Oki-Dog Fairfax Vs. Oki’s-Dog Pico: The Chart That No-One Wants To See
Hello my bloggy friend. Is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile. I’ve dreaded this moment for nine months, and yet here I sit. And there you sit. And here it is. Let us begin, then.
I shall start with a straightforward review of Oki/Oki’s-Dog, Pico. Following that we will jump straight into:
OKI-DOG FAIRFAX VS. OKI/OKI’S-DOG, PICO: THE CHART THAT NO-ONE WANTS TO SEE
Least of all, me
Oki East: Identity Crisis From The Get-Go
Couldn’t talk anyone into reviewing Oki/Oki’s-Dog, Pico. Eventually, of course, she would call my name. A search for the phrase ’oki-dog’ on this website currently yields sixteen articles. This will officially tip it to seventeen. Am I obsessed? The fuck I am. Let’s do this.
From the get-go something is amiss. The requisite orange is in effect. The place emits a strong shack vibe. The Oki-dog appears very similar to the mother’s offering. Yet a few things, almost intangible things, disturb me…
- The “A” health rating
- Dodgy clientele interspersed with normal citizens (where are my much-preferred transvestites, crusty shifts peddling VHS copies of The Running Man and filthy transients hawking loogies?)
- The ’ No Trespassing’ sign [photo], possibly the first I’ve ever seen at an eating establishment
- The lack of perimeter foliage [photo] as compared to Mother Fairfax [photo]
- The fact that they can’t decide whether the name of the fool restaurant is Oki-Dog or Oki’s Dog
- The fact that they keep touting themselves as world famous
- The fact that the menu is clean, fully legible and permanent, unable to be edited by the average unscrupulite with a penchant for filth
Minor quibbles. I enter the chapel and forgive all in neon glow of Holy Foodshack East.
I order my food. Immediately afterward, mass confusion ensues. I’m confused. The cooks are confused. The cashier is beyond confused. Everybody else waiting around is incredibly agitated and confused. Nobody knows who the hell’s supposed to order next. Nobody knows what food is coming out of the window for whom. There’s no real line. All of us are now, by definition, loitering. Including the cashier. A no-no.
Twelve, fifteen minutes pass. Cashier scratches his head and reads my order back to me. No food in sight. He tacks on a large fries. I’ve already paid. I talk myself out of the free fries. I don’t want the damn fries. More bags appear and are snatched. A bag of food is thrust my way. In lieu of Fairfax’s greased wax paper on a dirty frisbee system [photo], Pico has a very distinct bag-and-box system in place, more detrimental to the environment albeit considerably healthier to my own personal ecosystem.
I try to eat the oki-dog. I can barely manage half. It is as it should be.
I then eat an entire bacon cheeseburger.
I drink a large Orange Bang.
I begin taking macro-zoom photos of my half-eaten Oki. Some guy two tables down is giving me stink eye. I sense it loud and clear. Spidey sense. Why the fuck are you taking those photos.. I finish the laughable meal to the best of my ability. I get up to leave. One of my unfinished dogs wiggles out of the sack and plops onto the table. I crack up. Disgusting. I’m juggling oki detritus again. It is at this point that I know this shack and the one on Fairfax are connected on a spiritual level. Time to go. I’m walking to my car. I turn. I’m snapping photos of the dual signs. I hear a ruckus. Somebody’s chasing me to my car. “Hey man, you taking photos of me?”
Yeah. That’s what I was doing. I was taking secret photos of you.
“Photos of the sign, man. Not you.”
“..?.. Oh – ok.”
“It’s for a food review…”
Now you get it. Please leave me the fuck alone as I must go throw up this meal someplace.
5056 W Pico
Click the ’more’ prompt for a full side-by-side comparison. Oki takes on Oki. And/or Oki’s. You choose. This is the real deal. No holds barred!
|Menu||Oki-Dog Fairfax||Oki/Oki’s Dog Pico|
|Cost of Oki-Dog||$2.78. $3.70 for ’Combo’ with fries||$3 flat tax-inclusive|
|Menu with customer-editable letters||Absolutely||Not|
|Serving style||Greased wax paper on dirty frisbee||Bag-and-box method|
|Detritus (NONE OF THIS HAS BEEN CHEWED)|
|Architecture/Decor||Oki-Dog Fairfax||Oki/Oki’s Dog Pico|
|Outdoor dining||Surreal. Fairfax melts away. You could be in a Caribbean tar shack were it not for the transvestites and weathered shifty-looking drifters||100% Pico blvd experience. Neither tropical nor Hollywoodlike|
|Lighting||NA||Scary Lab Bright|
|Shackfactors||Oki-Dog Fairfax||Oki/Oki’s Dog Pico|
|Trespassing||Yes. Encouraged||Yes. Posted: Forbidden|
|Loitering||Yes. Encouraged||Yes. Posted: Forbidden|
|Confrontation Potential||Yes. Medium||Yes. Medium-high|
|Ne’er Do Wells||Yes||Yes|
|Entertainment||Broken TV||Piped radio|
|Something for Quarters||Shacktastic video games||Craptaculous Vending Machines|