The Basics: Did T open up a Meat Market without telling T about it? This is not my Meat Market and they are using my NAME.

Neighborhood: Inglewood

Address: 62nd and Western

Why You Should Visit: I told these fools to cease and desist! Mr. T doesn’t like pick-up bars! I busted up some shady goings-on in the back alley, and was about to knock these punks out using my name…told them not to give me no back talk! Then they hooked Mr. T up with some T-Bones! If you’re gonna buy a T-Bone, you might as well get it at Mr. T’s Meat Market. Just stay out of the alley, fools. This is no pick-up bar.

Additional Notes: Meat. It does a T good.

If you believe everything you’ve seen in the movie Dig, fan encounters with the Brian Jonestown Massacre can indeed be stranger than fiction. As such, Losanjealous is opening up a fan fiction contest to compete. Our favorite, most wacked-out BJM fan fiction story wins a pair of tickets to either the 4/21 or 4/22 Brian Jonestown Massacre show at Little Radio Warehouse.

Don’t know what fan fiction is? Here are some examples to get your creative juices flowing.

Wow. Did you read those? Disgusting. Fine…if you’re not into the fanfic, fool us with your most convincing argument as to why you deserve the tickets. Make us laugh.

Send entries to: contest@losanjealous.com
Deadline: April 14, high noon
*Please include your preferred concert date*

Today has been declared Crash Day by Mayor Tony V. So for just for one day, L.A., can you all please stop acting like the fucking hateful racists that you all are? I will do my part, if you will do yours. For today, in honor of Crash Day, I will not view others through the prism of race/ethnicity and stereotype, but instead will look at them as human beings. For example, when I get my lunchtime falafel at the hookah joint up the block and he skimps on the hummus, like always, today I will not shout “What gives, Osama? Saving up for the jihad?”

And so we invite you to take the pledge with us and comment with examples of how you will not be racist for one day in honor of Crash Day.

If you won’t take the pledge with us, maybe you should come out from behind the metal and glass that keeps you away from humanity and head to Best Buy to pick up the new 2-disc DVD set (in stores today) and learn something. Here is what you get for $16.99:

Disc 1:
Director’s Cut with 4 additional minutes of footage extending several scenes
DVD Introduction by Director Paul Haggis
Trailers
Disc 2:
Deleted Scenes with Director Commentary
“Behind the Metal and Glass” Making of Crash
On Paul Haggis – Featurette
“LA – The Other Main Character” Featurette
Unspoken Featurette
Bird York “In the Deep” Music Video
Music Montages
Script-to-Screen Comparisons
Storyboard-to-Screen Comparisons

Those 4 additional minutes of footage should do you some good, you racist prick.

UPDATE 3:45 p.m.: Goddammit, I couldn’t get through the day without my deep seeded Angeleno racist tendency revealing itself. I made it past the falafel guy OK with some deep breathing exercises, but afterwards the Korean guy in the lobby shop shortchanged me and then a shaved-headed Mexican UPS guy splashed me with his truck. And, yep, I went there. I’ve placed my order for the DVD.

The Basics: Does T embroider? Does he knit with the yarn and the what-have-you’s? This is not my custom embroidering company and they are using my NAME.

Neighborhood: Thousand Oaks

Address: (? )

Why You Should Visit: There are worse places to be than Thousand Oaks when the embroidery mood strikes. You could be in Camarillo, sucka! Truth be told I never found these chumps….just their van. It AINT NO A-TEAM van! If you’re in Thousand Oaks and find these fools, let ‘em know: T would like a word.

Additional Notes: Embroidery. It’s cool.

East side. No place finer. Just kicking it, 30 minutes to sundown. I armwrestle my wireless provider for taco-centric recommendations. “Robot of my Treo,” I type in furiously. “You have been there for me in the past (one, two). I need again. Treo Robot I need you now perhaps more than any other time. I call upon you, robot. Four dollars have I, no more, no less. I crave. I’ve a craving. Tacos. I crave tacos. East side. What say you.”

45 minutes pass. No answer. The robot is fucking with me.

Suddenly it comes at once. A great wave of text. Robot is terse. Irate. Done with this project.

“TACOS CHAPALITA 2929 N BROADWAY FOUR DOLLARS FOUR TACOS ONE COKE CUATRO TACOS COKE NO TAX ; ~~ LOL ”

Somebody’s using one of those area scramblers. The screen goes fuzzy. My hand tingles from the heat.

“CUATACO CUATRACO CUATACRO TACOKE ~~~ ”

“CUATACROKE™–”

Something of an amalgam of cuatro, taco, Coke™. I go to the address. Four dollars and not hungry later, I’m done. A man sits at the streamlined counter gazing toward Lincoln Heights, Treo-looking device in one hand, Tamarindo in the other [photo]. I get up the nerve to ask, “Do you work for [redacted wireless provider] ? ”

He turns slowly, grinning. He doesn’t answer. Paranoia runs deep but it’s never run east. What’s going on here.

Tacos Chapalita
Arguably the best deal in the entire city (guaranteed™ by Ryan’s Wireless Provider)
2929 N Broadway
Lincoln Heights
323.222.4751

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our picks.

Pick of the Week: Two Gallants @ Troubadour.

“Now that he was alone his face looked older. His gaiety seemed to forsake him and, as he came by the railings of the Duke’s Lawn, he allowed his hand to run along them. The air which the harpist had played began to control his movements. His softly padded feet played the melody while his fingers swept a scale of variations idly along the railings after each group of notes…” (continued)

TUESDAY
Bitter:Sweet @ Temple Bar
Andrew WK @ Knitting Factory
Two Gallants @ Troubadour
Van Hunt @ Roxy

WEDNESDAY
Andrew WK @ Knitting Factory
Jolie Holland @ Largo

THURSDAY
Edith Frost @ Spaceland
Mike Stinson @ Silverlake Lounge
David Garza @ Largo

FRIDAY
Carneyball Johnson @ Amoeba (free)
Bad Haggis @ Getty (free)

SATURDAY
Boy Least Likely To @ Spaceland
Stan Ridgway @ Echo
Elbow @ Avalon
Sondre Lerche @ Troubadour

SUNDAY
Phil Ochs tribute @ Smell
Sondre Lerche @ Troubadour

Peet’s Coffee turns 40 today. They’ll be handing out cofFree from 1 to 3pm. If you didn’t know, Peet’s is basically the great bearded grandaddy of Starbucks:

In the early months, each of the founders traveled to Berkeley to learn more about coffee roasting from their mentor, Alfred Peet, who urged them to keep deepening their knowledge of coffees and teas. For most of the first year, Starbucks ordered its coffee beans from Peet’s, but then the partners purchased a used roaster from Holland and set up roasting operations in a nearby ramshackle building.*

It is physically possible to obtain eight free coffees between 1 and 3pm today — replete with nervous system shakes that will last well into the midnight hour — by adhering to the following route:

Start at Peet’s Beverly Hills. At precisely 1pm, run inside and order up a free cup. Get out immediately. Make a left on Wilshire and haul it to Peet’s Westwood Village. Parking can be a problem here. Leave the car running on the sidewalk. Get in, get the coffee, get out. You have absolutely no time for PDiddyRiese cookies to complement this coffee. Don’t lie to yourself. Get back in your car. Proceed immediately down Westwood Blvd to Peet’s Westwood. Same drill. If you’re doing things right it should be about 1:35 at this point. Head to Peet’s Brentwood. Get the coffee. Down Montana to Peet’s Montana. Get the coffee. Over the 10 to Peet’s Edgemar. Somewhat uncomfortably say hello to Steve, the guy who under-the-table subletted an Ocean Park bungalow to me for a year. He’s always here. Marvel at the amazing breezy ugliness that is Geary’s Edgemar. Take a photo of the Galley [photo]. Stop dawdling. You have to get to south bay to Peet’s Manhattan, which will be a serious timesuck. Further, you need to ultimately cross the Vincent Thomas to Peet’s Belmont Shore, and you have less than 45 minutes to do so. Step to it.

Once you’ve hit your last Peet’s, relax. Slow things down. Your heart may explode at any minute. With all of the money you’ve saved today, buy a 40th anniversary commemorative mug. Fill it with Peet’s signature coffee. Stroll down to Starbucks. Stand outside, peer at everyone through the window and drink your coffee smugly, smugly.

Finally, if your name is Pete, make sure this is known in every Peet’s you frequent. “One small Peet’s for Pete, please.”

*source: this case study
more from wikipedia

The Los Angeles Dodgers of Echo Park open the ’06 season at home against the ATL Braves today. If it doesn’t get rained out, here’s the bill of Opening Day festivities on tap for fans at the stadium today.

Opening Day Schedule of Events:

11:55 am – Players at turnstiles until 12:10 pm
11:56 am - Without the help of names on their jerseys, incoming fans try to guess who each player is. “I think that was Dioner Navarro.” “No, that’s Olmedo Saenz. I think.” Etc.
12:00 pm – Hootie and the Blowfish performance – 30 minute set
12:00:01 pm - Beer run en masse
12:30 pm – 1981 World Series celebration video feature on Dodgervision
12:31 pm – Collective realization hits Chavez Ravine that 1981 was 25 goddamned years ago, wonders what the hell have they done with their lives
12:35 pm - Parachute team begins jump into outfield area with game balls
12:36 pm – “Now that’s how you deliver some goddamn balls to a game!” overheard
12:40 pm – Louisville Slugger Silver Slugger Award – Jeff Kent
12:41 pm - Jeff Kent declines award, announces to crowd he’s just here to do his job as a professional, not to be anyone’s friend, heads to dugout, reads motocross magazine
12:42 pm – Atlanta Braves Intros
12:47 pm – Dodger Intros – Fireworks shot during starting line-up
12:48 pm – First of many, many ironic “Nomah” calls to come heard
12:52 pm – Tommy Lasorda First Ball ceremony
12:56 pm – Royal Rangers Color guard
12:57 pm – God Bless America and the National Anthem – Kristin Chenoweth
12:58 pm – McCourts realize no one in L.A. gives a shit about Broadway stars
1:00 pm - Air Force Flyover
1:01 pm - “Woo hoo! Take that Osama!”
1:05 pm - Mayor Villaraigosa to present Guinness Certificate to Ron Cey
1:06 pm – At home in the Valley, sitting on his cream colored leather sofa, Tom Niedenfuer sips some Johnny Walker on ice and wonders why they didn’t invite him out for all this ’81 season stuff
1:10 pm - Game time
1:13 pm - J.D. Drew injured, out for season

The setup: I just got back from a recon mission in Texas, suckah!

The rationale: I went down to Austin to straighten out these fools at Mister Tee Golf making money off my name. How’s a T supposed to know all these punks would be in town for some thing called the South by Southwest. That ain’t T’s thing!

The altercation: After I swept the floor with those chumps at Mr. Tee’s golf, I heard about some band called The Brian Jonestown Massacre and this guy Anton who might be startin’ trouble and doin’ crazy things! Mr. T don’t want to see no massacre! Mr. T decided to show up and protect the people from this Anton!

Crazy? The craziest thing that fool did was to quit playing a song after 11 minutes! Right when Mr. T was getting in to it! That makes a T mad! Next thing you know I am all up on him like Rockem Sockem robots! I made him FINISH that song!

No more Texas for T. I whipped that city into shape! If you losanjealous readers want to see what I’m talkin’ about live and in person, you can see that Anton and The Brian Jonestown Massacre at the Little Radio Warehouse w/ Bright Channel on 4/21 and 4/22. There will be no massacre! T will protect you suckahs and make sure no songs end early! Cuz that makes me mad! Grrr…