Before reading this review please download and install the font Pastor of Muppets to your computer. Copy/paste all of the text from this document into a new document in Word or your favorite text editor. Select all of the text. Change the font to Pastor of Muppets. Set the size to 36 point. Commence rocking and continue reading.

Master of Pollo I’m pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing
Just call my name, ’cause I’ll hear you scream

Pollo Master serves great fried chicken at relatively normal rates. They don’t stop with chicken, though. You can order up everything from siete mares soup to a full fleet of Salvadorian pupusas. One catch: The dining room is small and the jukebox is loud. You might consider takeout. Hey, take it to the park across the way. Make a day of it. You’ve earned it, I said it. Back to the pupusas. They’re stellar, as is the requisite spiced cole slaw that comes with the package. If you’re a pupusa fan, and let’s face it, why the hell wouldn’t you be, you could do far worse than the Master when in MacArthur Park. Just watch out for that intersection off Burlington.

It’s no stretch to say that Pollo Master could probably triple their business were they to download the Pastor of Muppets font and take it to the local signsmith with a few hundred bucks so he could rock the logo just a bit more. It’s already prettymuch heavy metal, but it looks more Judas Priest than Masterly. Get it right the name’s Pollo Master, not Judas Pollo. Regardless, when I visited I found no shortage of customers. Something about the word ‘master’ drew me in, font be damned.

I’d like to close now with a stanza written by William Wordsworth in 1814. Seems fitting.

Nights I Lay This Head to Rest
Pondering the Great Hereafter
Recall Then Long, Dear Field of Green
My Fancy Pants, and Pollo Master.

 
Pollo Master
2131 W 6th St
213.484.9797

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our picks.

***Recommended Show of the Week***
Rapture @ Viper Room & Troubadour
OK, you know how no one is supposed to know when The Rapture is coming? Not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father? Well, I ran into the Lord Saturday night at The Joker on Pico. One Jager shot led to another and after our sixth round He happened to mention The Rapture was coming not once, but twice this week–Wednesday at the Troubadour and Thursday at the Viper Room. I probably shouldn’t be sharing this with you. But he didn’t say I couldn’t tell anyone so when it happens just act totally surprised.

Get tickets now: Son Volt, Lucinda Williams, Phantom Planet @ Roxy; Helio Sequence @ Spaceland; BMRC @ Hotel Cafe

MONDAY
Sarah Silverman @ Largo
International Noise Conspiracy @ Troubadour

TUESDAY
Aimee Mann @ Largo
Echo and the Bunnymen @ House of Blues
Persephone’s Bees @ Spaceland
David Bazan @ Knitting Factory

WEDNESDAY
Rapture @ Troubadour
MF Doom, Pigeon John @ El Rey
David Bazan @ Largo

THURSDAY
Rapture @ Viper Room
Tosco, Richard Dorfmeister @ Vanguard
Princess Superstar @ Echo
Si*SE @ Key Club
Rock and Rollergirls w/Donnas @ El Rey

FRIDAY
Morcheeba @ Wiltern

SATURDAY
Bob Odenkirk @ Amoeba (free)
Almost Acoustic Christmas @ Gibson
!!! @ El Rey

SUNDAY
Almost Acoustic Christmas @ Gibson
Mark Gardener @ Knitting Factory

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03 December 2005. 9pm. Saturday Night’s all right for prowling. Art prowling. Free food scamming. Giant Hangar hopping. Quest for inspiration. Quest for the creative within. Quest for sleep, ultimately. Spontaneous itinerary followed this path:

• Cherry Meltdown Holiday Party
• Create:Fixate feat. Money Mark and Rhythm Nathan
• Hanger 1018 feat. Daedalus’ Bushy Sideburned Goodness et al
• Some gimongulous D&B scene accidentally stumbled upon. The Jungle is alive with chest-rattling bass in downtown Los Angeles.

Bonus Photos:
Cherry Cherry
Cherry Cherry Cherry Cherry Cherry
Cherry Cherry Cherry Cherry Cherry, Cherry
Hangar 1018

This one took me a while to figure out. I was so confused. Hello, we are Stir Crazy. We were going sort of stir crazy in our coffee shop at 6917 Melrose, so we moved five doors down and set up shop at 6903 Melrose. At the new Stir Crazy five doors down you’ll be pleased to find the exact same outdoor facade, the exact same dimly-lit green smoke-tinged interior, the exact same floorplan, and the exact same people smoking cigarettes, reading and writing screenplays choking up the entranceway. Erstwhile the OG Stir Crazy, an identical albeit empty twin, sits moping a few doors away like the discarded shell of a seventeen-year locust: All facade, no heart. Nothing would make me happier than to see Stir Crazy continue to get stir crazy every few years and move to a new location, leaving the shell of the former always in place. Soon we’ll have hundreds of Stir Crazies concentrated around Melrose,
and you’ll never be able to tell which the hell one of them is actually open for business. Call me crazy, sir, but I’ve a mind to rent the 6917 plot right now, white-out the “T” and set up shop as “Sir Crazy.” Free WiFi. No Smoking. Screenplay readings and coiffed urban coffee posings, $4/hour.

 

 

 

 

Name: Carmen Cabrera
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5′ 4″
Weight: 135 pounds
Date of Birth: 11/14/60
Wanted For: Murder

After a long-term romance with Carmen Cabrera, her boyfriend decided to call it off. Wrong move. The 39-year old mamacita, armed with a .38 Special, ended the relationship on her own terms.

If you’re a guy in a longterm relationship with a woman in her late 30s, whatever you do, do not break up with her. Marry her or wait it out until she realizes she should dump your sorry ass. But DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER. She will murder you.

If it’s been three years and you haven’t made a move, she’s already plotting your death. Play the “it’s not you, it’s me” card and you may escape with a quick and painless execution. Explain how you met a 22-year old who really understands you and your demise will make the torture scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Muppet Babies tea party.

More info from the LAPD

So for the big game this Saturday, plans are shaping up pretty sweet. I turned down a ticket to the game because it’s at the Coliseum this year and all my Beta bros are on the Westside. I mean, I’m a proud Trojan alum and have been know to rock the Ice Cube, but I’ll take the Westside over the South Central anyday. At a Coliseum game, there’s like no fuckin’ parking. I once parked my Beemer on some dude’s lawn for $30 and wound up with some gnarly keying on the driver’s side. Fuck that shit. Plus there’s no good bars down there like in Pasadena. So you can see why I’m pretty not stoked on going down there.

Anyhow, the game’s at 1:30 so I’m thinking my bros and I will start out at Barney’s Beanery, the newish one on 3rd Street (not the gay one) probably around 11ish. It’s a real hot scene there. Lotsa chicas bonitas all the time. One night I met this totally smokin’ paralegal there. But she was all like yap-yap-yap-yap about her fuckin’ job and wanted to go dancing at Gotham up the street. I am so not up for dancing like some Bruin faggot, so I ended up hanging at the pool table with my bros. Plus Barney’s has like all these old school Playboy pages all over the bathroom walls you can check out while your whizzing. Too cool. Barney’s does breakfast so I’ll wash down some flapjacks with some Pale Ale. We usually try and get a table where we can hear the TVs inside and still clock the Promenade action.

After that, probably about 11:45-noonish, we’ll make our way down to Yankee Doodles, also on 3rd Street. We should be ready to party at that point. Yankee Doodles is a pretty sweet sports bar. I won this radio station raffle there once. They have pool tables and tons of TVs. You need to steer clear of the couples and touristy types to focus on the female talent. I am so hoping Debra is not working the door that day. (Long story.) So we’ll probably go with something light, like some bacon cheddar potato skins, jalapeno poppers, something like that. Barry will probably have those mozzarella sticks even though they made him puke last time. (There’s just no telling that guy what to do. ) So we’ll do the appetizers, a few more brews, but not the wings though. You’ll see why. So about 12:45-1, when we’re done rocking there, we’re good and ready for this party to get kicked off. Yankee Doodles, hasta la vista.

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