Los Angeles-based model-turned-designer Paige Adams-Gellar (phew! hyphen overload!) has stepped up to address a desperate need in the marketplace for another brand of $200 jeans.

A failed actress and USC alum, Paige is a jeans model, and apparently, the jeans model for the industry–her figure was used by many designers as the basis for the cuts that normal-bodied females are torturing their bodies to stuff themselves into. Then she had the revelation that she could also make lots of cash in the high margin jeanswear game. Her new line follows in the large footsteps of the Vernon-based (Vernon!) 7 Jeans, pioneers of the overpriced, overhyped local jeans market.

Paige Premium Denim looks to exploit the high-end pants market with a distinctly local twist–varieties of her jeans come with cute names like “Little Santa Monica Crop,” “Mulholland Drive Twill Trouser” and “Laurel Canyon 5 Pocket” (the favorite style of that sitcom actress whose movie star husband left her for that movie actress). Here is an insanely detailed analysis of the differences of the cuts and fabrics. Sporting these at the Beverly Coffee Bean is sure to help land you an extra role in a mansion party scene on Entourage.

LACMA joins the summer blockbuster fray with it’s monster King Tut exhibit which opens today, following last night’s opening gala. Photos from the event are here. Who knew Drew Barrymore was into Tut?

Sure, you could go see that little Margaret Killagan thing at REDCAT, but we know you like your art to come BIG.

This Stateside tour of artifacts related to the ancient Egyptian deity Tutankhamun (or simply, “Tut,” as he was known to friends) is being promoted as a “farewell tour.” (Alas, the Rolling Stones have made no such a promise.)

However, after you pay $30 for your ticket (adult weekend price), you might be slightly pissed off to learn that the most identifiable image of King Tut–the gilded burial mask–the very one displayed prominently on all the ads for the exhibit–is not included as part of the show. You’ll be all like, what’s up with that? How can I gets my Tut on proper without the burial mask?! Damn.

Redemption for this egregious exclusion, though, will come from the LACMA gift shop. Losanjealous has learned exclusively that there will be various King Tut-related items that one can purchase upon exiting the exhibit, to remind one that, yes, they did in fact see the King Tut exhibit at LACMA in 2005.

How many times is the following scene sure to play out on the streets of Los Angeles this coming summer:

“I say old chap, I see you’ve got yourself a King Tut t-shirt. Did you perchance happen to see the exhibit at LACMA? Is that 100% cotton? And if so, is it pre-shrunk?”

“Why, yes, as a matter of fact I did take in the exhibit. Hence my donning this t-shirt featuring King Tut’s image, to notify others, such as yourself, that, yes, in fact, I have seen the exhibit.”

“Brilliant! Your t-shirt has convinced me that I must see the exhibit as well. I do hope they have size XXL, as I am a stout lad, as you can no doubt see.”

Ladies and gentlemen – as soon as we’ve amassed $36.90 total (on sale from a dodgy-looking discount site), our little experiment begins. I will order a case of Stallone Pudding and subside on nothing but the pudding until it is gone. Not so much as a single green bean shall I eat until the pudding is gone. I am hoping to make the pudding last at least two weeks, and it is no exaggeration to say that I may very well die from lack of nutrition. The various risks will be determined by the doctors I discuss this experiment with prior to the beginning of the experiment.

The bottom line is that I will live the daily life of a Stallone inasmuch as I can. If that has to include sparring matches with Frank Stallone, so be it. Through pudding I will Stallone Size myself. Along with a team of doctors I will be measuring pudding effectiveness, pudding-to-body fat ratio, general stallone-appearance-generatingness, Italian Stallionness and tastiness. I will ultimately determine if, after one case of pudding (and nothing else), I look like Stallone in either face or body.

Is the proof indeed in the pudding? Click the button here to donate securely via paypal – visa or mastercard. Rest assured your payment is secure and the pudding will be eaten.

What are you waiting for… Stallone Size Me.

Bay Area artist Margaret Kilgallen’s unique approach to painting can be seen at the new exhibition “IN THE SWEET BYE & BYE” opening tonight at Redcat.

Her passion for folklore, craftsmanship and letterpress printing is evident throughout her work, from in her huge, bright murals to her small portraits of women, wanderers, surfers and hobos.

This is a posthumous showing as Kilgallen died of breast cancer at age 33 in 2001.

Opening reception: Wednesday, 15 June, 7pm to midnight
8pm – Live music by The Hallflowers, Peggy Honeywell, and Tommy Guerrero
10:30pm – Film screening of Bill Daniel’s Who is Bozo Texino?

Exhibition dates: 16 June – 21 August 2005

Phil Jackson will return to coach the Lakers next season. Jeanie Buss, Lakers Vice President and daughter of Lakers owner Jerry Buss, was instrumental in the reunion. Oh yeah, Jeanie is also Phil Jackson’s girlfriend of five years.

Jackson is expected to earn around $10 million a season, making him the highest paid coach in NBA history. Thanks Jeanie!

LA sports fans can now look forward to the Spurs sweeping the Lakers in the first round of next year’s NBA playoffs.

Related:
Jeanie Buss Executive Photograph

“The images in this film have not been sped up in any way.”

The style of photographer and video director David LaChapelle can’t be denied. Greased up celebrities and over-stylized, other-worldly scenes are his trademarks. LaChapelle puts the aesthetic into full-effect in this month’s release of “RIZE,” his feature documentary film debut.

The film captures the energy of a diverse form of dancing born out of the impoverished youth growing up in South Central LA. These kids want something better than the commercial Hip Hop stereotypes and gang-banging. They don’t shoot guns and sell drugs, they krump and clown.

Follow these Big Boyz and Little Mommas as they they take the battle to the floor. The LA release date is slated for June 24. For now, catch a sneak preview.

See the full calendar with links to buy tickets and our recommendations at losanjealous.com/shows/

***Recommended Show of the Week***
Keren Ann @ Buffalo Club
Israeli/Dutch/Javanese/Russian/French/New York singer-songwriter Keren Ann plays four LA shows this week, but we highly recommend checking out the sultry chanteuse at the classy Buffalo Club Wednesday night.

MONDAY
Hot Hot Heat @ Avalon
Hold Steady @ Troubadour
Lhasa @ Knitting Factory
Meat Beat Manifesto @ House of Blues
Josephine Foster, Molecules @ the Echo
Keren Ann @ Tangier

TUESDAY
Keren Ann @ Tangier
X @ Henry Fonda
The Coral @ Troubadour
Raveonettes @ Spaceland
Amos Lee @ Knitting Factory
Wilco & The Roots @ Greek Theater
Bright Eyes & The Faint @ Grand Olympic
Doves @ Wiltern
Stephen Malkmus @ El Rey
Michelle Shocked @ Amoeba (free)

WEDNESDAY
Keren Ann @ Buffalo Club
C Ray Walz @ Knitting Factory
Brigadier Jerry @ Echo
Raveonettes @ Spaceland

THURSDAY
Raveonettes @ Spaceland
Apostle of Hustle @ Echo
Irving, Alaska! @ Troubadour

FRIDAY
Aesop Rock, Mr. Lif @ Henry Fonda
Basement Jaxx, Royksopp @ Hollywood Bowl
Electrelane @ Troubadour
Blood Brothers @ El Rey
Keren Ann @ McCabe’s
Jude @ Largo
Juana Molina @ Knitting Factory

SATURDAY
Go-Betweens @ Troubadour
Jesse Sykes, Inara George @ El Cid

SUNDAY
Rilo Kiley, Feist @ Wiltern
Nikka Costa @ Temple Bar

You can also subscribe to our weekly Concert Calendar email by sending a message to
losanjealous-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Losanjealous was rocked by a 5.6 magnitude earthquake with an epicenter near Indio, CA (ok, ok – Anza to be precise) approximately three minutes ago. Me whole building and body all shaky folks. Now it’s off to wine country.

Don’t know what to do with your Sunday? Head to Ojai immediately and let the juicing begin. I’ve been invited to the Ojai Wine Festival by a friend and her cousin, a self-proclaimed “partially wine-knowledged person who is not a bonafide wine snob but a good person to be around at such a festival” …

Having known about this event for a good 48 hours now, I’m just now getting around to Googling it and finding out what’s going on. Apparently our ticket grants us access to the goods of 50 wineries and three breweries – not a bad haul for $25 advanced. I’m just glad I’m not the one driving us back to LA.

I promise to drunkenly phonetxt field reports tomorrow. We’ll be there when the gate opens so we can start guzzling as much delectable central coast swill as possible. Think sideways, folks. On that vein, is it just me or does the chairman of the festival bear more than a passing resemblance to a crazed Paul Giamatti?

Bloc Party @ El Rey, June 3rd & 4th

Before Bloc Party’s 2nd night at the El Rey, fans were exchanging war stories. The audience came out battered and bruised by the overly enthusiastic crowd from the night before and no one expected anything less from the Saturday crowd. But this time they were prepared for the madness – hopefully.

Crowned as the future of music, Bloc Party started the set off on a bad foot. On the first song, the drum kit fell apart, no doubt from the abuse being taking on the band’s current tour. Frontman, Kele Okereke told everyone just to pretend that didn’t happen and the band
picked up right from where they left off. In a second they were back on track.

In a bold move, the 3rd song Bloc Party played was their American, radio friendly hit “Banquet” which initiated a mosh pit, and ended with exuberant clapping and thunderous cheers from theaudience. It’s sometimes problematic for a band to top their radio hit, but Bloc Party did it again and at least twice. During “She’s Hearing Voices” and “Helicopter” the room was ablaze with energy.

Kele also took a stab at the scalpers on Ebay, where a third of each night’s tickets appeared. With a passionate”…fuck EBAY,” he denounced the use of the popular bidding site which had marked up prices twofold.

As musicians Bloc Party are no slackers – Matt Tong is a skilled and dynamic drummer that will hold the title, at least at this show, as most excitable to watch. If Bloc Party’s plan is to take over America they are well on their way. Loaded with jerky beats, infectious grooves, cool robotic instrumentation and uncomplicated lyrics nothing should hold them back from setting us on fire.

Check out the full set of photos on audballtunes.

Invader’s Rubikcubism exhibition opens Saturday night at sixspace from 7-10. Hopefully by then Invader will have found a far less creepy mask then the one he’s sporting on his homepage.

No joke, this one’s a must see. If you’re not there you’ll be required by law to turn in your indie badge.

sixspace
549 West 23rd Street
Los Angeles, CA 90007

map and directions

An online report claims “Hollywood realtor Joe Babajian is refusing to cash in on The Osbournes’ reality TV success as he attempts to sell the first family of rock’s Beverly Hills home – because he fears name-dropping will attract too many people who just want to look around.”

He goes on to say “We don’t want people to look at the house because it’s the Osbourne house.”

Joe, you might want to consider revising the copy at the beginning of your virtual tour:

This is a piece of TV History…
The first family of Rock ‘n’ Roll lives here…
Welcome to the Osboune Estate

You gotta hand it to him though–it’s a hell of a tour.

Those interested in seeing the property in person can schedule a showing.

Tony Robbins brings his traveling self-betterment circus “Unleash the Power Within” to the Los Angeles Convention Center this Friday through Monday. The event, which outgrew its planned Hollywood Palladium venue, is sold out. Our NYC friends can plan ahead for their chance to unleash their power within this September 16-19. Tickets come at four levels: General Level – $795, Executive Level – $1095, VIP Level – $1395, Diamond Level – $1995. Snake oil is $40 a bottle. Now if only there was some clever pun to be make using his name and the act of taking money. Hmmm.

As a service to those that could not get tickets, losanjealous will share some of Tony’s secret teachings at no charge: Make goals, work towards your goals daily, exercise, eat better, don’t let emotions interfere with financial matters, and finally, get the hell off your sofa already, you lazy sack of crap. There you go. You’re welcome.

To hear it in his own words, check his website. Here’s a sampling:

Your optimal program consists of the live event with Tony Robbins – plus powerful One-on-One coaching. Diamond, VIP, and Executive level tuition includes one complimentary Breakthrough to Results Coaching Session. Additional Coaching is available for $295/mo.

Diamond and VIP level tuition also includes, at no additional charge, a customized Behavioral Assessment ($225 value), which will provide you with tremendous personal insight.

And apparently, there is actual barefoot hot coal walking as well. Great, because you never know when you’ll have to duel a Jedi on Mustafar, barefoot.

Check out his message boards for some truly delusional, unintentionally hilarious banter (as message board banter often can be). You will find yourself shouting to your monitor, causing co-workers to peak over their cubicles, IF YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE IS SO GODDAMNED IMPROVED THANKS TO TONY, WHY THE HELL DO YOU WASTE ALL GODDAMNED DAY ON THIS MESSAGE BOARD? Or maybe that’s just me.

Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas continued her dually unstoppable winning and eating streaks today at Hollywood and Highland, earning the world popcorn title with 9.5 30-oz boxes of popcorn and two 30-oz boxes in double overtime at 1:00pm. She was pushed by #3-ranked eater Rich “The Locust” Lefevre into the second overtime, and was saved a third overtime by the grace of good judging.

As an official judge for this event, I can attest that it is a humbling experience to be in the presence of some of the greatest eaters and athletes in the world. As a promoter at this event, I can attest that it is even more humbling to wear a losanjealous.com t-shirt shamelessy all over the stage in front of the MTV, KTLA, Fox and various other cameras. No press is bad press, right?

I’m still wiping Rich Lefevre’s popcorn residue off my cheeks (this one was messy), but when that’s done I’ll offer a full recap from a judge’s perspective. MTV may also host a webcast version soon (I’m not sure), so I’ll let you know if that becomes available.

UPDATE
A condensed version of the video is now available at MTV. Be amazed. Be disgusted. Be entertained!

The Rose Bowl was voted off the LA NFL Stadium Reality TV show this week in a somber tribal council torch ceremony. Two contestants remain: the Coliseum and a parking lot adjacent to Angel Stadium in Anaheim.

Up for grabs is the logistic nightmare of hosting eight regular season home games for perhaps the most fickle sports fans nationwide (anybody have problems buying Lakers tickets this season?).

On a previous episode of NFL Stadium Survivor, the City of Carson opted to build a megamall and was promptly fired in a dramatic boardroom showdown. The parking lot was exempt as it had won that week’s immunity challenge.

Major League Baseball reports a new 18-ounce Kirk Gibson Wheaties box will be available nationally beginning this week.

The commemorative cereal box gives Angelenos new opportunity to remind non-Angelenos how the bottom-of-the-ninth-two-out-pinch-hit- limp-to-the-plate-full-count-against-an-unhittable-closer-off-balance- game-winning-arm-pumping homerun is the greatest moment in the entirety of sports history.

Eye-rolling friends may return to Minnesota.

StalloneNews: As reported last week on moviehole, Rambo IV begins shooting in January.

“…Having persuaded Stallone to co-star with a younger actor in ‘Rambo IV’, Lerner is confident about the film’s future success. “It’s a franchise,” he says. “If No. 4 works, then you have a No. 5.” …

I really don’t know what to say on this one yet, other than somebody tell the urbanlegends people they’ll need an update soon.

Following up on an earlier post on area code envy, a recent article from Forbes explains that mobile phone taxes are based on your area code rather than your billing address:

“When I called Verizon Wireless…to complain about the tax screw-up, I learned something odd. The operator told me that as long as I kept my old New York number, I would have to keep my old New York tax bill. It didn’t matter that I had switched my billing address to L.A., she said, taxes are linked to area codes. If I wanted to pay L.A. taxes, she suggested, I needed to switch my phone number to an L.A. area code.”

According to this wireless taxes by state map, Nevada offers the lowest state tax nationwide at just 1.14% compared to California’s 13.2%. For a $50/month phone bill this translates to a savings of over $70 a year.

What difference does it really make, especially if you have an ill-favored 323, 626, 818 or 909 code? Get on the horn and take advantage of this loophole by transfering to a 702 or 775 Nevada area code today.

He didn’t actually go to any of the Pixies shows at the Wiltern last week, but Victor wrote this theoretical post beforehand:

seminal90’scollegerockband The Pixies rocked the Wiltern with a greatest hits set of guitar pop punk classics Thursday … Frank Black, resplendent in oversized shirt, wailed … Husker Du … Kim Deal soccer mom … Kurt Cobain smiled in heaven … and so on and so forth, etc etc.

Audree really did go to one of the Thursday shows and snapped these photos:

More pics on audballtunes.

You still haven’t bought ‘Sly Moves’ and you call yourself an angeleno. When he runs for office, I will be saying I told you so. Cheer up my friend, for you are in for a great read soon. According to his official website:

“Your next opportunity to meet Sly and get a signed copy of the book is Saturday, June 11, 2005, 16:00pm,BARNES & NOBLE #2089, 189 Grove Drive, Los Angeles, CA 90036.”

Publishers Weekly raves:
“…certain sections are puzzling (e.g., Stallone says, “forget StairMaster, it’s a waste of effort,” yet the accompanying photo shows a woman poised on one of those very machines).”

For what it’s worth, I recommend the following schedule for your Grovy afternoon:
3pm: Park at the grove.
315pm: Get in line to meet Sly Stallone. In event of absence of line, become the front of the line.
4pm: Meet Stallone. Buy Book(s).
415pm: Sit in corner of Barnes and Gravy and read entire book.
5pm (+- three hours based on reading level): Get back in line. In event of absence of line, become the front of the line.
505pm: Discuss book with Stallone with your ‘just finished reading’ perspective.
515pm: Annoy Stallone by shifting conversation gears and bringing up Oscar
6pm: Go to Crate and Barrel. Look at wine glasses. Leave without buying anything.
620pm: Make for the farmer’s market. Get nervous because you see Sly and Frank Stallone outside the Grove Theatre, and you have been talking to them all day long and you don’t want them to view you as a crazed stalker fan, which of course you are. Hide behind lady in jacket with a stroller and two kids and pretend like you don’t see them.
630pm: Buy 1/2lb. Goat Cheese @ mr. marcel.
645pm: You’re done! Get the car and go home.