COMPTON DRIVE-IN THEATER, COMPTON 1979

About ten or eleven years ago curiosity got the best of me and I decided that I just had to see the house that my mother grew up in in Compton. My grandparents moved out of it when I was five and I hadn’t seen it since. So I looked up the address in the Thomas Guide and headed over there. I turned the corner and there it was, just as I had pictured only much smaller. As I sat in my idling car staring at it a rush of long forgotten childhood memories reran in my mind. I was spellbound. But not nearly as spellbound as when I looked up and at the end of the street saw a gigantic framed mural of Viking ships sailing on a choppy sea, generously labeled with the handwritten name of the city. It was the Compton Drive-in towering over the entire neighborhood. Shocking though it may seem I didn’t even have the faintest childhood recollection of it. As soon as I got home I did a little research and found out that it was built in 1949 by the largest local drive-in chain, Pacific Drive-in Theaters.

We didn’t invent the drive-in theater here in Southern California but we certainly did perfect it. The first drive-in theater opened in New Jersey in 1934, the second a year later at Pico and Westwood in Los Angeles. During the heyday there were more outdoor screens in Southern California than anywhere else. In the mid-50s just as drive-ins began getting a reputation as teenage passion pits, some started holding Sunday morning drive-in church services to help preserve a moral balance. As the congregations on wheels developed so did the slogans. “Worship as you are in the family car” and “Honk to say amen.” The drive-in theater helped Southern Californians find religion.

When I asked my mother “why didn’t you tell me you grew up down the street from a drive-in” she replied with the classic “You didn’t ask!” For the next couple of weeks as I blabbed and bragged all over town about my discovery I decided I needed to go back and take a closer look. So once again I turned up the old street and there was the house but no drive-in. My dream turned into a nightmare. It was gone, yes, gone. A closer inspection revealed the screen tower had been bulldozed and left lying there on its side all bruised and broken waiting to be taken to the scrap heap.

Everything is temporary.

Here’s to the COMPTON DRIVE-IN and YOU!

Charles Phoenix

Visit Charles’ site or join his Slide of the Week Mailing List.

Violet
3221 Pico Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90405
(310) 453-9113

On our menu:
Mushroom Ravioli
Ahi Tuna Tartare
French Fries
Baked Macaroni x 4
Lake Superior White Fish*
Seared Scallops*
Sautéed Spinach*
Rock Shrimp and Risotto or Polenta, I do not remember*

This is my second time dining at Violet and it was just as enjoyable as the first time. Among four friends, we ordered 11 plates and took home four because we were stuffed as well as leftovers of the baked macaroni to enjoy the next day.

When you first glance at the menu the servers advise not to order a salad only because on the menu each plate is listed as “small plates” and they mean it. I love the variety and the extra components added to the food. The baked macaroni [ photo ] has leeks, Gruyere cheese and Serrano ham that add a rich yet not too heavy flavor. One friend does not even like cheese and peeled away the top cheesy crustiness and was going to give it to me. I asked her to try it since I loved it and she did and almost finished the entire plate. That’s a true sign of good food, when there are ingredients diners to not enjoy and yet they like them.

I was expected the owner and chef to be there but he wasn’t. He is such a cutie and looks as though he should be a member of a rock band. Thank goodness he is the owner of Violet, he has too many great cooking skills.

The French fries were the thinnest fries I have ever enjoyed. I was expected Pomme Frittes style, but the came out very stylish wrapped in a paper cone inside of a metal holder with two dipping sauces, a curry one and a mustard one. These were far better than any fries from fast food chain and most restaurants in general.

Another friend does not enjoy raw fish yet she found the Ahi Tuna Tartare [ photo ]very yummy, and indeed it was. With the thin slices of cucumber and light sauce, and little fried thingies on top (Dinguses? -ed), this was my second favorite behind the baked macaroni. It is so hard to rank these plates, but I guarantee all of them were great.

The mushroom ravioli [ photo ] was the first place to come out and it was in a small bath of melted butter sauce which was frightening at first but hey all food is made with tons of butter so all four of us dug in. This place was a great way to start the meal because it led into more anticipation for the baked macaroni we were raving to our friends who had never been there.

By the time we were eating our baked macaroni we had to ask to get the rest of the order to go because apparently we were eating with our eyes first. We took home the scallops, white fish, rock shrimp and spinach. I tried the scallops and for $16.50 and four pieces of scallops it was pricey but yummy. There were little pieces of cauliflower and it had a nice sweet taste from raisins. I used to eating scallops just seared but the sweetness was a nice touch. The white fish is still in my fridge. I don’t know if I’ll eat it. I actually won’t because there is just too much good food to be eaten.

Oh, I also reheated my baked macaroni for lunch on Saturday. I left it in the toaster oven for about 15 minutes in the foil container. I heard it crackling a little. When I went to transfer my food onto my plate I was so scared to see all of that yellow butter melted out of my macaroni. I stared at it for about two minutes contemplating not eating it. But I realized that I had already eaten half last night and “whatever” I don’t eat badly more than once a week so it’s okay, I will dine on the buttery baked macaroni. I might have over-reheated and baked out all of the light cheesy goodness. However, these leftovers were definitely tasty still.

At the end of the meal, the server brings your receipt surrounded by little shot glasses of milk along with mini chocolate chip cookies. I have yet to order dessert here since I can never manager room for it. But the cookies are very yummy and I would order these by the dozen for my family if they were available.

Of all the Mac and cheese I have tried in Losanjealous and around the country, I enjoy Violet’s the most. I had starved all day so I could enjoy the goodness that is baked macaroni and it was well worth it. There are still a few more places in LA that I need to try, but I would love to always have a plate of Violet’s Baked Macaroni to compare it with the others. Something tells me that this place takes the cheese though! It’s a gut feeling. That or the fact that Jared is just so cute and he’s such a good cook that how could I not rank his as the best?

Total Bill: $114.00
Tip: $26
For four friends, we each paid $35. We did not have any wine (we aren’t drinkers). We also managed to bring the most expensive plates home so had we only ordered what we ate this could have easily been a $20 meal per person.

*Indicated the plates that we took home.

29 March 2006
8pm
Disney Crematorium Auditoncertall
Glenn Branca’s Symphony #13 for 84 ~ 100 electric guitars

Good evening, please take your seats. I’ve got an attendance form here that needs to be passed around. We’ll start with Mike Watt. Place a ‘check’ next to your name and pass it on to the next person.

MikeWatt: ..grumble….

75 minutes later…

Wait a second, children. This sheet is full but I only counted eighty-four guitars. Some of you are covering for your friends. We are all going to sit right here until the guilty parties come forward.

Well?

I can wait here all day.

Between her work with The Decemberists, The Rentals, Beck, Foo Fighters, Miss Murgatroid, Sean Lennon and Yuka Honda, her duets with Bill Frisell, her critically-acclaimed acapella undertaking of The Who Sell Out and the rest of the numerous projects she’s involved in at any given time, there’s no getting around it: Petra Haden stays busy. When she’s not touring she calls Los Angeles home. We recently threw a few questions her way to prepare for Saturday’s concert at the Jensen Rec Center.

We’ve noticed that Mike Watt is on Saturday’s billing, and further, that duets will be performed. Any insight as to what we might expect?

Old standards.

Is this a one-time show, or are more dates planned?

There might be more shows in April. Not a lot though.

Pete Townshend has called your rendition of “The Who Sell Out” exquisite. Have you heard a reaction from the Brian Wilson camp regarding “God Only Knows” ? [ mp3 ]

The only person from the Beach Boys who has heard it, as far as I know is Bruce Johnston. He was a touring member. And from what I’ve heard, he likes it.

Will you be recording more Beach Boys songs? Should we expect, say, a full Petra Sounds album at some point?

It has been suggested to me several times to do an all A-cappella version of Pet Sounds. But..I don’t think so. Maybe in the near future I’ll record another song by them because it’s so fun.

Let’s talk about the album you made with Bill Frisell briefly. Were there any songs that didn’t make the final album that you wish would have?

Well, we didn’t record any other songs for that record. But I really wanted to record any Pink Floyd song.

(Let it be known that I do like the idea of Frisell and Haden on Floyd.)

What was your favorite moment of the Decemberists tour last year?

Dancing with John Moen on stage.

Your website says you’ll be part of an acoustic Foo Fighters tour this year. Have you been rehearsing with them?

No, not yet. It’s 95% happening. So if it’s REALLY happening, I’ll be rehearsing with them for the month of May.

Primarily for the techies and Tape Op readers: What’s your favorite piece of home recording gear?

Hmmm…Well I’m not a “techie”. Really. I would have to say my favorite piece of home recording gear would have to be a really good sounding microphone. Is that gear?

That is definitely, unequivocally gear. Ok…In your car. What’s your most dreaded LA freeway or intersection? Mine might actually be the Silver Lake Trader Joe’s parking lot.

Well, I don’t have a car.

(Oops.)

But when I’m in a car with someone else driving, my most dreaded intersection is where Wilshire and Santa Monica cross.

That is a massive intersection, any way you slice it. Ok, here it is. If Losanjealous were able to raise the money to sponsor, what are the odds ‘that dog’ would reform for one night only and play a gig at Oki-Dog, Fairfax? Ballpark odds. . .

Uhh… I don’t know.

(That is definitely not Ø %.)

I had a dream once that we played a show. It was strange.

(Let it be known: We may revisit this topic.)

I’ve recently taken a “food review” intern under my wing. Any plans to take on a Petra intern? You seem incredibly busy.

Well, let me tell you if I had an intern, they’d want to go out the window.

(Let it be known that I have not ruled out loaning or subcontracting Mair the Intern to Petra for a spell.)

Best coffee in LA?

I’ve never thought of that. Any LA coffee I’ve had tastes the same to me. Well, The Tropical Cafe makes their coffee with espresso. AND they don’t have nonfat milk. They should.

(I knew I liked Petra Haden. Tropical is hands-down my favorite cup of coffee in Losanjealous. Cafe Tropical: Offer nonfat milk, what’s wrong with you.)

Petra Haden with the Sell Outs
Jensen Rec Center, Echo Park
Saturday, April 1, 730pm
Special Guests Dos (Kira, Mike Watt) and Octopus Project
Buy tickets now

Petra Haden’s Official Site: http://www.petrahadenmusic.com

Checkers Photo by Jed Johnson

#8: the Starbucks in the Brentwood Village Court

INTRO—EXT. DAY: a CRUISE MISSILE skims the earth sinisterly toward its target. CUT TO—Control Room: SOLDIERS with head sets, faces underlit by radar screens. CUT TO—lone helmeted FIGURE standing atop HOOVER DAM swathed in black neoprene. CUT TO—data, numbers, sine waves, math. Are we looking through the eyes of the FIGURE. . .or through the eyes of the CRUISE MISSILE? CUT TO—Control Room:

GENERAL leans forward, his face underlit by radar screens. CUT TO—CRUISE MISSILE, we track it from behind closing in on dam, blue iris of thrust digitally blazes in foreground.

MISSILE draws within mere yards. FIGURE leaps into the air and in swift roundhouse motion kicks MISSILE. The warhead snaps off and hurtles tumbling flaming into lake, detonates underwater. Scalding mist abounds. Fuselage flies onward and smashes explosively into mountain side. FIGURE falls back to earth. CUT TO—Control Room. SOLDIER removes headset and looks uneasily at GENERAL.

There is MUFFLED cheering in background. CUT TO—FIGURE on top of dam standing in “iron panther”. A little the worse for wear. Looks at glove. It’s burnt-off at the tips, revealing a set of long fingernails. . .painted white.

CUT TO–Bill DeMarco sitting alone in a Starbucks.

It’s a rainy night in the Brentwood Village Court. I think this strip mall used to be a brewery. Ye Olde Brentwoode Brewerye I believe. The German settlers of West LA brought their work ethic but they also brought their traditions. That’s why you can’t walk a block in this part of town without running into a bratwurst stand. Or waltz music blaring out of pickup trucks. I turn on my cell phone. A cube revolves slowly and trisects itself. No messages.

What are you going to do? What am I going to do? Nothing. A box of PerfectSmart cards are burning a hole in my trunk and no one has the “time” to write some ockcscuknig anagrams. No anagrams, no cards. No cards, no points. No points, no dice. No dice, no anagrams. And forget about the scripts. Great scripts, a tantalizing smattering of which same above reads.

A man offers something. What is it that he offers? He offers something of himself. He offers nothing whatever. He has scripts. He says, They are of a quality. Do you wish to see the scripts? Do you wish it? A man says, Rewrite something I wrote using the same letters with which I wrote it. That is all. It is the same. It is different. A man does or does not do it. He does or does not. Bill DeMarco gives the man a draft of a screenplay called “BurgerTime.” What is a thing?

I walk outside. The rain’s stopped. Brentwood Village Court, huh. And where are the courtiers? Procuring foxes for the royal hunt no doubt. Gimme a barbican, something. I’d light a cigarette but I don’t have a lighter and I don’t smoke. At that moment something not quite flickers in the corner of my eye. It is a gossamer leaf of iceberg lettuce, borne aloft by desultory gusts. It lands on my head. Well there’s news. And then something solider, spongy brushes my ear before splatting on the wet street. It’s a hamburger bun. In Brentwood?

Wait a second.

CUT TO–Bill DeMarco runs back inside Starbucks, whips out pad of legal paper and starts writing furiously.

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our picks.

Pick of the Week: Rose Scharlin School Benefit Concert @ Spaceland
The mission of the Rose Scharlin Cooperative Nursery School is to provide a safe, secure and challenging environment for children; to offer them a range of developmentally appropriate activities; and to throw kickass benefit concerts. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Silversun Pickups and others play Sunday night at Spaceland. Won’t somebody please think of the indie rock children?

Heads up: 4/1 We Are Scientists @ Tower Sunset (free); 4/12 Aimee Mann @ Largo; 4/19 Aimee Mann @ Largo; 4/21 Christopher O’Riley interprets Elliot Smith @ Getty (rsvp now open);

And Furthermore: Win tickets to see Hallucination City for 100 guitars

TUESDAY
Stereolab, Sam Prekop, Archer Prewitt @ Henry Fonda
Rancid @ Echo
Kieran Hebden @ Spaceland
Sarah Silverman @ Largo

WEDNESDAY
National @ Troubadour
Rhett Miller @ Henry Fonda
Minus the Bear @ Spaceland
Irving @ King King
Kieran Hebden @ Conga Room

THURSDAY
Strokes @ Gibson
Dengue Fever @ Temple Bar

FRIDAY
Strokes @ Gibson
Lucinda Williams @ El Rey
Terry Riley @ Getty
Nous Non Plus @ Spaceland

SATURDAY
We Are Scientists @ Tower Sunset (free)
We Are Scientists @ El Rey
Jenny Lewis @ Orpheum
Jason Collett @ Knitting Factory
Cloud Room, Film School @ Troubadour
Petra Haden @ Jensen

SUNDAY
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Silversun Pickups, more surprise guests @ Spaceland
Sia @ Troubadour

Ron. Talks with WTE have completely and unequivocally broken down. Initially cooperative, Mark’s become elusive. Evasive. I get more e-mail replies from my shoe. Frankly I move we reconfigure, revamp, revise. Throw the interview questions to responsive readers, post-haste, immediately, now. Somebody’s getting interviewed, this much is certain.

Questions for Western Truck Exchange Daily Readers Warm Bodies in Cubicles The First Person To Respond

1) First off, let’s talk about the logo. Arguably you have the three most visible faces in Hollywood. Whose idea was it? Who drew it? Has anybody ever been recognized in person from the logo? (Wayne?)

2) Who came up with the idea to brand the mudflaps on the trucks?
Was it conceived in the era of Yosemite Sam and Busty Naughty Lady? (For the record, Busty Naughty Lady was my favorite growing up. But then, you guys didn’t really have a presence in north central Oklahoma . . .)

3) Did you know at the time of creation that your logo would become an iconic image?

4) What’s Wayne really like?

5) What did you think when Al Tru wanted to sell your shirt? (Your shirt is selling for $32!) I have a Western Truck Exchange shirt that was purchased a few years ago from Urban Outfitters. Did you make any money off of that transaction?

Moving ahead…

12) What was Losanjealous like in 1922? Those were olden times. The internets did not exist. What did people do all day? What was being trucked around? Please elaborate on the founding of the company.

14) Last night I saw “John Boy Walton” and his family at a local restaurant. He looked identical to how you are picturing John Boy, right now, in your mind. Circling back to the first question. Have you ever made public appearances together and been recognized as the Western Truck Three? John Boy was at Buddha’s Belly. Where do you dine, collectively? For some reason I always envision you guys with three Nagel girls at a cartoon bar someplace. Say it’s so. Her name is Rio, and we’re Mark, Wayne, Wayne and Dan?

15) Mark’s personal credo or quote:
Wayne’s personal credo or quote:
Dan’s personal credo or quote:

———————-

UPDATE! – 11am 27 March 2006
The following update arrived in my inbox this morning:

Hi Ryan,

Mark has forwarded this information to me. I will try and complete the information requested by the end of this week. As you might notice, it’s the youngest brother who gets to do all of the work. Thanks for your patience.

Wayne Holtzman
Parts Manager

Wayne himself will be compiling the information. Stay tuned for the full Losanjealous exclusive interview with Mark, Wayne, and Dan of Western Truck Exchange.

Flight to Mars, POP, Santa Monica, 1958

The warm glowing atmosphere of Mars is well rendered on the side of a building while a big, huge silver metallic UFO is either taking off or coming in for a landing right on top of the awning that marks the entrance to FLIGHT TO MARS. The horizon line is low and jagged. A missile painted on the wall has just launched on the right. In the middle a woman toting a balloon or a buoy bends over as a little boy points to the heavens above. Another woman has a firm but lopsided grip on a stroller. A man, well dressed by any amusement park standards in a sensible grey flannel suit and black hat looks back. Some sort of new-fangled missile with striped fins is displayed on the left.

Inside this other worldly amusement passengers are a ‘transported’ to Mars while TV screens showed the flight’s progress. MMMM…kind of reminds me of FLIGHT TO THE MOON in Tomorrowland at Disneyland!

Pacific Ocean Park, (POP, for short) is Southern California’s lost amusement park. In 1958 the historic Ocean Park Pier between Santa Monica and Venice was transformed into a spectacular nautical-themed amusement park to compete with Disneyland.

Several other of the rides were also Disneyland wannabes.

Neptune’s Kingdom was like Disneyland’s Submarine Voyage, only without the submarines. The futuristic Enchanted Forest exhibit included the latest Westinghouse appliances in a model home. Ironically, Disneyland displayed the less prestigious Kelvniator brand appliances. Ocean Highway was POP’s “Autopia”. Their Ocean Skyway took passengers not in buckets, but in glass bubbles for a terrifying ride dangling seventy-five feet out over the water.

Pacific Ocean Park lasted just nine years. After struggling to compete with its competitors, parking problems and constant weathering from the salt air, it closed In 1967.

Here’s to Pacific Ocean Park and you!

Charles Phoenix

Visit Charles’ site or join his Slide of the Week Mailing List.

On Wednesday, March 29, Glen Branca will perform his Symphony No. 13 “Hallucination City,” for 100 electric guitars at Disney Hall. Branca originally wrote this piece for the Y2K celebrations in Paris, hoping for an ensemble of 2,000 guitarists. When that performance fell through, he premiered the work outside of the World Trade Center in New York City with 100 guitarists.

Answer me this: Which song would you cover for an encore and why? You have 100 guitars at your disposal and you must put them all to use. Leave your answer as a comment below using your preferred contact email before noon Monday, March 27.

What’s in it for me?: Our favorite answer wins two tickets to the show.

“Hallucination City,” for 100 electric guitars
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 8:00pm
Walt Disney Cryogenic Tomb/Concert Hall
111 S. Grand
Los Angeles, CA
(323) 850-2000
Tickets a scant $10!

From the press release:

LOS ANGELES, CA — CEO Steven Saxton announced today plans to change the name of Doc Hollywood Studios to Hollywood Studios International.

“This is a subtle change, but a significant one. Our future is larger than North America, and we wanted to brand ourselves with a global identity,” Saxton said.

The move follows the Company’s increased activity in Dubai, as well as several international acquisitions currently under review. The Company’s long-term plans include offices in London, Paris, and San Paulo.

The Company will be based out of Los Angeles and Dubai, U.A.E. The name change will be completed within the next month and stockholders are encouraged to contact the Los Angeles office for updated reports and company materials.

On the news, shares of the company’s stock held steady at 0.15 cents a share.

The reborn Hollywood Studios International, whose V.P. of Internal Affairs, Kimberly Mullen, was a former contestant on Survivor, will inherit a fine slate of upcoming filmed entertainments such as:

• BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 2005
  “The motion picture is expected to be budgeted at US$14 million, and partially take advantage of European financial and tax incentives, such as those in force in England and Hungary. Consequently, the film will be shot on location in Europe. While no directors have been singled out as possibilities, the companies are talking to several European directors at this time.”
• MOTO KIDZ
  Executive Producer:Steven Saxton
  Producers: Steve Perry and Alexander Tabrizi
  Director: TBA
  Budget: TBA
  Distribution: TBA
  Genre: Adventure
• DUDES
  No information available
• ARMY MEN
  No information available

The new name change comes just five months after changing their name from Doc Hollywood Kidz, Inc. to Doc Hollywood Studios, Inc. That press release from October 2005 announcing the change, as well as plans for a branded Visa debit card, is helpfully preserved on their website:

HOLLYWOOD, CA–Oct 6, 2005– Doc Hollywood Kidz, Inc. has completed a 1 for 100 reverse split of its common stock, acquired Doc Hollywood Studios, Inc. as a wholly owned subsidiary that owns Doc Hollywood Productions and Artist International Management and changed its name to Doc Hollywood Studios, Inc.

***

We are also currently finalizing our marketing plan for setting up cardholder benefit programs to launch Doc Hollywood Kidz/Artist International Visa Debit Cards. In addition, we plan to rapidly grow through continued strategic partnerships and acquisitions, which are currently in negotiations

Come to think of it, I never did get my Doc Hollywood Kidz/Artist International Visa debit card in the mail. I guess I will have to reapply for the Hollywood Studios International Visa debit card. (Do they take Visa in Dubai?)

*Cough* *Cough*
We continue to cough up Minimalist Disney Hall tix.

*Cough*
Thursday, March 30. Go piano crazy with Eddie Money, Piano Spheres and Eddie Murphy.

Artists:
Gloria Cheng, piano; Vicki Ray, piano; Mark Robson, piano; Susan Svrcek, piano; Tom Raney, percussion

Program:
Reich: Four Organs
Glass: Opening/Wichita Vortex Sutra
Riley: Ragtempus Fugatis
McPhee: Balinese Ceremonial Music
Pärt: Annum per annum
Cage: In a Landscape
Lang: Orpheus Over & Under
Andriessen: Workers Union
Money: Take Me Home Tonight
Murphy: The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Cosby: Ghost Dad

The challenge: In music. The language, music. How many sharps / flats does C major have?

The gravy: Our third correct e-mail response at contest@losanjealous.com wins two tickets to the show.

This particular contest appears to cater to hella hardcore musicians. If you don’t have the mad theory skillz required to enter, take heart young brave. You can still see the show. Tickets are a wallet-thumping $10; purchase them here.

Piano Spheres
Thursday, March 30, 2006, 8:00 PM
Walt Disney Haunted Mansion feat. the talented Eddies Murphy and Money

Begpardon. I’ve been lax in my concert reviews. Following are the reviews of four concerts I’ve attended since 18 March 2006 (three days ago), from newest to oldest. Deep down, though, you and I both know this is merely a transparent excuse to foist another questionably informative HTML table onto your eyes. Behold:

6 bits. It won’t buy you much today. It might get you one laundromat spin cycle (not including detergent or fabric softener) or 90 minutes on a parking meter on Fairfax, but for today, and today only, folks, those same 3 quarters bought throngs a full-sized corned beef sandwich on rye, complete with pickle, potato salad and cookie at Canter’s Deli in a one-day promotion in celebration of their 75th Anniversary. Crazy, I know–but I’m not making this up, I swear! Lines exteneded up and down Fairfax, one for take out, the other dine in. Arriving right at noon, I got right in there in my own booth and the room was quickly filled to capacity. My hipsterish waiter was jovial and quick, clearly not pacing himself for 12 grueling hours of the put-a-fork-in-your-eye insanity that awaited him. Local TV “crews” worked the room, hovering over the oldest/youngest diners to grab a soundbite and shoot some B-roll. (I swear I heard one video guy say “Hey that guy over there looks pretty old.”) My food arrived promptly. The beef was well corned, satisfyingly fatty, but never gristly. The rye, dilly and spectacular, with crustly edges and a soft inner–not unlike our better poets. The pickle, I am sorry to report, was a slight disappointment, it was limp, lacking the crunch I desired. The potato salad, however, made up for the let down of the pickle–creamy, mustardy, perfectly textured, it joined up with the dill from the rye in my mouth and they slid hand-in-hand down my esophagus, on their way to my contented stomach. I would tell you about the cookie here, but I forgot it. See, I wrapped it up on a napkin to take it to go, then went to the wallet for the tip but I didn’t have any ones and so I went up to pay and make change, but I couldn’t make that U-turn back to my table so fast because they thought I was going in for another $0.75 deal, but I explained I was going back to drop the tip, and so he waived me through, but the busboy was already clearing the table. It wasn’t until I was in my car until the harsh realization set in: I had left my chocolate rugula on the table. At least I have this picture of it.

Note: As you see, if you add a bowl of matzo and a coffee, you will totally throw off your meal’s cost basis, rendering the deal not nearly as sweet.

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our picks.

Pick of the Week: Jose Gonzalez
1991: L.A. Dodger outfielder, Jose Gonzalez, goes 0 for 28 in 42 games and is traded to Pittsburgh for Mitch Webster, tarnishing the Jose Gonzalez name citywide.
2006: Swedish singer-songwriter, Jose Gonzalez, will bring down the house Monday at the Hotel Cafe and Tuesday at the Jensen Rec Center, restoring pride for countless area Jose Gonzalezes.

Heads up: 3/24 The 88 @ Ground Zero; 4/2 Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Silversun Pickups, more surprise guests @ Spaceland; 4/11 Pretty Girls Make Graves @ Amoeba; 4/19 Dresden Dolls @ Virgin Hollywood and Highland; 7/6 Belle and Sebastian w/LA Phil @ Hollywood Bowl; 7/23 Flaming Lips, Thievery Corporation @ Hollywood Bowl

TUESDAY
Ben Harper @ Amoeba (free)
Battle, Forward Russia @ Cinespace
Jose Gonzalez @ Jensen Rec Center
Tapes ‘N Tapes, Cold War Kids @ Knitting Factory
Mazarin, The Double, Ark @ Spaceland
Rancid @ Echo
Say Hi to Your Mom @ Silverlake Lounge
Richard Hawley @ Knitting Factory
Guggenheim Grotto @ Hotel Cafe
Gus Black @ Largo
Sounds @ Jimmy Kimmel

WEDNESDAY
The Double, Mazarin @ Pitzer College
Snow Patrol @ Troubadour
Sounds, MORNINGWOOD!!! @ Henry Fonda
Earlimart @ King King
Tapes ‘n Tapes @ Spaceland
Polysics @ Kniting Factory

THURSDAY
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah @ El Rey
Metric @ Henry Fonda
Subways @ Troubadour
Arab Strap @ Knitting Factory

FRIDAY
Guster @ Roxy
Beth Orton @ Avalon
Gogol Bordello @ Key Club
Augustana @ Troubadour
Asobi Seksu @ Spaceland
Gomez @ Virgin Hollywood and Highland (free)
88 @ Ground Zero (free)

SATURDAY
KCRW A Sounds Esoteric Eventing @ Universal Amphitheater
Guster @ Roxy
Augustana @ Troubadour
Soundlessons @ Echo
Mike Andrews @ Amoeba (free)

SUNDAY
Snoop Dogg @ Forum

Thanks to Nicole for the 88 tip, Koganuts for the Sounds tip and Bort for the Asobi Seksu correction!

A very good day to you, sir.

In re: Fairfax Flea Market. . . Does anybody actually call it the Melrose Trading Post? Or do the masses refer to it, as I do, as the Fairfax Flea Market. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, sayeth Bill. Let us not dwell on the name but instead be thankful that a school in the heart of Hollywood allows the carnival week in, week out– in fact, the school counts on the revenue acquired from said as necessary. I must admit that if the vendors at the corner of Melrose and Fairfax were to begin setting up shop on the campus of my own red state alma mater, local administration would be crapping pants and calling the fire department. So then! Rock on, rock-and-roll high school. We salute you.

Entry

First off, make sure you have in your possession the $1 Entry LA Weekly Coupon which can usually be found by rifling one of the Weeklies at the Daily Grind coffee shop across the street. The dollar you save on admission can be used to help defray the cost of something incredibly foolish once inside.

Be wary of the gatekeeper who gets easily flustered while collecting cash. Small bills are strongly advised. Bring singles. If you have to bust a $20 to get in, not only will you piss the gatekeeper off and hold up the line, you’ll also run the risk of freaking the gatekeeper out to the point where he gets confused and gives you incorrect change. Following this you’ll walk a few meters, count your change, turn around, brandish a wad of sweaty bills at him and say “Not enough!” causing him to become even more pissed and argue the accusation while the entire line glowers at you. Finally he pays you off just to be rid of you. Whether or not you are in the right, you will end up looking like an ass holding up the line. Again, bring singles.

There is a process in place at the gate. Adhere:

• Approach the silly-looking wagon in two single-file lines. You will be intensely scrutinized by three or four people wearing headsets. Pay them neither mind nor money.
• At the counter, pay your admission fee ($1 or $2 per person, based on whether or not you remembered to scavenge for the $1 coupon in the Weekly)
• Receive a carnival ticket.
• Hand carnival ticket to another headset-clad person not two feet away from where you just purchased the ticket
• Stamp time. Get hand stamped by final headset person. Make sure you ask the worker to stamp the ink right on top of whatever club stamped your hand with ink the night before. Settle for no other spot.

Everybody all set? Jesus. That was a process-and-a-half, but we’re finally inside the gate. Let’s do this.
»continue reading Melrose Trading Post: The Rules of Engagement

A-Tiddly, Diddle-Tee Dee!,
The luck o’ the Irish to Ye!
Ta-Dee, DeeDee, DEEE!,
Ta-Dong, Da-Da-DONNNG!,
A-Diddly, Diddly, DONG!, (Ta-Dee).

A-Tiddly, Diddle-Tee Dee!,
T’will be Bushmills-on-ice for Thee!
Ta-Dee, DeeDee, DEEE!,
Ta-Dong, Da-Da-DONNNG!,
A-Diddly, Diddle-Dee, DONG!, (Ta-Dee).

As you lather up with Irish Spring and venture forth this evening, remember ye golden rule of cultural beer-sales-driven holidays: ONLY MEXICAN BARS AT ST PAT’S, ONLY IRISH PUBS AT CINCO DE MAYO. You know this. Repeat it to yourself eighty times before you walk out that door this evening. Once for each snake St. Patrick smote with a stick his first thirty metres.

Now then! On to the evening bar guide. Brief but effective. Look for the drunk, blurry leprechaun giving you the finger seal of approval for your best chance at a normal place to take the bite off another work week:

Westside
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Cock and Bull	Finn McCool’s
Magic Johnson’s TGIFriday’s	O’Brien’s (Main Street)
Joker	O’Dickums
Red Garter	Brennan’s
The Talpa	Patrick Molloy’s
Fairfax
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
El Carmen	Tom Bergin’s House of Irish Chafing
Snakepit (bring stick for smiting)	Molly Malone’s
Monroe’s	St. Nick’s
Losanjealous recommends you both go to and avoid:
Canter’s
Hollywood / Li’l Armenia
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Coach and Horses	Cat & Fiddle
GrAsshopper	Three Clubs (clubs :: shamrocks)
Power House	Pig ‘n’ Whistle
Blacklight	La Poubelle
Koreatown
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Prince	Nowhere!
OB Bear
Dansungsa
For The Good Time
Rosen Brewery
Frank ‘N’ Hank’s
Zip
HMS Bounty
Anyplace whatsoever
Far East/Atwater/Glendale/Pasadena
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Footsie’s	Tam O’Shanter Inn
Red Lion Tavern
Bigfoot Lodge
Damon’s	McMurphy’s
35er	Moose McGillishiddy’s
San Gabriel Valley
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
The Venice Room	Anything that looks suspiciously Irish. These are Chinese waters!
Bahooka
San Fernando Valley
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at:	Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Corbin Bowl	Ireland’s 32
Blue Room

Me? I’ll be making a brief appearance at every single bar on this page. I’m Irish. Ta-Diddly-Dong-Dee! See you out there. Hire a driver.

Autopia, Tomorrowland, Disneyland, 1956

Get your tickets now for these events! THE “DISNEYLAND” TOUR OF DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES, Sundays March 19 and April 2, 2006 – and… THE RETRO DISNEYLAND SLIDE SHOW, Saturday March 25, & Sunday March 26, at the Egyptian in Hollywood.

Last weeks slide: “Autopia” of Downtown Los Angeles, the freeway interchange called the “stack,” and this week’s, Autopia in Tomorrowland at Disneyland. The similarities between the two are staggering!

In the background, telephone poles and electric lines service a fresh tract of modern ranch homes. Between them, on the other side of the green burm, a newly completed stretch of the Santa Ana Freeway makes a beeline from the Disneyland exit to the famous “stack” just forty or so miles northwest. Inside the burm is the most popular original attraction in Tomorrowland.

Autopia is an idyllic, child-proof, junior scale freeway where sometimes reckless and inexperienced underage drivers thrill to the delight of driving a gasoline powered car, many for the very first time. Many treat the pint-sized, European style sports cars like glorified bumper cars.

At night the mini highway is illuminated with two-tone yellow and navy blue dinosaur neck streetlamps; some with two heads! Oil-soaked asphalt contrasts the bright white cement posts and borders. A billboard representing Richfield, Autopia’s original sponsor, stands on the far right. Lush green grass and tiny shrubs add Mother Nature’s touch. An employee costumed to resemble a traffic cop directs traffic from the center divider of the overpass defines the scale.

According to the legend, in 1955, when Disneyland first opened, Walt Disney and his Imagineers had no idea that people driving on the junior freeway would get a thrill by putting the petal to the metal then smashing into the car in front of them. So just a couple of weeks after the grand opening the entire fleet of those delicate fiberglass-bodied cars were either damaged or destroyed. So they had to be re-bodied and fitted with bumpers designed to withstand crash impacts every few minutes.

Among my earliest childhood memories is standing up to the sign posted in front of Autopia clearly stating: “YOU MUST BE THIS TALL TO DRIVE.” The disappointment of just not quite being tall was almost just too much to bear. Driving those little cars were way better than driving a go-cart and the next best thing to driving a real car that you had to wait until you were a whopping sixteen to drive.

Over the years Autopia has evolved at Disneyland. The latest incarnation is just as fun as it ever was and even includes an unexpected bit of “off-roading.”

Here’s to the Real Autopia and you!

Charles Phoenix

Visit Charles’ site or join his Slide of the Week Mailing List.

And here you thought the New Times takeover wouldn’t improve things at the Weekly. Check out the innovative new ad spot stapled to the front.

How pissed are you if you’re William Kelly and your entire cover piece title and byline is completely blocked out by a damn ad?

I, too, have oft-Googled making a barry sanders hand puppets out of socks and found losanjealous to be the #1 return. When I click the link, however, I find nothing relating to making a barry sanders hand puppets out of socks whatsoever.

Frustrating, no? Take heart. I thought I’d help you out.

1. Save a single clean sock. The sock should be large enough to fit over a person’s hand. Sheer nylon is not advisable for this project.

2. Gather craft supplies: construction paper, black Sharpie™, wiggly-jiggly eyes, felt (orange, black, blue, grey), yarn, pipe cleaners, craft glue, cotton balls, elastic piping, crap like that. A 5″ toy plastic football helmet approximating the Detroit Lions or Oklahoma State Cowboys will be the icing on the cake, provided you can round one up.

3. Place hand in sock.

4. Mark areas for mouth, eyes, nose, and ears with a Sharpie™.

5. Cut red mouth from felt and glue in marked mouth area with fabric glue.

6. Drink one red stripe beer.

7. Glue wiggly-jiggly eyes in place.

8. Cut bits of yarn for hair. Glue yarn to sock. This could get messy, but gets easier with practice. Try crafting the entire Lions’/Cowboys’ offensive line before moving on to Sanders. By the time you get to Sanders, you’ll be a pro at this step.

9. If you are making an OSU Barry Sanders puppet, use a stencil to cut the number 21, twice, from orange felt and fasten to the front and back of the sock with glue.

10. If you are making a Detroit Lions Barry Sanders puppet, use a stencil to cut the number 20, twice, from grey felt and fasten to the front and back of the sock with glue.

Next week: How to make a tiny-wee jersey that will fit over your sock in lieu of glueing felt numbers directly to the sock.