Too busy to list your own items on eBay? Then you definitely don’t have time to deal with an eBay reseller. Let Losanjealous sell your items through a third, fourth or fifth party service. Don’t delay, see for yourself why Losanjealous IS SELLING It on eBay!

	iSOLD It on eBay	We’ll SELL It on eBay	Losanjealous IS SELLING It on eBay
Uninspired Logo
Verb Tense	Past	Future Indicative	Present Progressive
LA Locations	3	2	Inaugural store groundbreaking ceremony Q2′07
Numerical explanation of how it works	It’s as easy as 1-2-3	It’s as simple as 1, 2, 3	YAY! JELL-O 1-2-3!
Amount you keep if item sells for $100	$57.75	$57.73	$5.77
Negative eBay Feedback Last 12 Months	56	47	ZERO!
# of items at press time	357	167	Operators are standing by

INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE END OF JANUARY PUZZLE

• Decipher the first 18 words below. E.g., if the clue is “LA Blogfather (8 letters)” you might eventually guess the word to be RODERICK. You would then attempt to find RODERICK in the puzzle.
• Find all 26 words before anybody else. Words may be horizontal, vertical, diagonal, but never, ever backwards.
• Contact me for your special prize. You will be asked to submit a completed puzzle.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a comprehensive staff directory.
»continue reading The End of January Puzzle

Costco Warehouse No. 479 is located on 13463 Washington Blvd., Lat: 33.99116 (N 33°59.470′) (N 33°59′28.2″) (WGS 84 datum) Lon:-118.44612 (W118°26.767′) (W118°26′46.0″). It boasts a large paddle inductive and Avcon conductive EV charging station three sizes too small to accommodate the West Side Prius population, and has a large fossil fuel pump station for members (ten cents off per gallon). You can find parking by driving into oncoming flows of traffic and honking (like a jerk, if possible).

Enjoy a delicious hot dog, polish sausage, chicken Caesar or slice of pizza before you ever become a member. And once you become a member, go inside or just loiter among the shopping carts. The secret? Options.

Costco Culver City is large and inviting, too large to be appreciated by anyone or anything. Like the girls at Spearmint Rhino, the high shelves clamor for your dollars by dancing and wriggling on poles set above the promenade. Behold, jewels and history books, three pound bags of Doritos, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. It’s all for the taking. One minute you’re hanging nose-to-nose with a pair of socks, and the next, there’s some dude jumping out at you with a toothpick of jalapeno sausage. I told you it was different. COSTCO BURBANK? Sausage guy sucked.

Now if you’re daring, here’s something you can do. Make your way cautiously past the entrance hucksters and their digital camera devices, avoiding eye contact at all times, to the appliances. You’ll catch yourself muttering, “If only I had that 50 inch Sony HDTV, I’d use it for a computer monitor!” Try it. If you run quickly into the mirror aisle, you can watch yourself subvocalize this statement before the buzz wears off.

Eventually, you will pour into a bigger defragmented retail-run-together chamber that defies analysis.

The COSTCO CULVER CITY security personnel traverse the parking lot in golf carts and are very friendly and well-traveled. I once offered my spare cigar to a cue ball headed SECURITAS worker and he gave me a hand-rolled Perdomo of chocolate-flavored tobacco grown in Nicaragua, which he produced from his security jacket. True!

PARTING GLANCE: Costco Culver City shepherds Hollywood Video, Subway, and Starbucks No. 665 like a big ram protecting its ewes.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: a stern look or impassive wave of the hand may fool the doorman, but you need at least a Gold Member Card to buy anything.

Whelp. That’s Costco Culver City. See it from space. OO

The delirium experienced in 100-degree-plus weather in the desert is pithy compared to the delirium I experienced when I read about this year’s Coachella lineup. Shedding their traditional “mecca-of-emo-rock-punk-rap-indie-alt-reggae-tools-that’s-only-a-little- temperately-cooler-than-burning-man,” Coachella organizers have done something truly original—they’ve brought it back, old school. I can’t think of any other way to share my excitement, and contain my excrement, than to just lay it all out on the line. Prepare to be blown away.
»continue reading One Coachelluva Lineup!

»continue reading Robbers On High Street @ Echo, 1/27/07

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our top picks.

PICK OF THE WEEK: Peter, Bjorn and John @ The Roxy

In the tradition of Sam and Dave, Peter, Paul and Mary, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and Simon and Garfunkel, Peter, Björn, and John buck the trend of fancypants band monickers and simply name themselves after themselves. Somehow being more egotistical feels less so. Morén, Yttling, and Eriksson Thursday at The Roxy.

THIS WEEK’S TICKET GIVEAWAYS

AMPOP w/ AUTODRONE @ Cinespace Tuesday, January 30 Contest entry has ended. Winners will be notified shortly. Please include your full name when entering contests

HEADS UP

Paul Oakenfold @ Knitting Factory Tue 2/6
Helio Sequence, Dirty on Purpose @ The Echo Tue 3/20
Ratatat @ Henry Fonda Mon 4/2
Sounds Eclectic Evening 6 @ Gibson Amphitheatre (Shins, Lily Allen, Cold War Kids, Rodrigo y Gabriela & more) Sat 4/14

MONDAY
Brian Wilson @ Malibu Performing Arts Center (performing Pet Sounds)
Broken West @ Spaceland (free)
Lou Barlow @ Safari Sam’s
Pennywise, Circle Jerks @ House of Blues
Submarines @ The Echo (free)
»continue reading Losanjealous Concert Picks: January 29 – February 4

What the fuck is this shit?

Each week, the New Yorker provides a cartoon in need of a caption. Each week, Losanjealous submits the same entry. We have yet to win the contest. Feel free to comment with your own losing entries.

As part of the great lead-up to Project Pico (thanks for your feedback — keep it coming), we now present an oft-overlooked section of the Boulevard of Pico Dreams…

The Naked People Store District™ is situated a few short blocks east of Figueroa and the LA Convention Center. The shops in this district offer up all manner of mannequins – male and female alike – in all manner of sizes, shapes, and colors. Need a transparent child holding his arm aloft? Done. Need a complete set of ebony carolers? Done! Offended by the sight of mannequins in their birthday suits? Rest easy, prude: All wares in all shops are thoughtfully and tastefully arranged ass-out to the public at large.

O Collins Star
O Star:
O Star Of Collins

He’s A Lonely Man, There, On The Corner.
You Know, I Wish It Would Rain Down.

The Losanjealous Benevolent Society gathers a weekly list of strange happenings and fun events in LA–the more ridiculous, the better. Visit our events calendar for the full list. And if you’re organizing or know of an event you think belongs on the list, send us info at tips@losanjealous.com.

FRIDAY

22nd Annual Los Angeles Fine Print Fair
Twenty-five exhibitors will come together to exhibit and offer for sale inventories comprising five centuries of fine prints ranging from Old Master and Japanese to Modern and Contemporary, from Rembrandt and Hiroshige to Picasso and Johns. Through Sun 1/28.

Crime Bus to Las Vegas Atomic Frolic
The Crime Bus departs for a unique journey into the high weirdness of the high desert, with architectural oddities, curated on-bus entertainment including cool tunes, vintage films and games, a retro meal stop, and the debut of the Route 66 Crime Bus tour. Through Sun 1/28.

»continue reading Losanjealous Benevolent Society Events: Jan 26 – Feb 1

I wasn’t thrilled with Tuesday’s book signing of Catching the Big Fish at the Borders, two blocks south of Wilshire on the southeast corner of Westwood and Rochester. Parking under the store was not available and hunting for safe parking harbors is a foul peeve. (Not that I mind a walk through Blue Velvet territory just east of the store. Walk Glendon Avenue south of Wilshire and you’ll see what I mean.) Frankly, the signing wasn’t weird enough. Borders wasn’t the de facto Black Lodge because he was in residence. And I thought the whole experience would be much more like being in a film with one of his characters. Lynch had no time for detailed questions about his films. I had such a weighty urge for a one-on-one with him that getting his cursory autograph in was all that prevented me from screaming, “Don’t talk to me about meditation! What the fuck is the significance of the Boy in the Mask! Look, if you do well, you will see me two more times, but if you don’t answer my questions, you will see me three more times.” And then I’m seen out the store window inconspicuously two or three more times, depending.

The event was on the second level in the record store. Some poor parakeet in a cage squawked that tickets were sold out, tickets were sold out. Eh — who knew there were tickets. In the far corner of Borders, a small stage and podium (sans Bob, dwarf) was dressed at the rear of the record section where Rufus Wainwright had performed a few years ago. I’d say about five hundred people squeezed in for a glimpse, a backwards-forming shockwave of soft, hopeful misanthropes ringed out past the Country Music section to the distant bin where Combustible Edison performed in a radiator.

Yes, smart misanthropes — folks in their twenties and thirties looking to channel their inner John Merrick.

After reading aloud the introduction to Catching the Big Fish, a kind of allegory for fishing the deeper waters of the Self for better ideas by using the transcendental technique, Lynch opened the room up for questions. Most of them went exactly like this: “Hello Mr. Lynch. I like to go to book stores and ask questions, and I was just wondering…” But then a woman asked him to talk about 9/11, to which he said a flat and resounding “No.” Someone else asked him what current movies he plans to see, which mutated into, “Are you planning to see every movie that comes out?”, to which he said a flat and resounding “No.” Folks then petitioned for his ideas on creativity, meditation, casting, lighting, eating, and breathing. And he was very kind, and answered every single one like a true gentlemen.

Then he signed books. I had hoped my 2006 receipt could be used as a bookmark to pole-position past lummoxes, so I could get to him while he was fresh. The idea came to me in the form of a lie told by a staff member at Borders.

I end this writing in the embrace of a woman with puffy cheeks who represents death.

The Shins played a free daytime show today. It was pretty good. They played some new songs and some old songs. About 50% new and 50% old. I never really thought about what a strange name for a band “Shins” is until today.

This guy’s TXT says “I am watching Shins.” That is accurate.

The show was sponsored by some radio station. I can’t remember which one.
»continue reading Shins @ Troubadour, 1/25/07, 12 p.m.

Karaoke song book titles: 37,000
Cost per fried shrimp basket: $5
Drinks included with $5.75 Sunday breakfast: 1
Porn Star stars spotted: 0
Baseball caps spotted: 27
Grand Funk Railroad songs spotted: 2
Guy/Girl ratio: 7:1

‘Cause there’s music in the air
and T.T. Boy is over there
so gimme the night. Gimme the night.

Sardo’s
259 N Pass Ave
Burbank, CA 91505
(818) 846-8126

LOS ANGELES (Losanjealous) ::: Seething at the latest Sterling Eyesore™ featured so prominently in the LA Times? Take heart, Anjealeno: Marc Grobman has introduced a grassroots campaign aimed at the beautification of Donald Sterling’s unsightly real estate landmines:

Donald T. Sterling is a multi-billion dollar real estate mogul and the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers. He is an extremely wealthy man who controls large swaths of Los Angeles and, perhaps, does not know how his smallest decisions affect millions of people. I call on your support to help right an ongoing atrocity.

The Donald T. Sterling Corporation purchases millions of dollars worth of full-page ads in the Los Angeles Times. These ads appear throughout the publication and can pop-up anywhere unexpectedly.

Here’s the problem: The ads don’t follow even the most basic principles of graphic design. They blend a hodgepodge of un-related type-faces. The margins are reduced to an 1/8 of an inch, surrounded by clunky borders. The width of the type is stretched and squeezed to fit. The space is cluttered with very large type, leaving no room for the eye to rest and making it hard to read or scan the page. Basically, the ads are painful to see.

We urge you: For the sake of all things decent about fontography, picas and points, read the Foundation’s Mission Statement and lend what you can to the cause today. Fight the good fight.

Over the last 45 years I’ve slowly been amassing my knowledge of Pico Boulevard. At present I am at a rank of Pico Mage. Believe me when I say that I aspire to one day become Master of Pico. Could you please answer the following brief questionnaire, either via comment section or to project-pico -at- losanjealous.com:

1) What is your favorite establishment on Pico Blvd?
2) How often do you find yourself driving on Pico – Daily? More than once Daily? Weekly? Hourly? Etc (Bus Drivers: Please indicate you are a bus driver in some fashion for follow-ups)
3) What is your favorite time of day to say the word, ‘Pico’ ?
4) Would you like to be contacted and/or quoted regarding topical Pico Blvd information, products and services?

WEST SIDE (Losanjealous) ::: Area residents seethed Tuesday morning as traffic slowed to a crawl on Mayor Villaraigosa’s 54th Birthday. Born Antonio Ramon Villar, Jr. on January 23, 1953, the first Latino mayor of Los Angeles since Cristobal Aguilar in 1872 will celebrate his entry into the world by attending the State of the Union speech in Washington.

Above: Westside residents enjoy an increase in traffic thanks in no small part to the birth of Antonio Ramon Villar, Jr. (the first Latino mayor of Los Angeles since Cristobal Aguilar in 1872) on January 23, 1953.

I went to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade to check out a show last Saturday with some friends. Take note:

1) UCB’s a great theatre and good fun. I give UCB the thumbs up.

2) UCB veteran Paul Scheer is funny. I saw him at the UCB New York a few years ago. I give Paul Scheer the thumbs up, even when he’s hidden behind a Vader mask and his voice is muffled. However…

3) The 10pm Darth and Kevin Vader Show was not too hot. I give Darth and Kevin the thumbs down. A few laughs but largely vapid. I shan’t dwell on it, but I was promised the following:

Los Angeles, CA-January 4, 2007- You are Invited to a Live Taping of the Darth Vader Talk Show! Everyone from Endor to Outer Gungan Knows that there is only one Dark Ruler of Late Night TV, Darth Vader. Join Darth and Kevin Vader (His younger 1/2 brother) for a special episode of their interplanetary award winning nightly talk show celebrating Star Wars. As always they are joined by the Mos Eisely Cantina Band and perform the show under the watchful and sarcastic eye of Emperor Palpatine. Guests include: George Lucas, Jar Jar Binks, John Williams, Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca), The Director of The Star Wars Holiday Special, the Architects of the Death Star , and many more… Plus: Stupid Jedi Tricks and a Erotic Star Wars Fan Fiction, More Deleted Scenes, and a Film from Sean Conroy

Time out. With hindsight and an editor’s pen that last bit should actually read as follows:
»continue reading Saturday Riffs on Vader, Lando, Collins

A few words from the Artist Statement provided by exhibited artist Sharon Ben-Tal:

My work investigates ideas, repetition, gesture, and the physicality of imprint. My process is characterized by much research, labor-intensive experimentation and consideration.

As I wandered around the small Culver City-adjacent gallery housing Ms. Ben-Tal’s work on Friday night, it occurred to me that my work too investigates ideas of repetition and gesture. As in I repeat myself while gesturing at things. And hell yeah I love to investigate ideas. But I’m not going to charge people $5,000 a piece for it. Maybe that’s my problem.

Ms. Ben-Tal continues:

With this newest body of work I have chosen to diverge from a single theme and instead allow wonder, metaphor, and play to tickle the spirit of my curiosity.

»continue reading Bandini Art Gallery Opening: “Black Tie Informal”

Discuss.

Visit our concert calendar for a full show list, links to buy tickets and our top picks.

PICK OF THE WEEK: “The Solutionists” @ Spaceland

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jazz Jury, before you reach your verdict ask yourself these questions. Who the hell are “The Solutionists”? And why are online tickets sold out for their Wednesday Spaceland show? And why is their name listed in quotes on the Spaceland calendar?

Consider these facts:
1) Perry Farrell’s new band, Satellite Party, claims to tell a story through a collaborative brain trust of artists, musicians and environmentalists called “The Solutionists”, who seek to redesign and come up with solutions for the world.
2) Satellite Party collaborators include Flea, New Order/Joy Division bassist Peter Hook, Thievery Corporation, Black Eyed Pea’s Fergie, and the ghost of Jim Morrison.
3) Based on these facts there should be no doubt that “The Solutionists” is in fact Satellite Party.

Your honor, the defense rests.

THIS WEEK’S TICKET GIVEAWAYS

BLACK LIPS [listen] @ Spaceland Saturday, January 27 Contest has closed.

OF MONTREAL [listen] @ Avalon Hollywood Saturday, January 27 Contest has closed.

ROBBERS ON HIGH STREET [listen] @ The Echo Saturday, January 27 Contest has closed.

*Please include your full name when entering contests*

HEADS UP

RAGE AGAINST THE MOTHERFUCKING MACHINE @ Coachella 07
(also Red Hot Chili Peppers and Björk–whatev)
Shins @ Amoeba (free) Fri 1/26
Lily Allen @ Henry Fonda Mon 2/5
Stellastarr* @ Safari Sam’s Tue 2/6
Annuals @ Spaceland Sat 3/3
Digweed, MSTRKRFT @ The Vanguard Sat 3/3
The Sword @ Troubadour Mon 3/12
Tragically Hip @ El Rey Sat 3/24
Muse @ The Forum Tue 4/10

MONDAY
Broken West @ Spaceland (free)
Gliss @ Viper Room
Sarah Silverman @ Largo
Submarines @ The Echo (free)
»continue reading Losanjealous Concert Picks: January 22 – 28