Sweet Dreams: Wax On, Wax Off
Above: Re-enactment soundstage. Professional actors. This is not ’Samosa Mel’
When my mother found out I had finally taken the plunge and waxed my underarms and legs, her first question was, “Who did you go to?” When I told her I’d gone to the lady that works in the back of my local nail parlor, she was less than approving. The leg hairs ARE going a bit unevenly, but I’ve heard this is to be expected. When the conversation moved to bikini waxing, she told me that there is only one place in town to go: Sylvia at Sweet Dreams on Ventura Blvd. According to her, it’s the best â€˜Brazilian’ in town.
I have avoided waxing this particular area for a few reasons. First of all, it’s a sensitive area. Slathering wax on one’s outer labia and yanking out all the hair doesn’t sound like a good time. Secondly, I don’t care for the look of a waxed crotch–it sort of creeps me out. Aesthetically, I am a strong supporter of the “70’s bush”.
There is one reason for waxing that I find rather compellingâ€¦hygiene. I’ve been told that the â€˜Brazilian’–removing ALL the hair from â€˜down there’– leaves you feeling unbelievably clean. Now, I am a bit of a clean freak and I’m a sucker for any product that claims to freshen my linens, kill germs anywhere and everywhere, remove odors from my carpet or pull pollution from my pores. Keeping a tidy snatch seems logical enough.
I call to make an appointment with Sylvia, feeling very brave. I explain to her my reasons for wanting to go with the full â€˜Brazilian’ but that I really didn’t want to be completely bald or worse, rock a â€˜landing strip’ She was very understanding and explained that we could easily wax everything underneath and keep the front looking natural. Perfect!
The morning of my appointment, I feel suddenly neurotic about my cooch. Comparing the experience to a gynecological check up isn’t working. Steeling my nerves, I march into Sweet Dreams, a house-turned-beauty salon.
It’s actually pretty cozy inside, but I am still too nervous to appreciate it. Slyvia walks down the stairs with what appears to be a satisfied customer. She smiles at me and invites me upstairs. I suddenly have to pee. “Just go, you sissy!” I think, and follow this pleasant woman up the curved staircase. She can tell I am a bit jittery. “Don’t worry,” she assures me, “I’ve been doing this for 21 years”
Once we are in her room, she asks me remove my pants and lie down. I stiffly oblige.
“So,” she asks as she spreads the warm, gooey wax along my bikini line, “how’s your mom? I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“Oh, uhâ€¦.she’s fine. She lives in–“ Sylvia pulls the first strip. It stings, but is not nearly as painful as a leg wax. I tell her so. “I agree. Legs are really sensitive!” She continues to pull out my hair and we resume chatting about my mother. I know I’ve reached a new level of absurdity when I find myself describing my mother’s new house as wax is smeared across my anus. Sylvia makes me feel as though this is all perfectly normal and is finished much faster than I had expected. She trims up a few unruly hairs from the patch she’s left in the front.
“What do you think?” she asks. The areas she’s waxed glow an angry red and there is a substantial tuft to keep me feeling as though I’ve still got a bush. It feels soâ€¦clean. It’s exactly what I wanted and I tell her so. She leads me downstairs to pay $30 and tells me to come back when my leg hair has evened out.
So there you have it: If you are in the market for a quick and professional wax with minimal pain, call Sylvia. Be sure to tell her my mom says, “Hello”.
13528 Ventura Blvd
Sherman Oaks, CA