Stone Temple Pilots To Play Casino Morongo (Sans Dice)

HEADS UP
Stone Temple Pilots @ Casino Morongo (Outdoor Pavilion) Wed Sep 10

Regular and VIP tickets both now on sale. Remember: You don’t need actual dice in the craps pit to have a good time.

Stone Temple Pilots, possibly our favorite Weiland-inclusive band to watch and discuss, will stake a claim at the desert-defying- albeit-sadly-dice-barren Casino Morongo in a manner of weeks. I spent an entire evening loosely themed around nuptials out at Morongo in late spring of this year, so I have a couple of FYIs to get the ball rolling if you’ve never made the short trek to mini-Vegas in the Coachella valley. Consider it a Morongo primer, then, for those that have not been:

1. No dice in the craps pit. They use a deck of cards.
2. Wonky liquor laws make for wonky liquor policies between the hotel and the casino floor. If you remove a beer from your weighted en-suite fridge and take it to the floor, expect weird stares from security. One security member might actually go to the trouble to chastize you before eventually allowing you to pour your contraband into a sippy-cup suitable for smuggling tableside.
3. Wide selection of pools outside.
4. Perfectly-chilled cucumber water in the spa.
5. Bowling alley.
6. Giant unflushed deuce dropped in toilet while you were not looking (could have been my room only; not sure)
7. Based on visual confirmation the outdoor pavilion appears to have some sort of Fauxchella tent motif working for it. Unfortunately, though, I can’t give you any personal anecdotes regarding the live venue’s strengths and weaknesses. The evening I spent at Morongo, Great White were playing for $10; my party having determined it to be the most dangerous cover imaginable as such went on to over-consume for hours in the top floor glass-encased “club”, busting awkward snake-themed dance moves while overlooking an actual snake of cars on I-10. If you arrive at this aforementioned top floor “club” early, prepare for an astoundingly-long-looking wait should you leave and wish to return later. Also: tuck in your shirt, slob.
8. Breakfast: You’re not going to be impressed. Might try the Wagon Wheel just one mile east at Cabazon (home to the creationist dinosaurs to boot).

Most importantly, always remember that just because you headlined the Hollywood Bowl a couple months back, nothing in your contract explicity forbids you from milking this reunion for all its worth and returning for a slow meander through the fertile, golden strait that is the Inland Empire casino circuit. Buy your tickets today and lay your claim to building Stone Temple Pilots’ September 10 online set at their official site. Closing: Victor has requested a chart trending the rise in the legitimacy of casino bookings moving directly opposite the trend of the legitimacy of STP. Can someone flesh this one out over lunch? Should look like a big “X”.

Velvet Revolver @ Wiltern by Brian