Major Breaking News in Associated Press-Shepard Fairey Kerfuffle: DF Files Suit, Accuses AP of Copyright Infringement

DF v APLosanjealous has just received word of a major development related to the copyright infringement lawsuit Associated Press has threatened against artist Shepard Fairey. The AP has claimed that Fairey wrongfully appropriated their photograph of President Obama in creating his iconic “Hope” poster. A recent court filing, however, reveals that the AP in turn violated copyrights owned by Losanjealous author, Derby Doll hanger-on, and man-about-town DF. Excerpts from the 1,257-page complaint illustrate the overwhelming force of these shattering accusations:

“Whereas, heretofore, nevertheless, etc., DF herein alleges that the following is true and correct:*

“¶ 15. Extensive photographic evidence reveals that DF had, as early as 1993, and possibly though not necessarily earlier, looked pensively up and to the left—in precisely the same manner captured by the AP’s photograph of Barack Obama.

“¶ 17. Witnesses will amply and voluminously support DF’s claim of rightful ownership by testifying that they stated, upon seeing conduct specified in aforementioned ¶ 15, ‘Hey, DF, what is located up and to your left that is making you pensive?’

“¶ 78. Extensive documentary evidence reveals that DF had, as early as 1990, and possibly though not necessarily earlier, used the word ‘Hope’—the very same word used in the popular posters of Barack Obama.

“¶ 82. Among the many convincing examples of the phenomenon articulated in aforementioned ¶ 79 include DF utterances such as, ‘I hope that prostitute is not a cop’, ‘I hope that prostitute was joking about having the clap’, and ‘I hope this sensation that my urethra is on fire is not a symptom of the clap.’

“¶ 131. In light of AP’s egregious and wrongful appropriation of both DF’s signature pensive-up-and-to-the-left look, and its contribution to the creation of a poster that egregiously and wrongfully appropriated DF’s signature ‘hope’ catchphrase, DF demands that the AP compensate DF in the amount of $40,000 in actual damages, $423,312.32 in compensation for pain and suffering, $1.43 million in punitive damages, and $3.78 billion in ‘Penalty for first party to threaten a horseshit lawsuit’ damages.

“¶ 146. In light of AP’s egregious and wrongful appropriation of DF’s signature look and its contribution to wrongful appropriation of DF’s signature catchphrase, DF further seeks injunctive relief against AP. Specifically, DF seeks that this court order the AP to make amends for its shameful flouting of core property rights and values by (1) printing a full-page ad in all major American newspapers reading ‘We are abjectly and piteously sorry, O beloved DF; you are our King’; (2) replacing the H2O in the AP water coolers with emesis-inducing ipecac syrup for a span of one (1) week; and/or (3) submitting to a vigorous spanking administered by the winner of the latest ‘World’s Strongest Man’ competish.”

Media outlets are free to cite or otherwise mention this exclusive and enormously important news item. If, however, they do so in a way that even vaguely displeases this site’s creators (including but not limited to the compulsively litigious LaVerne Casagrande), reserves the right to sue the pants off them. It’s how we roll. Create at your own risk, bitches.

*By which we mean “utterly and completely fabricated”, so if you believe even a shred of this to be actual and/or factual, you need to take 10 cc’s of irony, STAT.