Suck on Chili Dogs Outside the Tastee Freez For Free Today
Like every red-blooded American, I love free shit. Except when it is literally shit. In celebration of its 44th anniversary, Wienerschnitzel will be handing out one free chili dog to daring patrons between 5 and 8 pm Tuesday. They’re also throwing in a sample-size Tastee Freez ice cream cone chaser to neutralize the otherwise lethal chili dog acid.
If you sing the chorus to Jack and Diane to your ordertaker you may or may not be allowed to substitute chili-cheese for just the chili. But here are the lyrics anyways:
Little ditty ’bout Jack and Diane
Two American kids growin’ up in the heartland
Jackie gonna be a football star
Diane’s debutante backseat of Jackie’s car
Suckin’ on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freez
Diane’s sittin’ on Jackie’s lap
He’s got his hand between her knees
Jackie say, “Hey Diane let’s run off
Behind a shady tree
Dribble off those Bobby Brooks
Let me do what I please.”
And Jackie say
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone
Oh yeah say life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone, they walk on
Jackie sits back reflects his thoughts for the moment
Scratches his head and does his best James Dean.
Well you know Diane, we oughta run off to the city
Diane says “Baby, you ain’t missin’ nuth-in”
Jackie say-a
Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the Bible Belt come and
Save my soul
Hold on to sixteen as long as you can
Changes come around real soon
Make us women and men
Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two American kids done the best they can
Thanks to Butterbean for the tip
Hey, remember when it was called Der Wienerschnitzel? When did they drop the ‘Der’? Was the change to make it sound less Germanic? Sell outs.
The funny thing is “wiener schnitzel” doesn’t translate to “hotdog” in German. It’s actually a breaded veal cutlet which Wienerschnitzel clearly doesn’t sell. But the English translation, “shit sandwich,” remains accurate.