Dear Citizens of Losanjealous,

DF, acting on the advice of counsel as well as threats of some fairly serious physical violence from LaVerne Casagrande, would herein like to publicly correct some misstatements (rather, “egregious falsehoods”—ed.) that he has been spreading throughout Losanjealous regarding this weekend’s upcoming Derby Dolls bout.

First, DF will not, despite earlier representations to the contrary, be attending aforementioned bout in the company of his hot new ladyfriend, Nadya “Octo-Mom” Suleman. Second, aforementioned “Octo-Mom” is not, also despite earlier representations to the contrary (and contrary also to the implications of the sentence immediately preceding), DF’s hot new ladyfriend. Third, and finally, DF’s assertions that Nadya Suleman will be skating in this weekend’s Derby Dolls bout under the skate name “Octopussy” were also, as it happens, entirely without factual support.

In my defense, I’d like to add that not everything I’ve been saying is false. First, DF really is suffering from a virtually incapacitating crush on the aforementioned celebro-freak flavor of the month (obv.—ed.). It is also true that there is going to be a ripping good roller derby bout this weekend, featuring the regular-season debut of not one but two teams, LA’s Varsity Brawlers and San Diego’s The Swarm. Tix were still available online as of writing, and you can check out a detailed preview starring SD’s Isabelle Ringer and LA’s Juana Beat’n here.

Yours in copious apologia,

DF

Novel Cafe on Ocean Park: Under $10 AND a great cafe office.

I have seen many Novel Cafes around town. The one I’m talking about is on Ocean Park in Santa Monica. It’s a splendid place to get work done for many reasons:

• you can get a nice meal for under $10
• the staff takes care of you, and doesn’t give you a hard time if you stay there a while
• there are outlets every few feet.
• There is a cushioned banquette so your bum doesn’t get sore.
• Outside seating means regular lunch people still have a place to sit.
• Wifi signal is very good.
• Cooking smells stay in the kitchen.
• The food is good.
• Loads of free parking!

Food
Enjoy tasty breakfast and lunch at the Novel Cafe. They have the usual breakfast fare, and it’s all quite satisfying. While the menu may sound middle-of-the-road, believe me, you are in for a rollercoaster, because the preparation varies from day to day – in a good way. I love this. I love it because it means that they are making it fresh. If stuff tastes the same every time you go out, it might be because it’s from a can. Now, if you’re paying $5 or more for someone else to open a can for you, you are a chump. Or it might mean that you are frequenting a place owned by a corporation. How good does that feel? Not very good. It reminds one of hog farms, and feed lots. Yuk.

If the food is variable, it may also mean the cook is emotional; but an emotional cook is the spice of life.

I always get the Novel Rancheros. Last week the Novel Rancheros was darned spicy. Today it was mild. I feel very close to the cook.

»continue reading Under $10 Free WiFi Watch: Novel Cafe, Ocean Park

»continue reading Modest Mouse, Hollywood Palladium, February 24, 2009

Subject: Stick-figure family window decals (SFFWDs) appear in automobile rear windows all over Losanjealous. Fig. 1 (below) provides an archetypal illustration. SFFWDs invariably depict a series of stick figures arrayed from left to right in descending order of size. They bear identifying features and names that indicate either their family role (e.g., “Dad”, “Mom”); their actual name (e.g., “Roxy”); or some affectionately demeaning sobriquet (e.g., “Boogers”, “Alecheetos”). Some bear the legend “Our Family” over the stick figures in case the relationship between the figures was not obvious. A few include pets such as dogs in the grouping. Single-parent family variants are either nonexistent or so vanishingly rare that DF has yet to espy one.

Background: The back of the car is a popular situs of self-expression, as the longstanding ubiquity of the bumper sticker attests. Bumper stickers achieve expression through language’s denotative function. If you want to tell the wide world what you brake for, or how members of your profession “do it” (viz., fornicate), or about your antipathy for fat chicks, the bumper sticker provides a means of expressing these views with unparalleled parsimony.

»continue reading The Stick Figure Family Window Decal Conjectures

»continue reading Mimicking Birds, Hollywood Palladium, February 24, 2009

If it’s your turn to treat, take ‘em to Simpang Asia. Provided that you look up solid directions beforehand (National Blvd goes nuts between Overland and Motor), be ready to impress.

The cuisine is Indonesian, but novices need not fear. The food is absolutely authentic and some dishes are a bit foreign, but I guarantee that you won’t be made to feel stupid (ATTN: India Sweets and Spices – There’s a lesson here). The menu comes with English descriptions and the service is friendly. The place is completely unpretentious and the crowd here gives it the air of a local hangout.

On this visit, I had the Nasi Bungkus ($6.95), a banana-leaf wrapped dish of curried chicken, tender chunks of beef, lightly spiced potatoes & vegetables, heaped on top of sticky coconut rice. I barely lifted my head as I devoured the entire packet of delicious. Conversation ceased.

Oh, what’s this?
»continue reading Under $10: Simpang Asia

Going to concerts at Royce Hall always feels like going to a football game: you park in a random UCLA lot, then walk half a mile across campus in the hopes of seeing a winner. But Valentine’s Day night, as my best gal and I hoofed it past deserted science labs in the direction of a gathering throng of lanky people in their woolen best, most paired up and holding hands, I felt like we were approaching something less collegiate and more magical, almost like a quiddich match.

»continue reading Sparks at Royce Hall, Valentine’s Day

PICK OF THE WEEK

AC Newman
w/ Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele
Thurs Feb 26
Troubadour
Info
 
 

Kinky
w/ Mexican Dubwiser
& Chico Sonido
Tues Feb 24
Henry Fonda Theater
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]

Dead Confederate
w/ The Yelling
DJs Dia and Solid Todd
Spaceland
Wed Feb 25
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]

HEALTH
w/ Abe Vigoda
& Captain Ahab
Thurs Feb 26
The Echo
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]

Kool Keith
Dr. Octogon vs Dr. Dooom
w/ Hopsin and Kutmasta Kurt
Fri Feb 27
El Rey Theater
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]

Everest
w/ Parson Redheads
& Two Sheds
Fri Feb 27
The Echo
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]

Ra Ra Riot
w/ Cut Off Your Hands
& Telekinesis
Sat Feb 28
El Rey Theater
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]

Faun Fables
w/ VOCO
Sat Feb 28
Spaceland
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]
 

Busta Rhymes
w/ U.N.I., Diz Gibran and Vi
Sun Mar 1
Club Nokia
Info | [ENTER TO WIN]
 
 

Yelle @ El Rey Thu 3/12
Plants & Animals @ The Echo Thu 3/12
David Liebe Hart, My Imaginary Friends & Mouse Kills Tiger @ Echo Curio Sat 3/21
Girlie Girl Catfight Night @ El Rey Fri 3/27
Lil Wayne w/ T-Pain, Gym Class Heroes, Keri Hilson @ Gibson Amphitheatre Sun 3/29
White Denim @ Spaceland Wed 4/1
Alexi Murdoch @ El Rey Wed 4/8
Rufus Wainwright @ House of Blues Anaheim Wed 4/29
Damien Jurado @ Spaceland Sun 5/3
Black Moth Super Rainbow w/ School of Seven Bells @ Troubadour Fri 5/29
Langhorne Slim @ Spaceland Sat 5/30
Au Revoir Simone @ El Rey Thu 6/11
Bat for Lashes @ El Rey Tue 6/16
Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood @ Hollywood Bowl Tue 6/30
Coldplay w/ Amadou & Mariam and Kitty Daisy & Lewis @ Home Depot Center Sat 7/18
 

TUESDAY
David Piltch @ Largo (little room)
French Kicks @ Troubadour
Kinky @ Henry Fonda
Lou Donaldson @ Jazz Bakery
Modest Mouse @ The Palladium

»continue reading Losanjealous Concert Picks: Feb. 23 – Mar. 1

In Los Angeles, taco trucks have become so commonplace, like graffiti on overpasses and the occasional hooker j-walking the street at 9 am.  It’s hard to give it anymore attention than it already gets.  But driving down on Adams Blvd, I noticed this one particular truck out the corner of my eye by the “R” Ranch Bodega market on Adams, just west of La Brea.  Besides the usual tacos, burritos and quesadillas offered by most trucks, I was attracted by the words painted on this truck: tortas ahogadas.  I asked my coworker RM, who’s also my human, Spanish-dictionary, what that meant… “drowned torta”.   Drowned in what though?  I had to find out.

»continue reading Under $10: Tortas Ahogadas Guadalajara Truck

Seven Shriners pose dressed alike before one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Their smart and sensible travel suits are perfectly color coordinated with the grandest canyon of them all.

»continue reading Charles Phoenix’s Slide of the Week: Shriners Visit Grand Canyon, Arizona, 1957

HEADS UP
Dear & the Headlights @ Knitting Factory Tue Feb 24

I’ll take my first five responses now for a pair of tickets to the Knit this Tuesday. Please make sure you can attend the show, and include your first and last name. Winners will be announced Monday AM. Good luck! (Did You Know? The band is also playing Coachella this year.)

DEAR AND THE HEADLIGHTS
Myspace | Official

PAST OF MONTREAL
» Of Montreal, Hollywood Palladium, November 22, 2008
» First Annual LA Weekly Detour Festival, Downtown

I am going to do everything in my power to not make this concert review a full-on love letter to Spencer Moody, but I won’t lie, it’s going to be difficult. For two nights this week, The Murder City Devils took over the Music Box and reminded you exactly why you asked Santa for this reunion every Christmas for the last few years. Here are some random thoughts from both nights.

»continue reading Murder City Devils Live @ Henry Fonda, February 17 & 18, 2009

Jasmine is the .5 of the 2.5 Burmese restaurants in all of LA.

Why only .5? Cuz they only have 5 Burmese dishes. I remember reading about this joint last year, but promptly dismissed it due to: again, only 5 Burmese dishes, and: it’s wayy the eff far in Culver City. Alas, a year after Mr. Gold’s article in LA Weekly came out, a certain West Side cheap food go-to guy ** WAVE to Wilbur** reminded me of its existence.

Tho I perused several Chowhound page, I ended up with all Indian dishes as they were out of the mohinga – fish noodle soup – so we ended up w/ a mild chicken tikka and a bow of lamb curry. The chicken tikka was served like a plate lunch, w/ a side of alu gobi cauliflower & veggies. The lamb curry came w/ naan and rice. Both curries were on the brothy, thin side. Lamb curry was ordered spicy, but ended up with medium punch. Medium is good. My toilet appreciates medium. Alu gobi was also thinner than usual just like the curries, but it was just enough to tease the palate and compliment the chicken tikka.

»continue reading Panning for $5 grub Gold: Jasmine Market, Culver City

HENRY ROLLINS RETURNS to THE LA AIRWAVES ON KCRW
Saturday Nights from 6 to 8pm PST

Appearing as a Guest DJ on Morning Becomes Eclectic TOMORROW, February 19

Starting March 7, KCRW DJ Liza Richardson will host Saturday night music from 8 to 10pm, followed by Jason Eldredge from 10pm to midnight.

Henry Rollins returns to the station where he got his start in radio, hosting a KCRW music show that will feature “a great mix of all kinds from all over from all time.” It will air live — on air at 89.9 FM and online at KCRW.com — Saturday nights from 6 to 8pm starting March 7. Each show will also be available on demand until the next show airs.
»continue reading KCRW Snags Rollins

A young couple poses for their Valentines Day portrait in the garden.

Cupid’s arrow pierces the dahlia-lined home made heart hanging on the clothesline between them. A simple floral bouquet stands before them. The garden hose snakes behind their feet. Her hand is in his. He cracks half a smile. She barely smirks. Their dress for the occasion is simple but smart. His cement colored sport coat, thin blue tie and a white shirt tucked into smart black trouser is timeless. Her shapely linen tweed suit and strappy sandals stand the test of time. But her hat does not. It makes her look like a nurse. Her ears are pearled and her are lips painted.

This is one of the slides that I showed when I was a guest on Martha Stewart’s Valentines Day show last year. I couldn’t believe when Martha saw Audie and Ehme her comment was “She’s not very pretty!” I couldn’t believe it. I might’ve thought it but I would’ve never said it.

Speaking of Martha, when I got the call to be on her show the producer told me that it would be nice if I brought something to give to Martha on the air being that it was Valentines Day and all.

»continue reading Charles Phoenix’s Slide of the Week: Audie and Ehme on Valentines Day, Southern California, 1954

PICK OF THE WEEK

ANDREW BIRD
w/ Loney, Dear
Wed. Feb. 18
Orpheum Theater
Info
 
 

2009 RAGGA MUFFINS FESTIVAL
A Tribute to Bob Marley
Full line-ups & Fest Info
Long Beach Arena
Sat. Feb. 21 & Sun. Feb. 22
[ENTER FOR SAT] | [ENTER FOR SUN]
Contest closed.
 

MORRISSEY Years of Refusal Attack/Lost Highway New album out Tues Feb 17 iTunes | MySpace [ENTER TO WIN THE CD] *Include address

 

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HEADS UP

Kings of Leon @ The Forum Sat 8/22
Iron & Wine @ Troubadour (On sale Fri 2/20 1 pm) Sat 5/9
PJ Harvey & John Parish @ El Rey Mon 3/23
Cornelius & Deerhoof @ Glass House Sat 5/16
Cornelius & Deerhoof @ Mayan Theatre Thu 5/14
Kimya Dawson @ Troubadour Tue 4/14
Ladytron & The Faint @ Henry Fonda Sun 4/26
The Decemberists @ The Palladium Tue 5/19
The Bird and the Bee @ Yost Theater, Santa Ana Thu 2/26
Slumgum, Whale Shark, Colter Frazier/Matt Crane @ Tribal Cafe Fri 2/27
Thank You @ The Smell Sat 2/28
Chris Darrow Tribute w/ Akron/Family, Ben Harper, Howlin’ Rain & more @ McCabe’s Guitar Shop Sun 3/1
Raphael Saadiq @ House of Blues Mon 3/2
Kath Bloom, Little Wings, Mia Doi Todd, Lee Baggett @ McCabe’s Guitar Shop Fri 3/6
Stone Gossard & Friends @ Largo Wed 3/11
Stone Gossard & Friends @ Largo Thu 3/12
HARD 13 w/ Diplo, Boyz Noize, Erol Alkan, LA Riots & more @ Shrine Expo Hall Fri 3/13
Toumani Diabaté @ McCabe’s Guitar Shop Sat 3/14
Golem w/ Sway Machinery (members of YYY’s, Balkan BB & Antibalas) @ The Echo Wed 3/18
Herman Dune @ Natural History Museum Sat 3/28
Suicidal Tendencies @ The Palladium Sat 3/28
Bret Michaels Rock of Love Bus Tour @ Club Nokia Fri 4/24
Mates of State & Black Kids @ Glass House Fri 4/24
Black Lips @ Glass House Sat 5/2
The Kills @ Glass House Thu 5/21
 
MONDAY
Jane’s Addiction @ Echoplex
Kevin Kanner Quintet + Jazz Jam & DJ J-Logic @ The Mint (free)
Local Natives @ Silverlake Lounge (free)
Murder City Devils @ Glass House

»continue reading Losanjealous Concert Picks: Feb. 16 – 22