The setup: I PITY THE FOOL that schedules the All Smiles show at 1:30. Mr. T was on another recon mission in Austin for this SXSW thing. Everybody knows that parking’s scarce for a tactical command unit and that fool Murdock was outta the van before you can say “The Office of the Governor has a zero tolerance policy for nonsense on 6th street, FOOL!”

The rationale: Face wasn’t pickin’ up his cell phone and some fool was blocking the street interviewin’ fools for the Tonight Show. How’s a T supposed to parallel park with a giant string section standin’ in my A-Team Van loading zone!

The altercation: “Hey FOOL! You might be a musical genius, but you aint no parkin’ genius! Get outta my loading zone before I comb your hair, suckah!”

Mr. T: Hey Fools! Don’t you suckas know what LOADING ZONE MEANS?
»continue reading Mr. T Visitor Guide: Wayne Coyne Incident, SXSW

»continue reading SXSW 2007: Girl Talk @ Elysium

»continue reading SXSW 2007: The Good, The Bad And The Queen @ Stubbs

»continue reading SXSW 2007: Public Enemy @ Town Lake

»continue reading SXSW 2007: The Cops @ Longbranch Inn

»continue reading SXSW 2007: Meat Puppets @ The Parish

Apparently Frank McCourt doesn’t go to Dodger Stadium the ghetto way…by my house.

Or this would be gone too.

Not that I care about the baseball…and I love the Anaheim Angels’ logo… it’s all Red and pretty and there’s something devilish about that font…the two little points on the side of the A, then they go and cap it with a halo… but seriously….

The entire route to Dodger Stadium on Sunset Boulevard is a huge visual FU to the Dodgers. Every single bus ad is this logo. Most billboards are this logo. It’s kind of like gang tagging in someone else’s neighborhood. And to top it all off….there was a HUGE billboard across from the entrance to Dodger’s Stadium on Sunset and Elysian Park.

That lasted about a week.
»continue reading Photo Op: Entrance to Dodger Stadium

If this were an episode of Gray’s Anatomy, you’d find me waking up on a Saturday morning in bed with Dr. Yang or Dr. Torres or Preston Burke naked and screaming “SERIOUSLY?” at the camera while Dido or Psapp played over my Hallmark Card musings and my beeper blows up while we cut to Bailey screaming “Where is that stupid intern? I need her here STAT.”

Instead, Saturday morning finds me waking up face down on my couch in my boots with writing all over my arm and my dog sleeping on my legs. I have vague memories of someone driving my car home the night before and either I decided to go get an enormous tattoo of the Aurora Borealis above my right knee, or I may have been kicked in the leg by a donkey. My phone has been ringing repeatedly for the last 20 minutes and in my Meredith Gray moment, I sit up on the couch, knocking the dog to the ground and say “SERIOUSLY? How did I get so drunk last night? I only had 3 beers!” Instead of Dido, though, an infomercial with Erik Estrada encouraging me to buy land at a vacation resort in Wisconsin is BLARING from the TV.

61 missed calls…ugh. I answer. It’s LaVerne and she’s going apeshit because I changed the alarm code at the Losanjealous building. Apparently Ryan and Victor have already been detained by our own rent-a-cops for typing the wrong code in 6 times.
»continue reading Yo Majesty @ The Echo

»continue reading All Smiles @ Spaceland, 1.29.07

WALK OF FAMER: Smilin’ Ed McConnell

ENVIRONMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS: Star is situated directly in front of store that sells plastic stripper shoes

WALK OF FAMER: Parkyakarkus

ENVIRONMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS: Star is situated in the driveway of a shady parking lot that charges $25.00 and is full of potholes

Obviously, these are from before the show was cut short due to illness. (The poor dear is getting over a chest infection.) The good news is that last night’s show will be rescheduled for early December and your El Rey ticket stub will be honored. We’ll have the details here as soon as we get them. –Ed.
»continue reading Lady Sovereign @ El Rey, 11/16/06

The setup: Mr. T was late to the Tony Bennet show at the Kodak Theatre. Parking’s scarce for a tactical command unit and that fool Murdock gave me bunk directions. Luckily I ran into a midget in an alley.

The rationale: Face wasn’t pickin’ up his cell phone and any fool can give me better directions than Murdock.

The altercation: The midget didn’t know where the Kodak Theatre was. She started actin’ the fool, sayin’ she wasn’t from here and if I didn’t like it, try and deport her. Mr. T don’t take no backtalk. Then she gave T a bunk chiropractic adjustment. This ain’t over.
»continue reading Mr T. Visitor Guide: Why I Has A Beef Wif Lady Sovereign

»continue reading Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy @ The Smell, 10/24/06

The Chupacabra has been tearing shit up all over the Americas for almost 15 years now. What was originally an isolated Puerto Rican problem became all of our problems when the little fucker mobilized and came onto the mainland to terrorize North and South America. Goats, cows, dogs and chickens were exsanguinated and left lying all around Latin America as a visual F.U. to anyone stupid enough to look for what eyewitnesses described as a red-eyed, hopping, hissing thing with a long snout and wings.

Then the bastard came to America …and Los Angeles, specifically. As if life isn’t hard enough! Walking to the corner mercado involves looking out for desgraciados, sin verguenzas, cabrones, babosos, and payasos…not to mention El Cucui and La Llorona! We didn’t need this shit.
»continue reading Una Menos Fantasma Este Año

»continue reading Pogues @ Wiltern, 10/20/06

So how was it for you? Here are some shots our Jeannette took. We’ll have some words on the whole thing coming up shortly. -Ed.
»continue reading First Annual LA Weekly Detour Festival, Downtown

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