[Note from the editor: This is part two of NoSmell Bob's 74-part review of La Reyna Grand Opening. Read part one here.]

Nearly two months have passed since my time at La Reyna. I’m moving this weekend, and while throwing my life into greasy boxes scavenged from the Ladera Center parking lot, I discovered a dusty and unmarked old cd-r under a pile of receipts and spare change. Curious, I loaded that badboy into my laptop and found the pictures taken to document that fateful mexican breakfast on 7th and Mateo. Hazy memories of gamey sausage links and slithery mexican food began to coalesce in my mind. It was time to write the review.

My first impression of La Reyna was something like “Wow, these people look a little nervous.” I quickly became distracted, however, by the numerous fake-looking swordfish on the walls. The swordfish were present in many sizes and instantly put me in a great mood for some reason. The nautical theme made me want to order some seafood, but the B rating and my instructions to sample the breakfast menu kept me on point.
»continue reading Profile: La Reyna Grand Opening

(Note from the editor: We sent NoSmell Bob to a restaurant adjacent to the downtown greyhound line six weeks ago. We received a half review, photos and no details. If anyone – man, robot, dog – anyone – has any information as to the whereabouts of NoSmell Bob, please contact the Losanjealous offices immediately. Thank you.)

You are to review the breakfast menu at La Reyna. Downtown. 7th and Mateo.

La Reyna is not far from the downtown greyhound line. Ideally, you will be able to talk to some transient who just got off the bus and find out what brought them in to La Reyna. They have a façade that touts “Grand Opening!” This verysame façade looks to be at minimum 25 years old.

You are to order whatever the hell you want. Hopefully, breakfast.

You are to ask when the grand opening was, and what happened…what you missed…if there was a dj…balloons…giveaways…free food..etc.

You are to make as much conversation about the grand opening with the waitstaff as possible, mentioning that the grand opening sign was what drew you in. If necessary, pose as somebody who just got off the bus from Ohio.

»continue reading Has Anyone Seen NoSmell Bob?