In Which Ryan Takes Pause to Partake of Mac and Cheese with Mac and Cheese Mair

Hello, my friend. Long time. Long time, indeed. It is good to see you here, at last, at Kate Mantilini. It is as it should be. You there, and I, here, and Dallas losing to Miami — Fuck. WHAT?

Fine. Go Shaq.

Begpardon. Ladies, I am a gentleman.

Mair: I only hope they have good Mac and Cheese here. Are you sure you weren’t all drunk when you ate it last time, and in your drunken drunkstate you just drunkenly thought it was good?

You know me all too well, former apprentice. Be that as it may, rest assured the Mac and Cheese is one to be partaken of and enjoyed. To be sure.

Mair: This is April. She’s my food photographer.

Charmed.

April: I didn’t bring my camera.

Charmed. I’ve a device of sorts. It should suffice.

So then ladies. Where were we. Ah yes. When last we met, you were graduating. No longer Mair the Intern. You had transmogrified into the online vessel She Who Is Called Mac and Cheese Mair. You were soon to become known throughout the city for your penchant for the cheese-laden noodle. You’ve received fan mail. Recipes. Offers of dishes to try. You’ve a fan base. Business cards. Some of your fans in fact wait with bated breath in order to immediately tell you how much they loathe the very mac and cheese you’ve only just reviewed. How does it feel. How does it feel, Mac and Cheese Mair?

Mair: What do you think of the corn chowder? Basically tastes like a can of creamed corn. Not so hot.

April: Yeah, not a big fan.

Day in, day out, you eat the macaroni, and you eat the cheese. You respond to fan mail, you eat more mac, and you eat more cheese. Day in, day out. How do you do it.

Mair: How’s the Hobo Steak? Meatloaf? Are those collared greens?

April: It’s ok. Not bad. How are the Sand Dabs?

Sand Dabs are Sand Dabs. Your basic whitefish. April. Friend of Mair. Talk to me now. Meal after meal, you take the photos for the articles that appear on the website under the guise of Mac and Cheese Mair. How do you do it? Day in. Day out. Macaroni and cheese. And again. Macaroni and cheese. And again.

Mair: I gotta hand it to you Ryan this is pretty good mac and cheese. But it still doesn’t beat Violet. I give it #2 best.

April: Yeah, it’s good.

Fucking Dallas. Nine years of my life I gave you and you cannot beat the awesomeness that is Shaquille O’Neal. Here I sit. I sup on cheese and macaroni, dabs of sand and steak of hobo, powerless to do anything about it. Fucking Mavericks. It hardens the heart, it does.

Kate Mantilini
9101 Wilshire
Beverly Hills
Also Someplace In Sherman Oaks Woodland Hellz

Coming Soon: Mair’s Version