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Losanjealous Benevolent Society Events: June 30-July 6
By Ron - Friday June 30th 2006

losanjealous benevolent societyThe Losanjealous Benevolent Society gathers a weekly list of strange happenings and fun events in LA–the more ridiculous, the better. Visit our events calendar for the full list. And if you’re organizing or know of an event you think belongs on the list, send us info at tips@losanjealous.com.

FRIDAY

Don’t Knock the Rock Festival @ REDCAT
A high-energy mix of film and music, the festival celebrates the rock ‘n’ roll roots of Hollywood with classic and brand-new rock films that contain quintessential music performances and vintage footage of important artists in their prime, plus live shows by fresh musical talents who embody the spirit of rock innovation. Through Sun 7/2.

Roger Corman presents The Big Sleep @ Skirball
In the 1950s and 60s Roger Corman blazed a pioneering trail as an independent producer and director, making low-budget films including the cult classic The Little Shop of Horrors. A Q&A will follow the screening.

SATURDAY

Donovan Crosby :: Kindertotenlieder @ sixspace
In her new acrylic-on-canvas paintings, Donovan Crosbyportrays Victorian-era children with flowers and explores what happens when the idealized version of each is juxtaposed with their underlining darker reality. Taking from the middle class moralism of this era and its concern for a systemization of culture, Crosby plays with the contradictions of the time (refinement, cultivation, and restraint vs. child labor, dangerous health conditions, and rampant prostitution) to weave her own poignant narrative through her haunting paintings. Through Sat 8/12.

Dr. Strangelove @ Hollywood Forever Cemetary
Cinespia is a film society created to bring together the community of film enthusiasts in Los Angeles. We are convinced that Angelenos are still enthusiastic about cinema’s great films, including those outside the normal repertory.

FIX / ESCAPE @ ADM Project
The Pandemonium Collective Presents “FIX / ESCAPE” a multiple medium examination of the vices and obsessions we use as a means of escape, where we escape to, and what those places might look like. Through Sat 7/22.

Night Vision @ MOCA
NIGHT VISION: MOCA After Dark presents 15 Saturdays of exciting programs including artmaking, screenings, groundbreaking DJs, live music, spoken word, guided tours, and a cash bar and light fare at Patinette Cafe during Robert Rauschenberg: Combines.

»continue reading Losanjealous Benevolent Society Events: June 30-July 6



Fresh Talent Is So Difficult To Find!
By Jeannette - Friday June 30th 2006

JwintourI’ve been searching for fresh intern blood….punctual people….people who won’t quibble and ask for things a plebe should never ask for…like money. Hard-nosed journalists who don’t answer back and who can meet a deadline. After spending countless hours on craigslist and only ending up with a free broken refrigerator and a casual encounter or two, I decided to fish another proverbial well of journalist professionalism and preparedness: my inbox at losanjealous.

From: “Sung Chacon” < [redacted]@yahoo.com>
To: [redacted]
CC: [redacted], [redacted], [redacted]
Subject: Does 8 incches Enough 4 U? ZGA

Here’s latest “Maxx” formula has been proven
to add inches to the sizes while multiplying
orgasms like never had before.
Our products is light years ahead of our competitors
which has millions of happy users.

Check us out..You won’t regret.

http://m14.hbtool.biz

FINALLY you write back! Yes 8 inches is enough for me but so is 3 inches or 2 inches as long as you finish your assignment. I send you to review Hot Dogs and Donuts in Santa Monica and you send me no review or photos and I have to take my own photos and then you ask me how long your review has to be? 8 inches, 1 inch, I do not care. Your assignment is overdue and we aren’t going to send you to any more wet t-shirt contests if you can’t even finish one lousy story. AGAIN here is your assignment: IT IS DUE NEXT WEDNESDAY OR NO MORE WET T-SHIRT. It can be 8 inches or less.

You are to go to DONUTS AND HOT DOGS in Santa Monica.
It is on Broadway, just west of Third.

donuts and hot dogs

You are to order a donut and a hot dog. You are to ask for the thickest hot dog. You are then to ask for the longest hot dog. You are then to ask the counter person to shove the hot dog in the donut hole for you. If they refuse, become agitated and say that it’s Dutch tradition. Take photos. Report back to me with stories and photos.

Booyakasha,
Jeannette Wintour
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

From: MIKE [redacted]@yahoo.fr
Date: Jun 29, 2006 11:44 AM
Subject: LEAVE ME ALONE, OK????
To: [redacted]

OMG okay I played foam with you guys once and gave out my email, I’ve been trying to figure out where the hell these emails were comming from, LEAVE ME ALONE DUDE COME ON!

»continue reading Fresh Talent Is So Difficult To Find!



The Streets @ Fonda: The Timely Review
By Ryan - Thursday June 29th 2006

Streets!

Streets!

Good Sweet Fantasti-Lasti, my [redacted] wireless internet provider is officially fired, and this time I really mean it. We sent a reviewer to check out Lady Sov and The Streets @ Fonda NINE AND TEN DAYS ago. Said reviewer claimed to have been live-blogging the show via Treo™, but I received nary word.

10 June 2006. I’m standing around. In my boxers. In front of the TV. “Robot of the Treo and RAZR®™,” I type. “Is G Net at the The Streets show? How is the show? I have heard nary word of the show. Pray tell, Robot, if you can, what can you tell of the show?”

Nada.

Streets ReviewNil. I get more responses from my shoe.

Big Ø.

Until today.

Live hip-hop can be a tricky thing to pull off. Aside from the Roots and the now-defunct Anti-Pop Consortium (RIP), I can think of very few hip-hop shows that didn’t leave me wanting more of the identical vibe of the polished, produced album. Lavish stage shows can sometimes take mind off music, but even that can only go so far. So as much as I like The Streets, I must admit I’m not terribly surprised at the nineteen-day-old review.

The Streets Photos by Michael Hurd



The Cheesecake Factory: Victim of Its Own Success?
By Victor - Wednesday June 28th 2006

Cheesecake FactoryIt’s yet another instance of the same old story of the decline of the American Mom & Pop business: Mom & Pop come to California from Detroit, open up a successful shop in Beverly Hills, expanding to multiple locations across the country, dabble with a Las Vegas mega version, keep on adding more and more locations, bloating the brand, reaching a critical mass, until, finally, they hit a wall and the downward chart slope starts to really get steep as investors bail out.

The Calabasas-headquartered Cheesecake Factory, whose first restaurant was the familiar Beverly Dr. location, lowered their second-quarter expectations, sending shares plummeting just over 7% today.

Yes, it is hard to witness hard times for the beloved chain that is one of SoCal’s gifts to the popular culinary world, right up there with Puck. Who amongst us can forget their first time at The Cheesecake Factory? Maybe you were on your prom dinner in Woodland Hills and you wanted to impress your date. You had the shoestring onion tower appetizer, but would later question that decision when you didn’t get any that night. Or maybe you were newly away at college in the city, and your folks came up for dinner to make sure you weren’t fucking up too much. They wanted to get you something “heartier” than that “awful dorm food.” You had 4 bites of a burger, your mother had 3 glasses of zinfandel and you caught your father checking out the waitress’s ass in the reflection of the dessert case. Or maybe you just started a new job in town and the office girls wanted to take you out, and, as you would later learn, begin the process of crushing your youthful spirit as theirs had been long ago.

Ladies night outHangin' wit my sistas!Just the gals!Gals at CCF!
Now, older and wiser, you know better. And you understand now that The Cheesecake Factory caters to clientele of spinster secretaries, giddy sorrority sisters, fat out-of-town relatives and Euro tourists. Unlike other restaurants rated for the quality of their meals, they are best known and loved for the immense portions of their plates, which when set before patrons, often elicit such responses such as “Wow, that’s a big salad!” or “You’re going to have to help me eat this!” or “Good Christ in heaven, what fat fuck could eat all this? Seriously. Just send me to a lettuce field in Oxnard with a fork and a bottle of ranch next time.”

Their aestheic influence on the mid-tier American chain restaurant is widespread. Starting with the the soul-sappingly bland wood and marble interior motif, to the Americanized pseudo-ethnic menu (Thai Lettuce Wraps, anyone?) to the gluttonous diabetes-on-a-plate dessert bricks that are now menu staples across the country. The Cheesecake Factory has shaped the way we eat and think about food.

Whether or not The Cheesecake Factory can pull out of this fiscal nosedive remains to be seen. If decline is part of a larger cultural trend away from overpriced, overrated, overportioned, underflavored food, then indeed the forecast looks dismal for them.



Now Playing At The Movies
By Jeannette - Tuesday June 27th 2006

One
screen one

Two
screen two



Arthur Lee Benefit Fund
By Victor - Monday June 26th 2006

ArthurArthur Lee’s Love is, for me, the all time Los Angeles rock band. At some point, I’ll go into why exactly Love is at the top of the class of our local bands (and, perhaps at the same time, why The Eagles are the absolute worst). But right now, the time calls for action and not amateur rock critic wanking and obsessive list making.

If you did not know, earlier this year Arthur was diagnosed with leukemia. He recently underwent an experimental stem cell treatment and is currently in recovery. Last night, a benefit concert headlined by original Love guitarist Johnny Echols and his longtime backing band Baby Lemondade was held at the Whisky. If you missed the show, no worries, you can donate directly to his benet fund at the below link:

Arthur Lee Tribute Fund & Information site

Other links:

Love with Arthur Lee Official site
Love with Arthur Lee fansite



Losanjealous Concert Picks: June 26 - July 2
By Ron - Monday June 26th 2006

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our top picks.

band of horsesPICK OF THE WEEK: Band of Horses @ Echo

Seattle’s Band of Horses are quietly crafting some of the most beautiful, evocative American guitar pop today. They get mentioned alongside My Morning Jacket all the time, but the truth is, their LP Everything All The Time is better than that other band’s last one. See this band by all means.

Send an e-mail to boh-contest@losanjealous.com to enter to win tickets to see Band of Horses at The Echo this Friday 6/30


The LikeAdmitting to liking L.A.’s The Like is often qualified as a guilty pleasure, especially if one is A) over the age of 20, B) male, or C) male and over the age of 20. Sure we’ve heard all the old records and genres they’ve heard and reference: Brit-Pop, shoegaze, Pretenders, Lush, Throwing Muses, Radiohead, and so on. But they somehow they pull it all together and they look good doing it. What more do you want in a pop band?

Send an e-mail to contest@losanjealous.com to enter to win tickets to see The Like @ The Roxy this Thursday 6/29

UPDATE: The contest has ended. Congrats to the winners and thanks to all who entered. Tickets for the show are available here or at the door.


HEADS UP
  • Lotsa stuff @ Santa Monica Pier (free)
  • Wed 6/28 Jamie Lidell @ Amoeba (free)
  • Thu 6/29 Jenny Lewis @ Spaceland
  • Sun 7/2 Murs @ El Rey (free)
  • Thu 7/27 Sleepy Jackson @ Amoeba (free)
  • Fri 7/28 New York Dolls @ Tower Sunset (free w/purchase)
  • Tue 8/8 Dirty Pretty Things @ Fonda
  • Wed 8/9 Subways @ Troubadour
  • Mon 8/21 French Kicks @ Troubadour
  • Sun 9/3 Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players @ Troubadour
  • Tue 9/11-12 Jason Lytle (Grandaddy) @ Hotel Cafe

MONDAY
Corinne Bailey Rae @ Troubadour

TUESDAY
Apollo Sunshine @ Spaceland
Be Your Own Pet w/ Whirlwind Heat @ Troubadour
Beck w/ Jamie Lidell @ Wiltern
Les Claypool @ Avalon
Slick Rick @ House of Blues
Trail of the Dead @ Safari Sam’s (free w/rsvp: rsvp@iheartcomix.com)

WEDNESDAY
Beck w/ Jamie Lidell @ Wiltern
Benefit Concert for Arthur Lee @ Roxy
Built to Spill @ Troubadour
Cat Power @ John Anson Ford
Jamie Lidell @ Amoeba (free)
Lisa Germano, Tom Brosseau @ Largo

THURSDAY
Bedroom Walls @ Amoeba (free)
Built to Spill @ Troubadour
Carla Bozulich @ Echo
Craig Wedren @ Hotel Cafe
Jenny Lewis @ Spaceland
Jolie Holland @ Safari Sam’s
Like @ Roxy
Paris Loves LA @ Tangier
Poncho Sanchez @ Santa Monica Pier (free)
Radiohead @ Greek

FRIDAY
Band of Horses @ Echo
Built to Spill @ Troubadour
Don’t Knock the Rock Festival @ REDCAT
Edan @ Spaceland
Mindless Self Indulgence @ Fonda
Radiohead @ Greek
RX Bandits @ Fonda

SATURDAY
Built to Spill @ Troubadour
Kinky, Sidestepper @ Cal Plaza (free)
Peelander Z @ 14 Below
Poncho Sanchez @ Jazz Bakery
Redd Kross 1987 Neurotica Reunion Show @ REDCAT
Reverend Horton Heat, Tiger Army, Flogging Molly @ Oak Canyon Ranch
Very Be Careful, Peanut Butter Wolf @ Safari Sam’s

SUNDAY
Don’t Knock the Rock Festival @ REDCAT
Dwarves @ Knitting Factory
Emeline Michel, Sara Tavares @ Cal Plaza (free)
Marky Ramone @ Safari Sam’s
Murs @ El Rey (free)
Peelander Z @ Little Pedro’s
Sidestepper @ Temple Bar

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Photo Op: Traders Vics
By Ryan - Sunday June 25th 2006

Traders vics

You could spend $100 on a miracle bar tab at Trader Vic’s in Beverly Hills, ordering up all manner of flaming silly. You could also take same $100 and plunk down your deposit on a miracle car out on San Fernando Road. So the real question, then, is What kind of Trader be you? What’s i’gonna be. Miracle Bar…or Miracle Car?

Miracle Bar or Miracle Car?

Miracle Bar or Miracle Car?

Four-bar. Dminor. D, C, Fmaj, Eb, watch for the bridge.

Miracle Bar inna Miracle Car, drive my
Miracle Car to the Miracle Bar
Miracle Car to the Miracle Bar at a
Miracle Bar via Miracle Car
Got my drunk breath test on Woodman
He say, I swerve just a little bit
Now it’s 40 hours’a community service
Lawyer fees jail, the whole damn bit
Miracle Bar in a Miracle Car
Took the Miracle Car to the Miracle Bar



Quest for the 45-Cent Taco
By Capt. The Receptacle Tim - Sunday June 25th 2006

Tacos Mexico 45 cent tacosMy arrival at Tacos Mexico started with me finding easy parking. At first glance it looked like any other taqueria with the name Tacos Mexico… but no, this was the Tacos Mexico at Glendale and Alvarado.

At second glance I observed the window (with a paper “4″ taped next to a painted “5″ on the window) with a surprise on the rest of the sign saying tacos on Tuesday. After a quick check of my watch, I noticed today was in fact Tuesday. (45-Cent Taco Tuesday!) Things are definitely going my way.

I ventured inside to investigate what the paper “4″ was covering. To my chagrin it was a “3,” so my surprise was temporarily struck down by a lost opportunity of 35-Cent Tacos. Alas. But the almost-crisp 20 dollar bill in my pocket would carry me far, as the tacos would normally be 95 cents. The only taco on the menu that measured a cost more than that on any given day was the chorizo taco at $1.49.

»continue reading Quest for the 45-Cent Taco



Pasadena H Reviews Pasadena Magnolia
By Pasadena H - Sunday June 25th 2006

Pasadena H etc etcDear Losanjealous,

This is Pasadena H reporting to you from Magnolia on Wednesday, June 21, 2006. I was happy because it was happy hour at this lovely lounge. Me buddy Kevin and I partook in some chicken fingers that was battered in corn flakes and we had some beutious onion rings that was volcano shaped with the most excellent BBQ sauce and garlic aioli (ask for this, it is not offered). Let me write now that I love this place. I feel relaxed and at ease when I come here. This place is so cool that I do not tell the people that I work with about this place. I only take close friends. And they do not tell the people they work with to come here. This place is my hideaway and sanctuary. This place opens after 5:00 PM. Thus my peace begins shortly thereafter.

ATMOSPHERE
Pasadena, for all that it is worth, is a suburb to Los Angeles. We know this and are fine with it. I know that there is a Magnolia in Hollywood and I don’t care. I can walk to this one in Pasadena and stumble back. I think that all of the wait staff is cute and that I want to cuddle with them, but not the dudes.
The inside room is cool and relaxing with nice chairs and wallpaper that you wish you had. . If you is wanting a smoke stay to the inside because the inside is outside (pretty cool huh?). If you like to see how a bar like this works wait until they close the doors and they have to open the basement to get more wares for the whole operation to run. Kinda cool.

FOODS
You should know this about the reviewer. More food, less cost make me happy. During happy hour food is half off. Make sure to order the fries. They rock are is served with three different type of sauce. I mentioned the chicken, very good but if I had the chef’s ear I would say to add some cayenne pepper or some smoked paprika to spice it up a bit. The pizza is very good but it is only a fall back option. Be brave my fellow Pasadena-ans.
In the past I have had the burger (very good during happy hour for five dollars) and several of their desserts. Very nice indeed. Any time that you can get their version of macaroni and cheese, DO IT. That alone is a full price option. In all, the foods is good here. Make sure to buys it.

DRINKS
I, being a happy hour slut will order whatever is happy. On Wednesdays before 7:00 PM the drink of choice is a well martini. I had three dirty ones. I was a happy slut. I was both refreshed and thoroughly happy. Drinks arrived quickly and because I have met my seductive server, Faye, I got one ordered before the happiness ended. Joy.
I have had a dirty martini at several places and only here does a dirty well taste so good. Might be the glasses, might be the ambiance.


CROWD

The crowd differs from time to time. I think that before 10:00 PM it is the 40 and over pack. I have been there when most of the crowd is silver haired. Not so bad if you want to find a sugar something or other.
After 10:00 PM, anything goes. Meet up with friends to people watch. Want to avoid Old Town; this is a nice place to meet up. It is always something different.

DRAWBACKS

See above.

CONCLUSION

I dig this place. They have stuff that they project on the wall without sound so that you can fill in your own dialogue.

Pasadena H is a ten-year-old food and alcohol critic living and working in Pasadena. His column, Pasadena H Reviews Pasadena Magnolia, is syndicated on more than 250 blogs nationwide.



Losanjealous Benevolent Society Events: June 23 - 29
By Ron - Friday June 23rd 2006

losanjealous benevolent societyThe Losanjealous Benevolent Society gathers a weekly list of strange happenings and fun events in LA–the more ridiculous, the better. Visit our events calendar for the full list. And if you’re organizing or know of an event you think belongs on the list, send us info at tips@losanjealous.com.

FRIDAY

Cocktails in Historic Places: Casa Del Mar
Enjoy a cool cocktail at the beautiful Casa del Mar, a restored 1930s beach resort with sweeping views of the oceanfront.

Crash @ Cal Plaza
The second annual Grand Performances Film Series opens with 2005’s Oscar winner Crash.

Erotica LA
Celebrate with over 40,000 people at the largest adult lifestyle expo in the world, offering the best in erotic shopping, entertainment and educational seminars. Women, men and couples are invited to this amazing three-day extravaganza. Hosted by Dave Navarro and Jenna Jameson. Through Sun 6/25.

SATURDAY

Al Gore signs An Inconvenient Truth @ Dutton’s
Al Gore may have missed his calling: He would have made a fine science writer. The former vice president’s new book…shows an impressive talent for explanatory journalism. Based on a slide show that Gore has been perfecting on his Mac laptop for years, this handsome volume doesn’t pack quite the same punch as the celluloid version, but it’s still very effective: a book on global warming that’s downright chilling.

An Inconvenient Truth w/Al Gore @ Cal Plaza
Director Davis Guggenheim’s film elegantly weaves the science of global warming with longtime environmental advocate Al Gore’s lifelong commitment to reversing the effects of global climate change.

Cinespia: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly @ Hollywood Forever Cemetary
Cinespia is a film society created to bring together the community of film enthusiasts in Los Angeles. We are convinced that Angelenos are still enthusiastic about cinema’s great films, including those outside the normal repertory.

Night Vision @ MOCA
NIGHT VISION: MOCA After Dark presents 15 Saturdays of exciting programs including artmaking, screenings, groundbreaking DJs, live music, spoken word, guided tours, and a cash bar and light fare at Patinette Cafe during Robert Rauschenberg: Combines.

Swap Meet @ Betalevel
Swap Meet is a place for you to come with a special selection of your very most bestest, most favoritest music so you can trade it with other actual human people for the special music that you’ve always wanted but didn’t know existed. It’s like social software, but replacing “software” with “beer.” And then we sing!

The Martini Show - The Martini Glass as Art @ Altered Space Gallery
The exhibition includes 50 artists from the US and Canada, each recognized for excellence in their respective fields. Opening reception: June 24, 2006 from 6:30pm to 10:00pm. 1221 Abbot Kinney Blvd. Venice, CA 90291. 310.452.8121 Through Mon 7/24

SUNDAY

LA-Lit interviews Will Alexander @ Betalevel
Will Alexander is a poet and visual artist. Working from Los Angeles, he has updated the alchemy of surrealist vision (found in such poets as Aime Cesaire and Raymond Roussel) to write his own cosmic parables, in his own electric incandescent language.

Taste of the Nation
Share our Strength’s Taste of the Nation Los Angeles raises money for organizations working to end hunger in the area. It will take place at the beautiful and spacious Media Park (corner of Venice and Culver Blvd.) and feature spectacular food from some of the very best chefs in the community. Guests are treated to an astounding and delicious array of signature dishes that keep Los Angeles on the forefront of the world’s exciting culinary trends. In addition to showcasing cuisine from Los Angeles’ best restaurants, more than fifteen wineries and beverage purveyors pour samples of their premium vintages and cocktails.

Unshown Cinema: Inside the World of “The Films that Got Away” @ Hammer Museum
Of the over 2,000 movies produced annually, the average L.A. filmgoer has access to fewer than 400 titles. Hosted by film critic Robert Koehler (Daily Variety), this panel examines why distributors avoid releasing unconventional films.

Wassup Rockers @ American Apparrel Factory
Festivities will include live bands featured on the film’s soundtrack, Skateboarding competition (for cash prizes), DJ’s Benji Madden & Shepard Fairey, pro-skaters Chad Muska, Pancho Molar, Mike Chin & Danny Minnick in person, food, and giveaways from Boost Mobile, Etnies, Baker and others.

MONDAY

Your 8 Year Old Birthday Party @ El Cid
It’ll be the most magical night of your life. There’ll be games, prizes, pinatas, candy, cake and no cover! Ryan Flynn hosts and it’s all going down at El Cid in Silverlake. Don’t miss a brand new “Attack of the Birthday Boy” video.

WEDNESDAY

Crossing Borders: Latino Indiewood @ Hammer Museum
With a recent influx of films from south of the border, Hollywood has taken note of Latin American filmmakers for their strong points of view and their explorations of themes drawn from the Latin American experience. In this discussion, Latin American filmmakers examine how they have influenced American film and vice versa.

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The Truth About The Spotlight
By Annie - Friday June 23rd 2006

the spotlightThe Spotlight. It sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it. I Googled it. I love Googling. I do. I love their hybrid maps. I spent a good hour on the phone with my dad once showing him how to use the hybrid function to find his childhood apartment located on the wrong side of the tracks in Portland. We found it. It’s still on the wrong side of the tracks.

I found the address for The Spotlight and Google directed me the corner of Selma and Cahuenga. Wait. I think this is the corner in Hollywood that I love and fear at the same time. The corner where no matter what time of day, what kind of extreme weather Los Angeles can dish out, there will always be at least three men in shorts hugging the corner near the bar’s entrance, smokes between the thumb and finger, watching traffic and kibitzing.

Fingers crossed, I jumped in the car and raced to meet Ryan and Jeannette. I was late. Not a rare thing for me but the reason is slightly embarrassing. I was trying to decide on the perfect outfit to wear to a bar like The Spotlight. The bar I’ve been fascinated by for five years. A bar described to me as a dive/gay/sports/pickup/bar. I chose my outfit wisely and went simple.

As I stepped over the threshold of The Spotlight and gently pushed the blue velveteen drape aside, which appeared to be coated with some sort of icky film that no amount of soap could dissolve, I was surprised to see laid before my eyes a dive/gay/sports/pickup bar. Exactly how it was described.

Party America On Vine
hit this place so hard, I saw slight swelling and a bit of bruising. Not just soccer and baseball, but God Bless America chochkies hung from the ceiling and adorned the walls shoved neatly between every rainbow pride neon available on the market.

We walked straight, literally (lame joke) to the back and found the only empty table. It had a perfect view of the bar to the front of us, and access to the poolroom and bathrooms behind. Mr. Clean (not his real name) pounced upon us as soon as our fannies hit the cushioned vinyl church function chairs and took our drink orders. Four minutes later, beers in hand, Mr. Clean walked away with our generous tips spilling over the edge of his drink tray. That last part was to make us look like big tippers. Spilling is, admittedly, an exaggeration.

»continue reading The Truth About The Spotlight



Our city-streets: Where did the names origi-nate?
By Jeff Chiliburger - Friday June 23rd 2006

jeff chiliburgerOur city-streets, neighbours. I fly above. I take shit. Shit go down. People do-not like. But I take, anywa-y. I shit on streets daily. I shit on cars. Shit on people. Buildings. Schools. There is in fact no-thing I will not shit upon. We may never see eye-to-eye, you and I. Ever. My eye wee, at that. ‘Tis not important at end of day. We share city-streets.

Our city-streets: Where did the names origi-nate? Following be known facts as explained to Jeff Chiliburger long . . . long . . . long ago . . Brrrr-drrrr . . . . Drdrrrrdrrrrr. . .

Wil-shire Blvd
Jeff Wil-shire, youngest son of John Los Angeles, gunned steaming-train of eighty mules over peaceful tribe of indigenous Gabrielino Indians in 1679, simultaneously creating first major street, first public metro-politan trans-portation unit in (John) Los Angeles and, un-fortunately, first pedestrian fatality in (John) Los Angeles. All traffic problems begin and end with Jeff Wil-Shire. On ambitious and fruit-ful days I may take over four hundred shits along Wil-shire ‘twixt city-center and sea-land where pizza crumbs plentiful

Vermont
The fourteenth state of the union (“Vert-Mont”, green mountain) ’twere acquired in 1791. Young patriarch, Doug Vermont, was then dispatched to Great Yon West wherein swath of land was said to lie as part of same acqui-sition. He did then ride mighty pony fast, fast, a’crost yon plains. Upon arriving laid eyes on swath of land so vile (in his eye) whilst ’twas overheard whispering, “Ah. Fuck that” ‘afore surrendering land to Mexican farmer and post-haste acquiring newest-young-fast pony upon which wouldst cross greatland again, bound for mighty eastern home. Location of second pony shop: Vermont and Wil-shire

Western
Long straight row of native palm trees swayed for mile in unnatural bent, at unnatural height, with unnatural scent to be sure. Indigenous Gabrielinos believed edge of flat world to be mere feet beyond and as such dared not traverse west-ward be-yond nature’s demarcation line until 1811, when some hundred-dozen western wear facilities, without warning, began opening “up-and-down the line of death”

»continue reading Our city-streets: Where did the names origi-nate?



Long Awaited New Work Coming from Pynchon, Postal Service
By Victor - Thursday June 22nd 2006

Postal PynchonNews has leaked that not one, but two premier artists in their respective fields of pop music and literature, both with Los Angeles-area ties, have new work headed our way, perhaps as early as this Winter.

Ben Gibbard has told MTV that he and his partner, L.A.-based musician Jimmy Tamberello, together known as The Postal Service, have initiated the beginnings of their second LP, the long awaited follow up to 2003’s Give Up.

Meanwhile, Penguin Books has confirmed that Thomas Pynchon is putting the finishing touches on a new novel, due this December.

For Pynchon, who, lived in Manhattan Beach in the early 70’s, where he wrote much of his epic Gravity’s Rainbow (which includes a personal favorite passage about our freeways:

The Santa Monica Freeway is traditionally the scene of every form of automotive folly known to man. It is not white and well-bred like the San Diego, nor as trecherously engineered as the Pasadena, nor as ghetto-suicidal as the Harbor. No, one hesitates to say it, but the Santa Monica is a freeway for freaks, and they are all out today… [p. 882]),

the book marks the first follow up since his 1997 epic Mason & Dixon .

Oddly enough, Pynchon’s 1965 novel The Crying of Lot 49 actually deals heavily with the secret history and internal workings and symbology of (you guessed it) the U.S. postal service! Talk about a coinky-dink!

While we don’t know if Pynchon is a fan of the dancey poptronica stylings of The Postal Service, we do know that he is not adverse to penning the odd CD liner note, as he did for the defunct rock band Lotion back in the 90’s. So… Can you say synergy? You publicists should be paying me for these gems! Seriously–pay up, assholes.



Rosy Palms
By Pete - Wednesday June 21st 2006

Between March 2004 and April 2006, I lived in a cozy 1950s fourplex in western Palms, just up the street from Cafe Brasil. Life was good: I had my own garage, the rent was cheap, and I was never more than 30 minutes from USC, where I’m a grad student. I do miss the old nabe sometimes so let’s take a tour of ye olde stomping grounds.

coffee bean

Our journey begins at one of Palms’ landmarks. What’s so special about this boring-ass little Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf? Well, it was on TV. Ooh! Yes, this was the diner on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the show that allowed the nation’s geeks, dweebs, and spazzes the chance–if only for an hour a week–to imagine a world in which weirdos were actually good-looking. The sign for the Long’s and the TJ’s thankfully covers up the “JAMDAT” sign on the ugly 1980s office building in the background. Anyone who’s ever been stuck on the northbound 405–which, if I’m not mistaken, is at least 78% of the human race–should recognize it.

guelaguetza

The next stop is right across the parking lot. Guelaguetza is, dollar for dollar, probably the best restaurant on the Westside. The fact that it shares a building with a dry cleaner and a water store makes it that much more awesome. The Día de los Muertos paraphernalia on the walls is also a nice touch. Gustavo Arellano says that there’s a Oaxacan place in Orange County that blows Guelaguetza out of the water, but I refuse to believe him.

national and overland

Here’s Ryan’s favorite intersection! Notice how I deftly navigated to the correct lane continuing eastbound on National, rather than dumping myself onto the Santa Monica Freeway at 4 PM. »continue reading Rosy Palms



World Cup Overshadowed by LA’s adicup
By Ryder - Wednesday June 21st 2006

the mulletsIt has been said that victory in the World Cup is the highest honor known in football (or soccer to us Americans) and that the victors can lay claim to the title of best in the world. But with team USA’s reprehensible record of only one 3rd place ranking in 17 world cups it’s obvious that we’re the bottom feeders once again in this year’s tournament. So with no one to root on I pretty much lost interest in the 2006 games and, hell, soccer in general.

Perhaps if there were hopes that some underdog could fight their way out of their bracket, make it to the big game, win in penalty kicks and then celebrate by ripping off their shorts and falling to their knees in just jock straps and shin guards I’d be interested but till then my interest was gone. Gone until this weekend brought me back. This past Saturday marked the birth of a new generation of football in LA; the birth of adicup.

Adicup is a soccer tournament to cease all soccer tournaments and the only way I could rekindle my love of the game. Having success with a similar tournament on the East Coast Adidas decided to bring soccer back to LA. 16 teams consisting of 6 co-workers from companies around LA would be eligible to play. Not being one to turn down a challenge I decided to not only compete but to win.

So after a quick search of my company’s employee database I had the starting line up for Team Mullets. In goal would be Katie AKA The Enforcer, a former UCLA goalie who may have been a few years out of practice but she sure as hell wasn’t letting anything past her. On defense would be Tod AKA Sanchez and Reich AKA She Hate Me–they never played in a competitive league but that wasn’t about to stop them. On offense, Jesse AKA Badunkadonk. You can imagine his strengths. Brian AKA Brian was our ringer and only hope of real talent on the field. Rounding off the team was none other than me, Ryder AKA Easy Ryder or Femullet. I hadn’t kicked a soccer ball in ages but I sure as hell wasn’t about to let this ragtag group down. »continue reading World Cup Overshadowed by LA’s adicup



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