Fauxfile: Super Tortas
Holy bittersweetastic chocolate-covered chariots, I’ve been meaning to hit this place for ages. Super Tortas, ladies and gents. This place has so many things going for it right out of the gate, beginning with the fact that it has the word ’Super’ in the name of the establishment. Mark ’em with me.
Font: Judas Priest rocker. Logo: Li’l Debbie Oatmeal Pie™ fronting zorro mask and ’stache roughage. Location: Close to home in the heart of s(t)eamy tinseltown. Tinseltown! All manner of silly, all manner of disgust one could ever choose but a stone’s throw away, night or day. Fountain and Vine. Just around the corner from the bar I used to frequent whenever the dj collective threw free redstripes.
Downside. The parking lot here is an absolute nightmare. I have no idea how it works. Cars are stacked on one side, but there are permits required. The other side might be useable, briefly, but the slots are numbered and every.single.number. has a car’s ass already straddling it. It is possible that you can’t even use this parking lot, legally.
Enough of that and on to the food. Whether you like your tortas al pastor, cubana, milanesa, DF, sin queso, con frijoles…Super Tortas has you covered. They’re super. And, unsurprisingly, they’re tortas. So basically the name makes sense. If you like rice and beans, you can order rice and beans. The chips are crunchy, just as you’d expect chips to be. The salsa is red, like you like the salsa to be. The salsa is also green, like you also like the salsa to be.
Closing note. I should probably also mention that unlike previous reviews, I’ve never actually eaten here. Hell no. I ate at the farmer’s market before writing this. Apparently, it’s a chain. I have every intention of eating here soon but this review could be total bullshit for all I know. It could be way off base. It could be right on. It could be a happy medium. You decide. The parking bit is accurate, I feel. Sending this one to the people. First comment with an actual review gets medium horchata paid for. This is not a joke. Go read this review. It appears legit. At the very least, he didn’t start his post with ’holy bittersweetastic.’
1253 Vine St Ste 8
Mair the Intern wrote this week:
hey. i’ve been feeling under the weather. i’m trying
to write the review, but my brain keeps on farting.
give me a few more days. thanks, mair
Intern. Thin ice. Risking incomplete vs. credit. LJ need performers. Gurgitators. Performing Gurgitators. Step up. I’ve resorted to writing reviews of establishments I haven’t actually visited.