Last night’s Neckface / Date Farmers opening @ New Image was fun. Regretfully missed out on sixspace’s art prostitute event and a crosstown piñata bashing. Bummer.

Random photos:

Artist group shot

This leg is drunk

Chips peeps Date Farmers work

Skull-themed skateboards

Bike in the gallery

Neckface wall art close-up

They refuse to look at the camera

Looking for an offbeat place to take a date in Los Angeles? Take your date to the Tiki! Guys, take your girl! Girls…take your guy! Guys, take your guy! Girls…take your girl! And so forth.

There are so many reasons to go to the Tiki that it’s tough to determine where I should begin. You may have read on other sites about the potent rum-laced drinks…the easygoing smoking policy due to the business being family-owned…the laid-back eastside clientele and odd business hours.

I am here to tell you in no uncertain terms that the part about the fruity rum drinks is total bullshit. However what they lack in drinks, they make up in spades with naked ladies. I take all my first dates here now and it definitely sets the tone for the relationship.

Tiki Theatre
(323) 462-0345
5462 Santa Monica Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90029

Competition for undergarment dollars remains fierce at the corner of 8th and Western with the recent announcement that $1StoreUp will now begin selling discounted undergarments to locals*. $1StoreUp has long been seen as a direct competitor to the Korea Underwear Discount Center in terms of local market share, despite its reluctance to cater directly to discount underwear buyers. The new model, along with the fact that the store is situated directly across the street, adds a wrinkle to the longstanding brick-and-mortar model currently in place at KUDC.

“Before, we were all about the discount. That model hasn’t changed. Now, we’re all about the discount INCLUDING discount underwear,” an unnamed source from $1StoreUp revealed**.

“It’s all about those few dollars in the average pedestrian’s hand,” a person who requested anonymity revealed Saturday. “You’re on this corner, maybe you’re waiting for the next Metro, maybe you’ve just left the Wiltern, maybe you live two blocks away. Whatever the reason, you find yourself here with a few dollars to your name and you have these choices coming at you from all angles. You can go into the $1StoreUp, or you can hit KUDC. Or, if you’re like me, you make a beeline for that shack across 8th and buy some delicious, flavorful pollo a la brasa and meaty beef-heart-on-a-skewer.”

*maybe

**possibly

At the risk of our very young, inexperienced blog making mortal blogEnemies I had to pick this story up – it’s just too damn funny.

As posted this morning by sean @ blogging.la, apparently B-list actor eric roberts has created his own version of the Laist called singularist.

I hope I’ve got all the facts right on this one…

Maybe it’s the bemused look on this as-yet-unidentified man’s face – is he drunk? Telling a joke? Savoring the taste of the anju he just ate? Then again, maybe it’s because he bears an uncanny resemblance to my good friend kdrive. Draw your own conclusions, but this undated photo taken belly-up at dansungsa on 6th makes me want to go back there immediately for the feel of the woody goodness, cheap drinks and inability to speak in my native tongue.

Bonus Photo:
OB Bear, Hands on Peas, Undated

After the honeymoon as a Netflix newbie, where they send out new DVDs as quickly as you can return them (I was able to turnaround over 20 movies in each of my first two months), and you find yourself renting anything and everything, even that piece of shit Cremaster, I noticed that they began to slow down the flow of DVDs. One of their techniques was to delay acknowledgement of receipt of returned movies, sometimes for up to 4 days, thus withholding the next rental. If you are a Los Angeles-area Netflixer, chances are your return envelopes are addressed to Santa Ana, that bastion of punk rock and art at the edge of the OC. Now I’m sure that the good ol’ USPS (even the Ray Charles branch) can get piece of mail from the Westside to Santa Ana in a day or two at the most.

After a little web trolling, I googled into a thriving subculture of complaining about Netflix. My suspicions about their slowing down rentals was confirmed with talk of a practice known as “throttling.” Speculation is that there is a rentals-per-month point where Netflix will not make money off an indivual user and so they have to reign you in from renting too fast. The legality of throttling is dubious at best, and the practice definitely raises some false advertising questions in the face of their “all you can eat” per month claims. Some of the best Netflix watchdog sites are http://www.manuelsweb.com/netflixjournal4.htm and http://netflixunderground.blogspot.com. Netflixunderground in particular has a great expose on how Netflix inflates multi-disc DVD sets across more discs to get you to use more separate rentals in order to watch a complete series. Pretty evil tactic if you ask me, especially considering that they just announced larger than expected 2Q profits.

So when I ultimately dumped Netflix, I gave Blockbuster Online a shot. (Their selection for mainstream, domestic releases is about the same. You might find a title or two that Netflix stocks which Blockbuster doesn’t—Girl on a Motorcycle, Pierot le Fou, etc.—but you can get new reissues faster from Blockbuster than Netflix, Criterion releases for example.) Interestingly enough, the Blockbuster rentals also return to a distribution hub in… Santa Ana. (What the hell is it about Santa Ana?) Blockbuster, however, has consistently acknowledged return receipts usually the very next damn day and shoots me back 3 fresh titles in a day or two at the longest. Netflix can no longer pin the blame for lagging shipments on the USPS.

So for now, Blockbuster is adequate but better yet I think I’ll take a month off and try that local Cinefile all-you-can-rent for a month deal. Or maybe I’ll make the trip to Rocket Video. There’s still some VHS stuff to be watched yet.

Like many others Americans I associate the name Ray Charles not with legendary soul music, but with tolerable mail delivery speed and adequate package tracking. So it’s only logical that a bill to officially rename the post office at 4960 W. Washington Blvd the “Ray Charles Post Office” was signed by President Bush on July 12. This replaces the current name for the building commonly referred to as “the post office by Good Day Donuts.”

The Ray Charles Post Office joins other celebrity-named LA buildings such as the Winona Ryder Saks Fifth Avenue, the OJ Simpson McDonalds and the Burt Reynolds Starbucks.

The official naming ceremony will take place at 2PM on Wednesday, Aug. 24. Last collection at 5:20 PM.

Billy Corgan returned from the future to play a couple shows at the Fonda on July 12 and 13 and Audree was front and center to snap these photos:

Check out more of Audree’s work at audballtunes.com

Holy goodness, Tuesdays are getting rougher and rougher. I agreed to judge a battle of the bands competition for a certain tequila company on Monday nights. They’re keeping me well oiled with free tequila, tequishirts and tequichains, but it’s getting tougher and tougher to stomach these horrendous acts, to say nothing of stomaching the tequila.

Last night was week two. True story: By the time the third band came on, I grabbed the waitress and said

“see here.
if this last band is as bad as the last one
i’m going to need you to give me a jameson on ice, splash coke and then check on me every three-and-a-half minutes afterwards for the duration.”

She came literally running to the table within the first 30 seconds of the first song.

That was last night. The week before, I sat against the wall with my judge’s card and remembered the only other time I’d been in this place. October 2000.

FIVE YEARS AGO

October 2000, I opened the door to the gentleman’s lavatory and witnessed a scene that was pure David Lynch: two little people in leotards applying makeup. I quite literally closed the door, wondered if what I’d just witnessed was real, and reopened the door. They were still there. I walked in and proceeded to take a leak.

When the band finally took the stage, the little people ran around waving flags and causing mischief. The band chugged along as if it were no big deal. Meantime, a barrel-chested bearded man in jeans and a white tutu proceeded to go absolutely apeshit. With no warning he jumped off the stage and began screaming and hassling everybody until I was one of three people left in the venue. These guys literally emptied the room.

Sounds like something you’d see at the smell downtown, right? You’re watching a man in a tutu scream at you and shake you, and your buddy’s around the corner at the lonelyman bar on main, buying beers to go and sticking them in his backpack. Seriously you’d think I would have gone back to the venue again after witnessing a spectacle like that, but for whatever reason, I never made it back. These days it’s the kind of place you would just never think about going to if you are a guy like me. There seems to be an abundance of bands in town that all run in the same circles and basically tune out any rock trend that happened after 1989; for better or worse, this venue draws them like no other.

LAST NIGHT

Me: I saw the Kings of Leon Saturday… fucking brilliant!
Tequila Promoter: Who’s that?

Me: This video is very strange (video: we will become silhouettes by the postal service)
Girl: Who is it?
Me: The Postal Service…
Me: You know…
Me: Postal…
Me: Ben Gibbard…
Me: Death Cab…….
Me: For Cutie……..
Girl: (Stares at screen and appears to comprehend neither video nor words)
Me: (telepathically) For chrissakes I’m not hitting on you, I’m a judge …. this is no picnic, this is work for me. Real work! …
Girl: Yeah, this is a weird video!

Me: What does the Nightlife Zagat say about this place?
Me: hehehehehe…

Stay tuned for My Life As A Battle of the Bad Bands Judge – Week Three . . .

This month the scandal-ridden LAPD began using a $35 million computerized tracking system to identify problem cops. What are the top signs you will be flagged?

• You neglect to read Miranda Rights to the man who’s skull you’re bashing in
• Your arrest to full cavity search ratio is greater than one
• When accepting bribes you failed to say “thank you” on numerous occasions
• You’re always in the interrogation room but you’ve never played the good cop
• Your partner, Roger Murtaugh, is days away from retirement and doesn’t want to work with you
• When framing celebrities, you’ve gotten progressively sloppier with your evidence planting
• You insist “To Protect and To Serve” is the slogan for the annual bodyguard tennis tournament
• Your nickname is Yosemite Sam but you don’t have any facial hair
• You suck at Big Buck Hunter

Visit our concert calendar for a complete list of shows, links to buy tickets and our picks.

***Recommended Show of the Week***
Street Scene San Diego
Picking a San Diego show kills me but the lineup’s just too damn strong. The economics are there: with a two-day pass going for $85 you’ll wind up paying about ten cents a song. Don’t let me hear you whining about the drive or having to take off work either.

MONDAY
Robyn Hitchcock @ Largo
Caesars, Golden Republic @ El Rey
Soulive @ Temple Bar
Bellrays @ Spaceland (free)

TUESDAY
Brendan Benson, Robbers on High Street @ El Rey
International Noise Conspiracy @ Echo
Goldspot @ Troubadour
Run, Run, Run @ Spaceland

WEDNESDAY
Rebirth Brass Band @ Temple Bar
Cribs @ Spaceland
Etta James, Buddy Guy @ Hollywood Bowl
Nikki Corvette @ King King
We Are Scientists, Dirty Little Secret @ Troubadour

THURSDAY
Suzanne Vega, Marc Cohn @ Santa Monica Pier (free)
Club Unicornio, My Barbarian @ Hammer Museum (free)
Every Move a Picture @ Silverlake Lounge

FRIDAY
Mu @ Echo
White Stripes, Killers, Social Distortion, Black Eyed Peas, Kasabian, more @ Street Scene (San Diego)

SATURDAY
Pixies, Snoop Dogg, Flaming Lips, 311, Death Cab for Cutie, Spoon, more @ Street Scene (San Diego)
Nas, Redman, Cuban Linx, Sage Francis, Q-Bert, Cut Chemist, and more @ NOS
Dead 60’s @ Troubadour
Los Lonely Boys, Ozomatli @ Greek
Grant Lee Phillips, Jon Brion @ Largo

SUNDAY
Pernice Brothers @ Knitting Factory

Thanks for the tip, Kristine!

Many people have polarizing views of the infamous ballerina clown at the corner of Main and Rose in Venice. But have they ever really taken the time to stand right on the bullseye and peep under the hood?

Ah Rose, sweet Rose….how I remember fondly Rose, the Mason-Dixon line that silently and stolidly tells people the million-dollar homes and bums of Santa Monica will now be flavored with Oakwood spice and burned-out hippies living in cars. Rose with its bakery, Rose with its coffee roaster, Rose with its tequila hangover, Rose with its ballerina clown crotch.

Back to topic. Jonathan Borofsky made the clown some time ago, and the original design had the leg kicking up and down. Borofsky’s other ideas include a 9/11 memorial tower made out of 3024 steel human figurines. The tower would emit a creepy heartbeat sound as you approach it. Now that’s hardcore.

Must-read coverage from the Daily Bulletin on best laid plans to build a $15 million, 220-acre bible-themed amusement park in Rancho Cucamonga in the 60’s. The Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz was a key backer although I could have sworn the Scarecrow was the one without a brain.

Park-goers would have seen versions of the Tower of Babel, the pyramids of Egypt, King Solomon’s Temple, the Colossus of Rhodes, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Circus Maximus in Rome and the Ziggurat of Ur.

As envisioned, they could ride a hollowed log through the Garden of Eden, a camel to the pyramids and a donkey in Nazareth, where they would see an animatronic Joseph working in his carpentry shop.

You can also check out artist renderings of these rides which are available for purchase online.

But as horrible as this concept sounds, Bible Storyland still has more legs than California Adventure.

(*to be sung to the tune of Earth, Wind and Fire’s Boogie Wonderland)

This week’s choice pixel grouping comes to us courtesy an adult DVD retailer on Broadway near 8th in the historic core. What bothers and excites us the most about this photo…is it the cultural insensitivity and shopkeeper’s gall to actually use one of those archaic and taboo cigar box indians in the first place? Is it the fact that on top of that, he’s using it to hawk adult DVDs? Is it the fact that if you purchase two adult DVD titles, you can get them for $5 each but one alone will cost you $6? Mayhap it is the fact that my sister can be seen in the distance underneath the ‘DETOX’ sign, waiting impatiently to be shown Clifton’s Cafeteria? Or is it in fact the fact that despite the fact that the centerpiece of the photo is advertising t-shirts, he remains shirtless? Draw your own conclusions. Me, I’m just angry at this guy for flashing me the ‘hang loose’ sign and standing around with no shirt in this heatwave as if it were no big deal.

Bonus photo:
Clifton’s nachos coagulate quickly

Laker Girls tryouts are this Saturday.

Aside from the posted requirements, Paula Abdul wannabes should probably take into account the demographic mix towards which the Laker Girls appear to strive. Take a look at the above photo of last year’s squad and note exactly two short-haired girls, two redheads, two Blacks and two Asians. If you fall into any of these buckets the odds are stacked against you. If you’re a Black/Asian mix with short red hair stay home.

Everyone else should study by watching the made-for-TV movie Laker Girls starring Tina Yothers. I have no idea what the movie’s about but if I had to guess I’d say it would follow the same plotline as My Fair Lady:

A meanspirited Lakers exec bets a colleague that he can turn the homely Tina Yothers into a Laker Girl. It actually works and the dude falls in love with her. She finds out about the bet and tells the guy to fuck off but they get back together in the end.

If you make the final cut, you’ll have the opportunity to jiggle your goods in front of millions and hear the Lakers PA announcer say “LLLLLLLLaker Girls” at the end of each routine in exactly the same tone and cadence as a titty bar DJ announcing a stripper’s name at the end of a dance.

Laker Girl Auditions
Saturday, July 23
Registration begins 9:00 am
Healthsouth Training Center
555 N. Nash St., El Segundo

The World Adult Kickball Association’s (WAKA) Dogtown Division is looking for more folks to join. They’re holding a pickup game at the Oakwood Rec Center in Venice this Thursday before their official season starts.

Fat and unpopular adults are not necessarily exempt from being chosen last.

Adult Kickball
Thursday @ 7pm
Oakwood Rec Center
767 California Ave
Venice 90291
map and directions

Thanks to Jillian for the tip!

My coworker and her daughter just returned from a three-week vacation in China. Before she left, she asked repeatedly “What do you want from China?”

Being a big xi’ian terra cotta fan as of late, I’d had a running joke for some time that I have been building my own army out of clay, rolling torsos, arms, legs in my sleep at night, firing them in the oven at dawn and gradually building a menacing army of 8,000 inch-tall warriors which would then be buried in my miniscule backyard plot to protect the perimeter. So naturally I mumbled something about a xi’an warrior coffee mug…or maybe a “my coworker visited the excavation of the incredible xi’an terra cotta warriors and all i got was this lousy t-shirt”…mayhap a xi’an fridge magnet would be in order…

Long and short of it: I walked in to my office this morning and was levelled by this sight. They now guard my workspace against unwanted meeting schedulers, parking lot carwash barkers and blog post interruptors.

Holy sweet goodness christmas fancy pantalones, what DON’T we love about OB Bear?

The music.

It’s awful.

That’s why it’s easy to write here – the music is irredeemably bad.

I mean just bad.

Music this bad in a restaurant-bar this good will keep us coming back for years and years so we can finally concentrate on the words we are writing. As such if you ever find yourself inside the Bear on a weekday night and you see some wily-haired white boy with soju-infused eyes hunched over a bowl of peas scribbling in a notebook, kim will get you chi that it’s me.

Things we love other than the music sucking:

• neverending abundance of dried wasabi peas
• hotwings
• somehow the name of the joint mysteriously changes to the more preferred plural ‘OB Bears’ once you get inside and look at the menu
• generally warm feeling that you are going to get way too drunk here
• proximity to all manner of strangeness outside
• giant variety of table kegs to choose from – cheapest being Hite and OB beer (not to be confused with the name of the establishment itself)
• proximity to the local AA chapter (just upstairs from the table you’ve passed out on)

While our SNARK-O-TRON 2000 is out for repairs, our friend Shannon submits this dispatch on the first of the Hammer Museum’s free live music Thursday nights. Sadly, she keeps it clean and makes no plays on local band VAGENIUS’ name. We regret the error and promise to make due mockery of it asap.

ALSO I LIKE THE HAMMER

Thursday night “Also I Like to Rock” at the Hammer Museum, 14 July 2005

Beneath a blanket of stars (though threadbare in the middle of well-lit Los Angeles) and tall buildings, the Hammer Museum offered its courtyard to music fans throughout the city last Thursday night. The museum’s “Also I Like to Rock” series of free live music shows by bands from Los Angeles and San Francisco began with a trio of female-fronted bands and a visual flip through Amoeba Music’s used rock vinyl bins. Ryan Junell’s quick flashes of album covers ran roughly alphabetically, accompanied by sounds from hair bands past. They kept the substantial crowd company between sets, but stayed with the night’s focus on liking to, well, rock.

Monsters Are Waiting, clad almost entirely in white, began the live portion of the night’s entertainment. Monsters may be waiting for their next show, and if you’re into gimmicky “indie rock” cool and occasional Interpol imitations, you might want to be too. Space Mtn (yeah, abbreviated and with no punctuation because they’re cool like that) came on next and, despite some promising tunesmithery, proved that inane lyrics really don’t help the cause. Not even in space. They did, however, chide the audience into standing before the stage rather than sitting in chairs and mulling around the bar area. Many seemed to stay near the stage and commenced dancing when the final band of the evening, synth rockers Vagenius, began their set. At one point, Juliette Commagere, the band’s frontwoman, noted, “This is crazy. Can you believe we’re in Westwood?,” an apt comment from a trio looking a lot like escapees from a Toluca Lake film set or an American Apparel ad but who probably rarely veer too far from Silverlake. While not entirely sonically compelling, the night was a nice way for Angelinos on the westside to experience live music under the stars, free of charge. Kudos to the Hammer for the opportunity. The museum gives us two more chances to be surprised by local acts: July 21st and 28th. In addition to the performances, the galleries stay open until 9:00 p.m. (check out Fiona Tan’s “Correction”) and the cash bar offers beer, wine, and spirits. See http://www.hammer.ucla.edu/programs/42/ for details.

Visit our concert calendar for a complete list of shows, links to buy tickets and our picks.

***Recommended Show of the Week***
Earlimart, Goldspot @ Hollywood and Highland
Today’s Mall Brand Manager needs to convince you that you aren’t going to some dumpy mall, you’re taking part in a much greater civilized community experience. Thus they exchange Mall with highbrow names like Galleria, Pavillion or Promenade. Screw that. Check out LA-based Earlimart and Goldspot for free on Thursday at the H&H Mall. But don’t buy anything.

MONDAY
Rachel Yamagata @ Amoeba (free)
Ray Lamontagne @ Wiltern
Bellrays @ Spaceland (free)
AM @ Cinespace
Tom McRae, Chris and Thomas @ Hotel Cafe

TUESDAY
Nicolai Dunger @ Echo
Jessy Moss @ Temple Bar

WEDNESDAY
Le Tigre @ Avalon
Lucero @ Troubadour

THURSDAY
Earlimart, Goldspot @ Hollywood and Highland (free)
Circle Jerks @ Glass House
Go! Team @ Troubadour
Chicago Blues Reunion @ Santa Monica Pier (free)

FRIDAY
Go! Team @ Troubadour
Kings of Leon, Secret Machines @ Wiltern
Beck, Le Tigre @ Gibson
Chicago Blues Reunion @ Amoeba (free)
Ray Wylie Hubbard, I See Hawks in LA @ McCabe’s

SATURDAY
Contemporaneo Sudamericano @ Getty (free)
Beck, Decemberists @ Gibson
Kings of Leon, Secret Machines @ Wiltern
Mia Doi Todd @ Smell
Kneebody @ Amoeba (free)

SUNDAY
Andrea Echeverri @ Amoeba (free)
Femi Kuti, Mos Def, Daara J @ Hollywood Bowl
Northern State @ Knitting Factory