Signs You’re In Los Angeles

Los Angeles is a melting pot, so it’s no surprise that there are foreign-owned small businesses whose storefront signs are sometimes lost in translation.

There’re also the businesses that disregard conventional rules of advertising and make up their own.

Then there are businesses with storefronts that are so out there, you can’t even speculate on what the fuck they were thinking.

My best guess? It’s an all-age dance club where the bouncer won’t let you in unless you’re dressed as a deranged serial killer. That’s a real shitty guess. So I have no clue.

I’ve been searching for the best Chinese food in LA since I got here. I’ve also been shopping for a wedding cake. This was the best day of my life.

I was about to go in there and ask them if they could teach me self-control so I can kick smoking, but then I remembered that these guys know kickboxing, and I will probably get punched in the eye for making fun.

Scarface is everywhere these days: video games, t-shirts, posters, album covers, the list goes on. But a hair salon? Tony will put his name on just about anything to make a buck. Fucking sellout.

This store just said “Fuck it” and painted everything they sell on their outside wall. Like if you don’t see what you want on the mural, then don’t bother coming in.

I don’t know either. They sell more Catholic statues of saints than flowers. The owner came out looking all pissed and asked what I was doing. I played it cool and told him the truth. I introduced myself and put my hand out to shake, but he walked back in his store. I took a couple more shots then bounced because I had this image in my head that the guy would come out with a switchblade at any second.

They’re supposed to put Massage in quotations, not Thai. That way, you can subtly tell your customers that they’re going to get a happy ending without having the cops get wise.

This place is no longer there. LA sheds a tear.

If anyone knows where all these are, you win my respect.