FRIDAY

The Friday Forty
It’s part sketch comedy show, part game show, part drinking game. 40 questions about the last 7 days, while you down a 40-ouncer. 2-for-1 tickets for those who mention Losanjealous.

SATURDAY

Free Comic Book Day @ Meltdown
Toyko Pop will be here for Free Comic Book Day. Lots of free books and attending artists.

Six-String Masterpieces @ La Luz de Jesus
A collection of 50 Dean ML guitars that have been hand-painted by world-famous Rock Stars and internationally known Tattoo & Visionary Artists in memorial tribute to one of the greatest guitarists of all time, Dimebag Darrell Abbott. Through Wed 5/16.

Tabla workshop @ Machine Project
A day centered around the tabla, the drums of north India. The entire day will be contextualized by discussions on the history and contemporary role of tabla, and a traditional Gujarati lunchtime meal. Beginners strongly encouraged to attend. We have tablas for you to use. Please RSVP for this free event.

The Glamazons
The Glamazon Girls are coming to perform at Club Bounce! They are being called “the plus size version of the pussy cat dolls”! They are traveling here all the way from NY one time only! We will also have a great spread of food to help celebrate Cinco De Mayo!

The Unsanctioned and Unauthorized Spider-Man III Show! @ UCB Theatre
Do You Like Spider-Man? Do You Hate Spider-Man? If you answered yes to either of these questions then this show is for you. Paul Scheer, Chad Carter, Paul Rust and Neil Campbell come together for one night only to celebrate and seriously infringe on copyrighted material as they celebrate the MOST EXPENSIVE MOVIE EVER MADE: SPIDER-MAN 3. So before you go see it in IMAX see us make fun of it at UCB.

SUNDAY

Blast! [4]
A benefit to support sound. and SASSAS at the home of Elyse and Stanley Grinstein in Brentwood. Featuring performances by My Barbarian and the premier performance of Pelicanman [Petra Haden/Mike Watt].

National Adult Spelling Bee
A traditional bee, but the contestants are adults. Any adult, at least 16 years old, who is a US resident or student may enter. The winner will receive $250 and his/her favorite nonprofit organization, school, or church will receive $250.

Origins of the Rainbow @ Machine Project
The final episode! Will include a rainbow-making workshop, in which the separate colors are conjoined. Prescribed and improvised music, storytelling, movement, sculpture, and other media will be at hand.

WEDNESDAY

Kanye West’s Mom
As the mother of hip-hop superstar Kanye West, Donda West has watched her son grow from a brilliant baby boy with all the intimations of fame and fortune to one of the hottest rappers on the music scene. And she has every right to be proud: she raised her son with strong moral values, teaching him right from wrong and helping him become the man he is today. Event rules will apply, please contact Borders for more information.

Twiistup
Twiistup is a new event that will showcase some of the best and brightest tech talent in Southern California. Twiistup’s goal is to allow start-ups to showcase their ideas and create a friendly atmosphere where guests can network with fellow innovators, investors, job seekers, and established industry leaders.

FRIDAY

Martin Wittfooth and Nathan Ota @ La Luz de Jesus
Martin Wittfooth’s “Melting Season” with Nathan Ota’s “Bright Ideas”. Opening reception Friday, April 6th, 2007 8:00-11:00pm. Through Sun 4/29.

SATURDAY

2007 US Sumo Open
Can Byamba defend his World Champion title against a large group of international contenders? See over 40 of the World’s best sumo wrestlers compete in the 7th annual US Sumo Open.

Another Herspective
An exhibition showcasing the diverse talents of some of today’s top young female artists. These multi-cultural artists have learned how to communicate with a finicky underground audience through their own unique expressions. Be it graffiti, photography, design, painting, or hip hop these women are making their voices heard. Collectively their art is strong, political, beautiful, and conscious.

Blessing of the Animals
Olvera Street near Downtown Los Angeles has celebrated the Blessing of the Animals since 1930, and will continue the tradition on Saturday, April 7, 2007 from noon to 5:00 PM.

I Hate Traffic
Poor Al solo show of new work, older unseen goodies, and collaborative work. (with John Michael Gill, Chris Coggan, Robert Bowen, Gustaf Rooth and Luiki.) Opening Reception on Saturday April 7th. 4-8pm at Monkeyhouse Toys and Gallery.

Keith Weesner, Amanda Visell and Dave Burke @ Copro Nason Gallery
Keith Weesner, “Brush with Speed” in gallery 2, Amanda Visell, “Hello Again ” in gallery 1&3 and Dave Burke, “Old Skool” in gallery 1 Saturday April 7, 8:00-11:30 p.m.

Ryan McGinness: A Rich Fantasy Life
Quint Contemporary Art is pleased to present “A Rich Fantasy Life” – an exhibition of new paintings by Ryan McGinness. Through Sat 5/19.

Spy-Fi
An entertaining look at how Hollywood viewed the cloak and dagger world of spies. From license to kill Bond to lethal by accident Smart, the collection contains some of the most infamous items from TV and film lore. Through Sat 9/1.

SUNDAY

San Fernando Valley Illegal Soap Box Federation Racing
The SFVISBF is having another race this Sunday, 7:00 AM at wilson canyon park in Sylmar. It’s right next to Olive View Hospital.

THURSDAY

Bent Festival
Bringing together performers, educators, and visual artists from around the world who not only push the circuit bending genre forward but also are on the cutting edge of the contemporary music and art scenes. In addition to interactive art installations and nightly concerts, adults and children alike can participate in workshops led by some of the world’s greatest circuit benders. Through Sat 4/14.

FRIDAY

Adultcon
Where fans go to buy autographs, photos, Polaroid’s, DVD’s & products & meet the porn stars of tomorrow as well as the mega stars of today. Through Sun 3/25.

Central Bookings
Long awaited show by JoeX2. The Philly native has done it again with a highly stylized series of mugshots-meets-glamour-shots depicting urban criminals and nostalgic heros. Graffiti never looked so good. Cocktails will be poured.

DJ Relay @ Betalevel
DJs and original composers create 20 minute sets of live electronic soundscapes and beats, showcasing their styles in unique blends of digital and analog, mind and body, hamster and corn.

lol: Marta Edmisten @ another year in LA
another year in LA will be exhibiting works in the form of documentation of intimate internet exchanges between individuals seeking sexual interaction from Ms. Edmisten’s “Blind Date” and “pinkpussypanties” projects.

The Friday Forty
The Game: 40 questions about the last 7 days. Scott & Dave pull 3 contestants out of the audience, Price Is Right-style, to play. If they’ve been keeping up with the news, they ought to be in good shape. Player with the most points wins. Simple as that. Kind of. Each player (and both hosts, and the audience) gets a 40-ouncer of domestic beer. It’s like “Best Week Ever” and Remote Control” had a son, and he started dating Tara Reid.

Three Companeros @ Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
In this parody of the sitcom “Three’s Company,” Lance Armstrong, Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey (portrayed by other actors) are celebrity roommates who try to woo their wacky landlord’s beautiful female visitor. Double entendres and a series of misunderstandings threaten to turn them against one another. Which celeb will get the girl? Through Fri 3/30.

Towards demystification of the modern computer @ Machine Project
Computers seem complicated, right? in a noble attempt to understand the guts of these magical machines, we’ll discuss the very basics: bits, binary to decimal conversion, basic logic gates, and assembling several logic gates for more sophisticated operations– interjected with historical references to morse, braille, and boole.

SATURDAY

BarcampLA-3
Ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people to share and learn in an open environment. With discussions, demos, and interaction from participants. Through Sun 3/25.

Because I Can’t Be Beethoven @ Dangerous Curve
Watch Parris Patton sledge-hammer a piano out of a 27,000-pound block of ice. The whole thing starts at noon on Saturday, March 24, 2007, with the delivery of the piano, and goes to 10 p.m., by when the piano will have been completely consumed.

Rock Paper Scissors Rumble 5
Join us for our 5th RPS Rumble at it’s new location, The EXPLX. Will you meet RPS4 2nd place winner The Lion Tamer or two time returning champ, Caine? Watch the RPS Rumble video teaser. Live performances by CHEESEBURGER and The Gray Kid!

The Secret Lives of Dolls
Premiere Solo Show of artist sisters CJ Metzger and Miss Mindy. Gallery Revisited will be transformed into multi-dimensional installation views using the walls and foreground to create playful-appearing vignettes. At first glance it will be breathtakingly bittersweet and full of serene whimsy. Closer inspection will reveal the subtle nuances of the work and the intimate details of stories being told. Through Sat 5/5.

Venice Contemporary First Annual Spring Invitational
With beats curated by Mr.1derful and DJ Jeff Lesh. Live painting bt Atiba Azikiwe Andrews. And a very special musical guest. Through Sun 4/15.

SUNDAY

ING presents the origins of the rainbow: Indigo @ Machine Project
Through eight monthly installments, ing will reveal the origins the rainbow through an original creation myth. Each of the seven performances will explore a specific color.

Mosaic Los Angeles Tour
Join us on a self-driving tour showcasing Los Angeles’ unique spin on the ancient art of mosaics, with docent-led tours at stops throughout the city.

Mr. Stay Puft’s Revenge Dodgeball Tourney
Bust out the old spandex, striped tube socks, nut huggers, proton packs, and hairspray because it is time for some super sweet dodgeball. All the shots to the privates you can handle without any of the unsightly bruising or swelling.

TUESDAY

Philip Zimbardo @ Central Library
From the creator of the landmark Stanford Prison Experiment, a revelatory exploration of the human capacity for evil – and what we can do about it. Zimbardo, Stanford professor emeritus of psychology, was an expert witness in the Abu Ghraib court-martial hearings.

THURSDAY

Ivan Reitman screens Duck Soup @ Skirball Cultural Center
Award-winning director/producer Ivan Reitman was the creative force behind such beloved, raucous comedies as Old School, Animal House, Stripes and Ghostbusters, as well as more sophisticated delights including Dave, 6 Days 7 Nights, and Twins. He will screen the Marx Brothers’ Duck Soup. A Q&A with Reitman will be held before the screening.

FRIDAY

Ghetto Gourmet
Underground supper club based out of Oakland makes their 4th trip to LA. Through Thu 3/22.

The Hidden Life of Garbage @ Machine Project
Join us as author Heather Rogers reveals the hidden life of garbage. The talk based on her book, Gone Tomorrow: The Hidden Life of Garbage, will take us through the surprisingly brief history of the trash heap, as before mass production and mass marketing it would have been unthinkable to dispose of so much of what we produce so soon after it is produced. Other key terms for this talk include: rat-eating dog army, Rikers Island, exploding gases, Ladybird Johnson.

Wizard World
Join thousand of fellow fans as they all converge at Wizard World LA to celebrate the best in pop culture. Wizard World has it all – TV, Movies, Comics, Toys, Games, Anime, Manga and Cards. Through Sun 3/18.

SATURDAY

Acousmatic Camera Obscura @ Machine Project
Our inexplicable habit of trying to make our sun-filled storefront pitch black in mid-day continues Saturday, as Ezra Buchla will be transforming the gallery into a Camera Obscura.

Annual Spring Rat Show
Brought to you by the fine folks at the American Fancy Rat and Mouse Association.

Beat @ Robert Berman Gallery
Book release and installation of photography, letters, and ephemera from the Beat Generation. Photography and book by Christopher Felver. Contributions by Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, William S. Burroughs and others. Through Sat 3/31.

Blood & Dumplings Crime Bus Tour
A grim and gleeful descent into the criminal history of the San Gabriel Valley, including the battling Nazis of El Monte, the chilling (and probably incestuous) Case of the Buried Bride, missing Salvador Dali paintings, the dark history of the Lions Club’s lion meat BBQs held in eye- and nose-range of hundreds of the lovely beasts, the Man from Mars Bandit (his mystery revealed!), plus Phil Spector, neglected Manson victim Steve Parent, Geneva Ellroy and a peculiar East L.A. link to the JFK assassination, concealed Black Panthers and the coolest trailer parks in the Southland.

Cult of Childhood
Childhood fears dwell in the unrestricted imagination influenced by nighttime stories, myths and dreams. The dichotomy of fairytales and dark fables is the inspiration for this exhibition at Black Maria Art Gallery. Through Sun 4/15.

MONA’s Neon Cruise
A special cruise to beat the winter blues. With music, live poetry by Mike-the-Poet and 3 thirst-quenching neon stops.

New Paint Things @ Dangerous Curve
“Minimalist” sculptures out of used paint rollers, paint cans, watercolor pans, water bottle caps, or pastel sticks? That’s just a hint of what you’ll find in Mark Creegan’s show “New Paint Things.” He can repurpose the most ordinary things in the most extraordinary ways. The celebration of Creegan’s exhibition is on Saturday, March 17, 2007, from 7:00 to 10:00 p.m., featuring the usual great organic food prepared by our master vegan chef, John Saslow. Live music/art TBA. Through Sat 4/21.

SNOITON! @ GR2
Two-entity art show between Cupco and Nanospore. The show will draw on themes of deconstruction/reconstruction, war, and the outer worldly. Showcased work includes felt dolls, silkscreen paintings, and experimental apparel. Through Wed 4/18.

THURSDAY

1907 Centennial
Local writers, musicians, film preservationists, vaudevillians and storytellers will converge at Bedlam Art in downtown L.A. to share their short presentations on 1907-inspired themes. In an eclectic evening drawing on the popular music of the period, early cinema, comical literature, fortune telling and cookbooks, the participants will bring the spirit of 1907 to life in a decidedly 21st Century event.

Well then Alo-HO! Joey, you’re taking your show to the Valley on Wednesday. What do you have in store for us?
Oh this is a BIG show, I assure you. All of my Ho’s will be there. Cathy Colada, Puka, Poi, and Waikiki Steve manning the bar. You’ve heard of Hawaii 5-0; well, we are the Hawaii 5 Ho’s! We also have some great singers, a crazy comedian, and for the Valley a visit from the Polynesian Pineapple Princess Poo-poo-ly. Just an eruption of talent! And of course door prizes! it’s a show of Comedy, Music, Cocktails, Hulas and Potted Meat! You know SPAM is the state meat of Hawai’i!

I did not know that. But let’s cut to the chase. Skeptics find it difficult to believe you are the illegitimate love child of Don Ho and Angelyne. Clearly, this unaltered family photo is irrefutable proof of your pedigree.
Well Ron, I think the parental love shown in the photo speaks for itself. Dad is smiling proud and Mom is doing that impish adorable thing with her tongue.

What was it like growing up? Did your mom drive you to school in her pink Corvette?
Mom did used to drive me to school in the pink corvette, much to my horror at the time. My childhood was rough at times, but never a bore. Since I am of mixed ethnicity: my Mother a white woman, my Dad, a lounge singer, I had plenty of taunts and torments in school. I sing a song about it in the show, “Half-Breed.”

Did you ever get sick of hearing your dad sing Tiny Bubbles?
Tiny Bubbles will always be a song near and dear to our hearts at the Ho Show. Cathy Colada, my sidekick, is our resident Champagne expert. She never met a cocktail she didn’t like. In fact, we have a jazzilicious version of Tiny Bubbles in our show, played by Missy Anita and her sax quartet, the Ka’apalani 4!

Mahalo, Joey, and best of luck with your show!
Mahalo to you, and thanks for having me. See you all at the Tiki Lounge, er, Whitefire theater! Alo-HO!

The Joey Ho Show
Wednesday, March 14, 2007, 8 PM
The Whitefire Theatre
13500 Ventura Blvd
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423
(323) 252-0560

FRIDAY

Behind Bedroom Doors @ thinkspace
“Behind Bedroom Doors” brings together the alluringly beautiful works of Sylvia Ji and Joshua Petker. Many of the Gods Girls models will be on hand opening night, helping to give the impression that the paintings themselves are coming to life. Through Fri 4/6.

Death to False Vinyl
Featuring Frank Kozik and his take on the Ningyo Project: gosho doll NECROMORTH THE CHRISTRAPER.

One Ring Celebration
Journey with us as The Lord of the Rings One Ring Celebration moves to a new location in 2007: the gorgeous Burbank Airport Hilton. Through Sun 3/11.

SATURDAY

Beer Pong Tournament
This is for competitive beer pong/beirut players in southern california. The tournament is Saturday March 10 at Bad Dog Ale House in El Segundo. First place will receive $500 cash.

Dorkbot in 3D @ Machine Project
This event will be on the theme of 3D imaging technologies and systems and will have presentations by two respected pioneers in 3D/stereo imaging technologies: Ray Zone and John A. Rupkalvis.

Joseph Szabo: Teenage @ M+B Gallery
First solo exhibition of work by renowned photographer Joseph Szabo in Los Angeles. As a high school teacher on Long Island, New York for more than two decades, Szabo used his rare gift for capturing the spirit of his students at Malverne High School perched precariously between puberty and adulthood. Through Sat 4/14.

Music for the Tenth of March @ Machine Project
A congenial evening of music and laughter. Tehn parses and rephrases adventurous bits. Daedelus constructs melodies for lost toys. they both employ high order magic objects. We’d be delighted to see you.

project: Another Fine Mess
project: presents Another Fine Mess, a solo exhibition from David Flores at project: Gallery LA. Opening Reception March 10th, 7-11pm.

Represent, Represent
Benefit show to raise funds for Tony ‘Tempt’ Quan. Approximately 100 fellow graffiti artists and contemporary legends are uniting for this event in sole support of Tempt. Legendary urban artists such as Barry McGee, Haze, Mr. Cartoon, and Shepard Fairey will be creating original artwork for this once-in-a-lifetime exhibition. Join many of the artists in person.

Santa Monica Airport Art Walk
Artists and arts organizations based at the Santa Monica Airport will open their studios for a special Open House as Hamp Simmons watches approvingly from his cloud with a window in heaven.

Where is LA?
Presentation of works that comment on the cultural diversity and the reality of life in Los Angeles. Artists present what LA means to them through their chosen medium. Through Thu 4/5.

SUNDAY

Freakshow Deluxe
Polynesian flavored Sideshow Supper club extravaganza. There’s LIVE music! PRETTY girls! DANGEROUS sideshow stunts! You don’t want to miss it!

SFVISBF Soapbox Racing
The San Fernando Valley Illegal Soap Box Federation races on March 11th at 7:00 AM at the very south end of Reseda Blvd. Build a car and race or stand on the sidelines and cheer.

MONDAY

Patton, Doug and Brian’s Sports Movie Nerd-o-rama @ UCB Theatre
Comedians and movie nerds Patton Oswalt, Doug Benson and Brian Posehn present a collection of their favorite obscure and just plain whacked-out sports movie clips.

WEDNESDAY

The Joey Ho Show
Join Joey Ho, Cathy Colada, and his eccentric Entourage at the “Tiki Lounge in the Ramada Inn in beautiful Hawaiian Gardens, CA.” Poi, Puka, Waikiki Steve, Missy Anita and even the Polynesian Pineapple Princess Poo-poo-ly are there to make your visit a memorable one!

THURSDAY

West L.A. Skeptics March Meetup
Come to the first meeting of the West L.A. Skeptics meetup group! This will be an interesting experiment to gauge how many people are interested in joining the group, and how far they’re willing to drive through L.A. rush hour traffic to get there.

When the theater manager asks why you didn’t enjoy the movie, feel free to use one of these excuses:

• Too derivative
• Too predictable
• Not feel-good enough
• No Stallone
• Fell asleep
• In constant fear I’d get hit with phone
• Too Formulaic
• Too Anachronistic: At one point – given as 1933 – Braddock reports a dream of dining at the Ritz with Mickey Rooney. Then only 13, Mickey Rooney was in the film business but not a name to recognize in Braddock’s slum. He starred in a series of comedy shorts at the time, but going by the name of Mickey McGuire. Only from the late 1930s through the 1940s would Mickey Rooney become a top star and household name.
• Spite
• I deserve better

Take the Cinderella Man Challenge at the AMC in Westwood, Century City or Burbank.

Plan ahead by studying the Neverland Ranch map (note boy-in-footsie-pajamas-possibly-hopped-up-on-Rohypnol logo at top left). If you don’t have a full day, skip the elephants, giraffes, tigers and bear (just one?) and make a beeline to Club Kiss (21), the Massage Therapy Center (47), the Petting Zoo (37) and the Serpentarium (38). If you get hungry there’s even a fully-staffed McConnell’s franchise on site.

Neverland Ranch
5225 Figueroa Mountain Rd
Los Olivos, CA 93441

street map and driving directions | satellite image

Nakamura, who signed a minor-league deal with the Dodgers in February, will be placed on waivers, giving all teams an opportunity to acquire him. “I felt like I’m not needed by the team,” Nakamura said.

The feeling’s likely mutual, Nori. Nakamura hit .128 with three RBIs and no homers in 17 games (although if you look at his splits he hit a nifty .300 in day games). He can now be safely dropped from your fantasy baseball roster.