Roller Derby Madlibs

derby dolls

Recently we sent a writer and a photographer to a Los Angeles Derby Dolls event to see what the hell was going on. A week-and-a-half later with no review in my inbox, it is now time to resort to that oldest of journalism hat tricks, Roller Derby Madlibs. For those of you who have never heard of Madlibs (not this Madlib), I pity you because it means you’ve probaby never driven a great distance in the back seat of a steamy car in the 1970s. Be that as it may, Madlibs is a word game. You’re given a largely completed story, but there are a few missing words indicated by “blank lines.” Each line gets its own set of brief, quasi-vague instructions. The object is to turn to the person next to you to fill in the blanks. “Give me a noun. Now give me a verb. Now an adverb. Ah fuck. Shit. Sorry I meant adjective. Ok now a plural noun. Now a body part…” Ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Once all of the blanks are filled, your story is complete. You read the story out loud. Occasionally, hilarity ensues.

For the story below, our Losanjealous Derby Dolls photographer [Kdrive] filled in the blanks for me, completely out of context. The words he supplied are in bold italics. Here we go:

derby dolls

Shazam! Walking through L’il Tokyo towards the venue I felt a palpable dojo. Anticipation boiled feverish. I craved three knee pads.

Shazam, Goddam! Showtime. As I entered the arena, my phalanges were scratched. The lights began to whip as we moshed to a soundtrack of Go Betty Go. Then they were off. The Fabulous and Terrifying Derby Dolls! They were itemizing, authorizing and incredibly delicious all the while. One of the Dolls – I believe it was Thora Zeen – or was it Militia EtheridgeParis Kilton?…no matter, whoever she was, she stopped short and began to witness, pledge, taste and pick another girl. All the while I was eating a chicken on the sidelines. He’s a development coordinator! Popping! Goddam Shazam! I couldn’t take my vertical taco off of Apolyptica. And then WHOOOSH—– who could forget Candy Striker!?

Shazam Goddam, Goddam Damn Shazam-VanDamme!

All told, watching this spectacle was 200x better than sitting at home watching Scooby Doo. (I don’t know fuck.)

derby dolls

derby dolls

derby dolls

The 2006 Derby Dolls Season Championships are fast approaching:
November 4, 8pm, Little Tokyo Shopping Center
Tickets are now on sale. Don’t miss out.
Details and ticket info