast-food healthy eating, with its famous skinless chicken, it now seems to be a chain in search of its soul. Down to 17 So Cal locations, the ‘Roo menu has in recent years mutated to include trendy items such as wraps and rice bowls, with some locations now even serving hamburgers (supplied by Fuddrucker’s). They’ve also brought in this strange pseudo-tropical colorful interior decoration that for some reason darkens the restaurants. Perhaps not coincidental to these constant shifts for marketshare, the chain was bought out by Texas-based Magic Restaurants (Fuddruckers’ parent co. as well) in 2003.

You also have to wonder if the trending of SoCal tastes away from skinless Koo Koo Roo to skin-on Zankou can be attributed to the cult of Atkins that doesn’t shy away from the grease. (The ‘Roo started offering a skin-on “rotisserie” version of their chicken, but it was more of a bastard stepchild to the skinless “original.” It usually disappointed with pinky legs and dried out breasts.) Being name-checked by Beck didn’t hurt ZK either.

At this 6th Zankou location (#7 due in Burbank shortly), the Middle Eastern-based menu is as reliable a meal you can expect in the sub-$10 range. The shawerma pita sandwiches may have been rebranded as “wraps” for the Westside ZK’s menu, but they are unchanged: tasty garlicky tri-tip rolled with a sesame dressing. If only they would use a thicker flatbread that doesn’t disintegrate, they’d be even better. But this is quibbling. The chicken, of course, is their star and it did not disappoint. Their ovens get it just right, drying the wings out to twigs while keeping the breast moist. Koo Koo Roo’s rotisserie spits seem more and more like a visual prop when you compare the output. The Zankou chicken ovens are like iron lungs, hiding their secret business within. Which brings us to The Sauce–a whipped buttery-garlic concoction, which is doled out sparingly in amounts specified on the menu at other locations (”1 Whole Chicken, 3 garlics”), flows freely at the Westside ZK. A recent order of a whole chicken, a “wrap,” and a side of hummus, netted 5 cups of garlic sauce. I masked my excitement at the bounty of garlic sauce (no doubt somewhat ashamed that this minor treat should bring any kind of excitement). Surely this is a new restaurant attempting to get a new clientele addicted. 12-Step Zankou programs are sure to sprout up along the Westside.

Here’s the scoop from the good folks at Little Radio…

———-

Little Radio presents BRMC w/ secret guest.
Saturday May 28th @ the Little Radio Warehouse

Here’s the deal with tickets for the show:

when: THIS FRIDAY @ 12pm
where: Sea Level Records 1716 W. Sunset Blvd - Echo Park

Less than 200 tickets will be available. 2 Tickets per person Max. $10 per Ticket.

We’ll also be broadcasting live on littleradio.com from Sea Level with guest djs dropping by. Once these tickets are gone, that’s it. There’ll be no tickets sold at the door and the guest list is closed. At 2 tickets per person, it’ll sell out fast.

———

And don’t forget to buy your Bloc Party tickets tomorrow. Those shows will definitely sell out.
More show info on our Concerts Page

Let’s see, what’s in the news today? Eh, you might have seen this story. It seems that, eh, the vacuous host of the profoundly unfunny Tonight Show, Jay Leno, was, eh, called to the witness stand to testify for… his crimes against comedy. No but seriously folks, Leno was subpoenaed by the defense in the MJ trial. Apparently they think Leno can help them out with the account of a solicitation call he received from the plaintiffs. Leno will be sweating on the stand more than the Pope and Bill Clinton at Pamela Anderson’s house for a Desperate Housewives party. No need for floatation devices in that pool! Am I right, Kevin? Ooowee, that’s right, massa! And here’s a funny headline: “For Sale: 12-speed dike, $125.” I wonder what speed she likes best, if you get my drift! See, it’s funny because it says “dike,” when it should say “bike.” Stupid proofreaders. Now let’s ask this lady walking down Melrose if she can spell “Schwarzenegger.” I bet the idiot can’t even spell it!

At press time, there was no word on which of the 4,396 cars Leno owns drove him up to Santa Maria.

UPDATED: The Smoking Gun has a report on Leno’s testimony, including the nauseating detail that he left the witness stand by announcing to the courtroom that Renee Zellweger is on tonight’s show.

Carl’s Jr, through its ad agency, has launched an amazing new burger campaign guaranteed to inspire a variety of reactions. Amazing, sexy, sultry, burger, spicy, hot! Barf.

The saddest part may be that these campaigns have a tendency to work ridiculously well. The server couldn’t handle its traffic today and thanks to past campaigns, Carl is already up $1.4 billion in sales from $1 billion last year. Yes - that’s billion with a “B”. They’ll probably find themselves with the most successful campaign of the year. Media has created Hilton and Hilton is NEWS, and we must all live with that knowledge for a very long time. I’m even doing them a service by posting this. Damn it! See how they got me to work for them!

A black bear surprised residents of a San Fernando Valley home by taking a dip in a backyard pool Sunday evening. The Department of Fish and Game tranquilized the bear which was later released into the Santa Susana Mountains.

In related news, San Fernando Valley adult film actress and California gubernatorial recall runner-up, Mary Carey, will be attending a dinner with President Bush in Washington, D.C. on June 14th. Carey will also attend a meeting with presidential advisor Karl Rove, offering recommendations on important national issues.

See the full calendar with links to buy tickets and our recommendations at losanjealous.com/shows

***Recommended Show of the Week***
Christopher O’Riley @ Royce Hall (Elliott Smith Tribute Premiere)
O’Riley is an LA Resident known for his classical piano renditions of Radiohead songs. He’s recently been obsessing over Elliott Smith and will unveil his tribute at UCLA on Thursday.

Monday 5/23
Mike Doughty @ Troubadour
Greg Proops Chat Show w/ Dave Eggers @ Largo
Kaki King @ Knitting Factory

Tuesday 5/24
Dears @ El Rey
Caribou @ Spaceland
Zach Galifinakas NPR Special @ Largo
Nikka Costa @ Roxy
Shelby Lynne @ Amoeba (FREE)

Wednesday 5/25
Goldie Lookin Chain @ Troubadour

Thursday 5/26
Smog @ Amoeba (FREE)
Trail of the Dead, International Noise Conspiracy @ Wiltern
Maktub @ Temple Bar
Christopher O’Riley @ Royce Hall (Elliott Smith Tribute Premiere)
Boom Bip, Fog @ Echo

Friday 5/27
Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra @ Knitting Factory
Peter Murphy @ Henry Fonda
Icarus Line @ Troubadour

Saturday 5/28
Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra @ Echo
Stereo Total, The Gossip @ Knitting Factory
Pigeon John @ Temple Bar
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club @ Little Radio Warehouse

Sunday 5/29
india.arie, Roy Hargrove, Dwele @ UCLA Jazz Reggae Festival

You can also subscribe to our weekly Concert Calendar email by sending a message to
losanjealous-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

As reported earlier, the Dears played a free show at Hollywood and Highland on Thursday right across from the Oakley and Victoria’s Secret stores. Audree’s photos below.

View the entire album at audballtunes.

NOTE: We hereby enforce a 90-day moratorium on all Dears-related posts. We promise.