Attention, Foodie Cheapskates: Please Write For Us

Much as it pains me to say it, we can’t send 25 of you to review Cut Copy at the Fonda. Good News, though! We’d still love it if you wrote for us. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you a cheapskate?
• Are you based in or around Los Angeles?
• Do you have a digital camera?
• Can you string more than two sentences together and nail at least 70% of the punctuation and spelling on the first try?
• Do you feel that you have an “enhanced” sense of humor?
• Can you laugh at yourself, particularly when you make poor gastronomic decisions?
• Are you attractive and photogenic? (HAHAHA! Silly rabbit this is foodblogging)
• Do you have health insurance?
• Do you carry a firearm?
• Is your car very, very fast?
• More than once a week, do you find yourself reading various online food reviews and saying to yourself, “God damn it I will never eat there, primarily because I can’t afford it but also because I have no idea what I just read and it smacks of some sort of food payola at best…” ?

If you answered “yes” to the first five or six bullet points and ignored the rest, we’d love to hear from you. We’re looking for foodies who will go to the places Yelp has avoided. We’re looking for good deals in dodgy waters. We’re looking for people who will take original photos of the eatery’s facade (and why not? maybe one or two of the food itself) and not just grab who-the-hell-ever’s photo off of flickr (we do strive to be original here as often as possible). We’re looking for a few good recommendations of where to spend $10 or less on our next meal, or, alternatively, where NOT to spend that $10 because we’re laughing at your misery. Operators are standing by; if you think you’ve got what it takes, go eat someplace and send me a review on spec right here. (That, or a link to your blog or similar food-related content works wonders as well.) It goes without saying that we are an equal opportunity blog and will not discriminate based on diet (vegan, street-meat-only, lemon-cayenne cleanse for life et al). However we do discriminate on cupcakes (no fucking cupcakes, and I mean it). Hope to hear from you very soon!