Your Opinion Still Matters!

bill demarcoSlow down!!! We have to catch our breath!!!

We asked you, citizens of Losanjealous, how you felt about Bill DeMarco. . .and you responded.

Boy did you ever!

Our team of researchers at Enterprise Square (Wait, what?–Ed.) have been furiously tallying your answers. . .but they’re a little overwhelmed! We knew that Bill DeMarco was a smash hit that crossed income brackets. . .

people_atcomputer.jpg. . .but nothing could have prepared us for your responses! Did we mention your responses? They were titanic! The amount that is! You’re not going to believe what we learned about you. . .and about Bill. (Memo to Brooks Brothers: order extra inseam stitching!)

There’s only one problem: we still don’t know where in the world Bill DeMarco is! That’s where you come in. . .just kidding. We know where he is. Just kidding. We don’t care where he is!


Before Bill was sucked into space, he gave us “eyes only” clearance to enter his vault and show you, the readers of Losanjealous, glimpses of some of the stuff he was working on before he disappeared/died/got fired/is hiding.

Wait a second. . .did you say “From the Vaults of Bill DeMarco???


What kind of stuff?

Screenplays, acrostics, haiku, you name it. Don’t believe us? Try this on for size. . .



KEIKO WASHINGTON has it all: good grades, popularity, pretty. But as she grows older she begins to have questions about her past. Questions about her JAPANESE MOTHER who she has never known.


GRANDMA WASHINGTON is cooking up a storm in the kitchen preparing for her grand-daughter’s 16th birthday. PARTY FAVORS adorn the house like the tendrils of a Banyan tree. KEIKO WASHINGTON is in the living room. She glides her fingers over a framed photo of SAYURI, her JAPANESE MOTHER who died when KEIKO was a BABY.


Grandma. . .What was my mother like?

She died when I was young and. . .


I barely knew her.


Child, this meal I am cooking you is the bomb!

I do not have time to be answerin’ no

what’s this? what’s that?


Sorry. . .

[puts picture back on mantle]


[seeing she has hurt KEIKO’s feelings]

Come here baby. . .look at grandma.

[grows serious]

Your mother had a gift.

[Pause. KEIKO looks up at GRANDMA]

The gift of Geisha.

[Honking is heard outside. Five boys drive up in a dropped Cadillac El Dorado, blasting Snoop. At the wheel is TROY HECTOR, their leader. Calm, cool, wise beyond his 19 years.]


[yelling over din]

Keiko! Whassup! It’s time to bounce to the roller rink!


[runs to front door]

I’m sorry Troy. . .I changed my mind!

[This is met with snickering and headshaking inside car.]


But I thought you was down!


I am down. . .


But I’m also a Geisha.

[TROY’s friends break out in chorus of “aw damns!” and “you got served!”s.
CUT TO–GRANDMA looking on with a knowing smile. . .]


Interested? We thought so.

Okay, okay. That was good. But how did Bill have time to rate Starbucks’s and complete what must have been a lot of great other projects?

Only his chiropractor knows for sure. But if you’re interested in seeing more stuff like this, or other stuff while Bill is on hiatus, let us know and we’ll be sure to let him know and he can space-fax something to our secretaries at Enterprise Square (again with that, stop that–Ed.)

knocker.jpgAs a bonus, the fifth person to write in and correctly guess Bill’s middle name will be eligible to win our prestigious Jealous Prize. The Losanjealous Mint has forged only 75 of these gorgeous handcrafted statuettes so once they’re gone, they’re gone. Write in and win a piece of history tonight!

Bill would have wanted it that way.

We mean does want.