Ducati 1098 in the Hizz!

[Editor's Note: at Losanjealous we take your comments seriously. You wanted more coverage of corporate-sponsored events. And we heard you.

Starry comes to us with a great résumé, having written for a wide range of hip magazines and blogs including Vogue Falkland Islands and Teen Seventeen. She knows the biz backwards and forwards--but "mostly backwards" as she puts it.

So without further ado. . .heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Starry.]

HEY BITCHEZ! HA HA HA!

About me: Starry doesn’t party. Starry events. And for Starry to show up at your event it has to be two things: 1) off the hook and 2) on the house. When Losanjealous called me up I must admit I was a little hung-over (if there were ever two words to describe Starry it’s “hung” and “over”) but once they showed me their bulging inbox I knew I had come to the right place!!!

Exhibit A:

YOU’RE INVITED!!!
Official Ducati 1098 Hollywood Premiere!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Mood, 6623 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood CA
8PM-2AM Join us this Wednesday, February 7, 2007 for the Official Ducati 1098 Hollywood Premiere hosted by model/WWE’s Trish Stratus, actor/model Antonio Sabato Jr., & Celebrity friends!

Hosted Peroni bar till 9pm. Gift bags by Ducati & Peroni. Music by DJ Crash, Playboy Mansion Resident DJ!

First of all, Starry sez maddest propers to Dina from Lush Entertainment. This event was so far off the hook that it was hanging on another hook. . .ignoring all the jackets! But I’m getting ahead of myself ;]. Let me back up. I mean ;] again.

So I check the group e-mail invite from Deens at Lush. Times Roman. Classy. Someones must luv STARry. Good sign. Then I check the hooch situation. Complimentary Italian beer until 9pm. I love getting a vaguely bitter taste in my mouth for free [redacted punctuation marks and emoticons].

Now to check the jest list. Oh my heavens: Sabs-J [Antonio Sabato Jr.--Ed.] and Trish Stratus [?--Ed.]!!! My Starry-sense is already tingling! What else is goin’ on? The Ducati Company is proud to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. F*** the riff-raff let’s dance!

K,we’re here. There are some things you need to know about a successful event. For instance, all food is eaten off couches. Actually all food is placed on couches and left uneaten. You should be sitting on one couch and your food should be sitting on another couch. You should be pretending not to notice each other. You should look like you want to go to sleep and your food should look like it wants to dance. Starry saw a wasabi burrito with a bite in it and she wanted to slap someone. Never put anything on a table except an open umbrella. Starryz roolz!

Back to the ac5ion. Your Starryness went on the hunt for a certain tall drink of sambuca named Sabs-J but alas he was in a corner booth surrounded by douchebags and women. 5igh. So she went back on the dancefloor and did some more judging. Mood is good. Good details. I like the wall that looks like a bunch of vertically pierced wooden rotisserie chickens but they’re not, they’re Buddhas. Also good was the covered motorcycle on the dance floor but Starry wishes someone got on it backwards and made a peace sign while being photographed with a Blackberry. Sigh. Looped footage of motorcycle chase from Matrix Revolution:B++!

[Wrap it up.--Ed.] Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn! Starry needless to say is worn out from a night of hardcore partying that was free until 9pm brought to you by the Ducati Corporation, makers of the 1098 Superbike which immediately strikes you with its purposeful, no-nonsense attitude. Just like Starry Knightz. But she sure had a blast and wanted it to be known that in no way would she turn down any offer from but not limited to the Lush, Mood, or Ducati entities for attendance at future promotional functions in perpetuity.

Starry sez good knightz!