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Coachella Festival 2008: The Weekend in Food

By Georgia - Wednesday April 30th 2008

While most people were making lists of what bands they couldn’t miss, texting friends in hopes of getting on the guest list for various invitation-only pool parties, and planning their skimpy wardrobes, I was thinking about how much festival food I could realistically consume in the three days I would be at Coachella.

Now, you’d think that a person who, with the help of an equally culianarily adventurous friend, invented and consumed something called a “McNuggitini” (no, seriously) would be able to eat all sorts of deep fried and heart-attack-be-damned treats and walk away with a spring in her step and a smile on her face, right? I pride myself on having no “food guilt” and not being one of those girls that obsesses about each and every calorie, and I promise you’ll never see me order a salad when what I really want is a burger…life’s too short not to enjoy it. But! Festival foods, you’re were a worthy adversary, and I hate to admit defeat, but I think I’ve been bested.

coachella food

Sure, the weekend started off sugary. But in my defense, I needed a little energy boost for the drive, and I recently swore off coffee. Alright, fine…I’m also madly in love with Piña Colada Slurpies. After that, though, I was determined to show Festival Foods who was boss by opting for a somewhat healthier choice, a veggie burger:

coachella food

Although it was sitting on a slab of yellow, processed cheese, I determined that this was a wise decision, especially compared to the melange of unhealthy options. Only at a festival will you find a once-healthy vegetable, prepared in such a way that it becomes a cardiologist’s worst nightmare.

Exhibit A:
coachella food
“How’s about we take an unassuming artichoke, slather it in some sort of mayonnaise concoction…and what they hell, lets toss some salad shrimp into the mix, just to throw everyone off. Also, can we talk about this “neckerchief” trend? Really, people? Neckerchiefs?” said the Festival

Although I wholeheartedly disagree with the festival’s opinion that an artichoke swimming in a pool of dairy and seafood is considered edible, he’s got a point with the whole “neckerchief” thing. Seriously people, y’all look like a Labrador that belongs to an eccentric yuppie.

Anyway, watching cute girls nibble on healthy food can make a less anorexically inclined girl such as myself quite hungry.

coachella food
Looking pretty while eating ain’t an easy feat…especially when it’s 102 degrees and you’re wearing a onesie.

So in a last ditch effort to stave off food of the artery clogging variety a little longer, I desperately grabbed for the first thing that didn’t look like it was going to cause diabetes…a coconut. This ended up being the best thing I ate at Coachella, perhaps even the best thing I’ve eaten in weeks (don’t tell the bacon wrapped hot dog…we both know how jealous he gets).

coachella food

After drinking the murky, refreshing “milk” out of the coconut, the nice vendor takes a frighteningly sharp hatchet and expertly whacks it in half. I was too excited about devouring the innards to remember to take a picture…but trust me, it was as pretty as it was yummy.

It was all downhill from there, though, I’m sorry to admit. Sure, there were vegetable-type foods which could be wrapped in a bland tortilla, as pictured here:

coachella food
and here:
coachella food

But if you’re like me, and words like “hacky sack” and “Jack Johnson” aren’t regulars in your vocabulary, that really isn’t your style. No…people like us, we know you can’t visit a festival without your stomach getting a little pwn3d, and after a tentative bite of a delicious slice of spicy sausage, peperoni, and onion pizza from Spicy Pie

coachella food

I was a goner. There was only veggie and turkey to choose from in the corn dog category, neither of which I would normally be fond of, but they looked perfectly crispy and were the size of a baby’s arm, but without all those damn bones to get in the way.

coachella food
Ms. Alie Ward…sad because she knows she’s going to eat the whole damn thing.

We chose veggie and if you’re one of those people who think “vegetarian” equals “healthy”, this would have set you straight. It was insanely yummy…so much so, that we shared another the very next day. That’s saying a lot, considering there was so much more artery clogging goodness to be had…

coachella food

Like garlic fries and cheese steak sandwiches…and greasy Thai food…and giant bags of kettle corn (aka crack dusted w/ sugar)…

coachella food

and even more pizza! And of course, no festival would be complete without the mother of all treats, the funnel cake.

coachella food

So, Festival, I accept defeat gracefully. Sure, there was better, healthier, free food to be had at those swanky VIP parties,

coachella food

but that entailed having to wait in 30 minute lines with a bunch of vapid hipsters in tacky bathing suits and ironic sunglasses, and I can take only about ten minutes of that before I start questioning the meaning of life, which is exacerbated by the three lukewarm (although free) Heineken’s I more than likely already consumed.

So although the VIP parties have the Ice Cream Man

coachella food

you, my dear Festival, have boiling vat of dirty oil, frying away the foods that are guaranteed to pwn my stomach, and capture my heart. And this is why I’ll see you next year…but also why I’ve decided to go vegan for a week.




What now?

12 Responses to “Coachella Festival 2008: The Weekend in Food”

  1. Posted by Robert 4/30/08 at 9:25 am # Reply

    much, much better than that ridiculous bacon-dog story.

  2. Posted by T. Danz 4/30/08 at 9:42 am # Reply

    @1: I’ll do the judging hoss. I’m still the boss last I checked.

    hnhnh. hoss -> boss, that rhymes
     
     
     

  3. Posted by Ryan 4/30/08 at 9:57 am # Reply

    Georgia you did us proud. Except for the artichoke. There, you failed miserably by opting not to eat one of those monstrosities.

  4. Posted by Fausty 4/30/08 at 11:20 am # Reply

    I like your style Georgia

  5. Posted by Timbot 4/30/08 at 2:31 pm # Reply

    You must have gotten a different veggie corn dog than I because I had to throw mine away half-way through so I wouldn’t vomit later. If you want a great one, try Hot Dog on a Stick. And get a jalapeno cheese stick to go with it. Mmmmm…

  6. Posted by santos. 4/30/08 at 9:17 pm # Reply

    while i wonder about the freshness of that coconut (the water shouldn’t have been murky), you’re pretty right about the coconut being the best thing you ate in the desert. coconut water has a high potassium content and is easily absorbed in your body when you are dehydrated.

  7. Posted by Ryan 4/30/08 at 9:39 pm # Reply

    (#6) karina holy CRAP. long time! how’s things…i’ll drop you a note.

  8. [...] so obsessed with Georgia Hardstark’s blog, it’s ridiculous. Her thing on Coachella was so dope. She is second only to The Late Bloomer Finally Blooms in my cold little [...]

  9. Posted by leah 5/4/08 at 11:06 am # Reply

    I actually found some pretty tasty Indian-ish food which so hit the spot after all the beer. Nice review, sister.

  10. Posted by sherru 5/6/08 at 2:14 pm # Reply

    The pizza was not bad. Well, for $6. Yeesh. You know they be sellin’ that stuff for a $1 out of their normal store, but ripping off the large hordes of 80s styled idiots. GOOD. YOU HURT THAT GUY IN THE NEON PINK.

  11. Posted by gorri 5/19/08 at 7:26 am # Reply

    hi, someone know the name of one food local, they have a vegetarian food, like a big tortilla whit toffu inside and peanut dressing, the food court it´s front the coachella stage, thanks. my mail is gorri1@mac.com

  12. Posted by gorri 5/19/08 at 7:28 am # Reply

    hi, someone know the name of one food local, they have a vegetarian food, like a big tortilla whit toffu inside and peanut dressing, the food court it´s front the coachella stage, thanks.

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