A Jig for St. Pat’s: The Losanjealous St. Patrick’s Day Boozing Guide

abrechaunA-Tiddly, Diddle-Tee Dee!,
The luck o’ the Irish to Ye!
Ta-Dee, DeeDee, DEEE!,
Ta-Dong, Da-Da-DONNNG!,
A-Diddly, Diddly, DONG!, (Ta-Dee).

A-Tiddly, Diddle-Tee Dee!,
T’will be Bushmills-on-ice for Thee!
Ta-Dee, DeeDee, DEEE!,
Ta-Dong, Da-Da-DONNNG!,
A-Diddly, Diddle-Dee, DONG!, (Ta-Dee).

As you lather up with Irish Spring and venture forth this evening, remember ye golden rule of cultural beer-sales-driven holidays: ONLY MEXICAN BARS AT ST PAT’S, ONLY IRISH PUBS AT CINCO DE MAYO. You know this. Repeat it to yourself eighty times before you walk out that door this evening. Once for each snake St. Patrick smote with a stick his first thirty metres.

Now then! On to the evening bar guide. Brief but effective. Look for the drunk, blurry leprechaun giving you the finger seal of approval for your best chance at a normal place to take the bite off another work week:

drunkrechaun

Westside
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Cock and Bull Finn McCool’s
Magic Johnson’s TGIFriday’s O’Brien’s (Main Street)
Joker
O’Dickums
Red Garter Brennan’s
The Talpa Patrick Molloy’s
Fairfax
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
El Carmen Tom Bergin’s House of Irish Chafing
Snakepit (bring stick for smiting) Molly Malone’s
Monroe’s St. Nick’s
Losanjealous recommends you both go to and avoid:
Canter’s
Hollywood / Li’l Armenia
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Coach and Horses Cat & Fiddle
GrAsshopper Three Clubs (clubs :: shamrocks)
Power House Pig ’n’ Whistle
Blacklight La Poubelle
Koreatown
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Prince Nowhere!
OB Bear
Dansungsa
For The Good Time
Rosen Brewery
Frank ’N’ Hank’s
Zip
HMS Bounty
Anyplace whatsoever
Far East/Atwater/Glendale/Pasadena
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Footsie’s Tam O’Shanter Inn
Red Lion Tavern
Bigfoot Lodge
Damon’s
McMurphy’s
35er Moose McGillishiddy’s
San Gabriel Valley
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
The Venice Room Anything that looks suspiciously Irish. These are Chinese waters!
Bahooka
San Fernando Valley
Losanjealous recommends you get plastered at: Losanjealous recommends you wholeheartedly avoid:
Corbin Bowl Ireland’s 32
Blue Room

Me? I’ll be making a brief appearance at every single bar on this page. I’m Irish. Ta-Diddly-Dong-Dee! See you out there. Hire a driver.