Tony Robbins Descends on Los Angeles

Tony Robbins brings his traveling self-betterment circus “Unleash the Power Within” to the Los Angeles Convention Center this Friday through Monday. The event, which outgrew its planned Hollywood Palladium venue, is sold out. Our NYC friends can plan ahead for their chance to unleash their power within this September 16-19. Tickets come at four levels: General Level – $795, Executive Level – $1095, VIP Level – $1395, Diamond Level – $1995. Snake oil is $40 a bottle. Now if only there was some clever pun to be make using his name and the act of taking money. Hmmm.

As a service to those that could not get tickets, losanjealous will share some of Tony’s secret teachings at no charge: Make goals, work towards your goals daily, exercise, eat better, don’t let emotions interfere with financial matters, and finally, get the hell off your sofa already, you lazy sack of crap. There you go. You’re welcome.

To hear it in his own words, check his website. Here’s a sampling:

Your optimal program consists of the live event with Tony Robbins – plus powerful One-on-One coaching. Diamond, VIP, and Executive level tuition includes one complimentary Breakthrough to Results Coaching Session. Additional Coaching is available for $295/mo.

Diamond and VIP level tuition also includes, at no additional charge, a customized Behavioral Assessment ($225 value), which will provide you with tremendous personal insight.

And apparently, there is actual barefoot hot coal walking as well. Great, because you never know when you’ll have to duel a Jedi on Mustafar, barefoot.

Check out his message boards for some truly delusional, unintentionally hilarious banter (as message board banter often can be). You will find yourself shouting to your monitor, causing co-workers to peak over their cubicles, IF YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE IS SO GODDAMNED IMPROVED THANKS TO TONY, WHY THE HELL DO YOU WASTE ALL GODDAMNED DAY ON THIS MESSAGE BOARD? Or maybe that’s just me.