My Fucking Guitar Player Broke His Fucking Finger

An Exercise in Verbal Redundancy and Melodramatic Self-Involvement

My fucking guitar player broke his fucking finger in two fucking places and now he needs to get fucking surgery and it’s going to take him fucking two months to fucking heal and we won’t be able to play any fucking shows or even fucking practice for the fucking duration.

We had this whole goddamn U.K. takeover planned and now the goddamn thing is on hold and all our goddamn U.K. contacts are busy goddamn forgetting they ever goddamn gave a fuck.

Everything was going really great up to now. We got this really big feature in the U.K.’s really biggest music magazine NME and our trip to London was really fun and we met some really nice amazing people who could really do something for our careers and, really, our livelihood, too.
So now it’s like when we like play this Wednesday night at Spaceland with Film School, the whole like concept is going to be different and like members of The Deadly Syndrome and Eskimohunter and The Human Value are like going to like fill in for M., and, maybe, like, M. will contribute like tambourine or like vicodin-induced mumbling or, like, something like that and, like, it’ll be weird.

At least the guys who are taking on guitar duties are totally hot and come totally prepared to practices and are being totally amazing and we’ve totally bonded and I’m totally inspired to play with more totally rad hotties like totally all the total time.

Naturally, I will power on and be strong because when shit happens in life, naturally it’s far preferable to view it as a challenge that can be naturally overcome by one’s wits, or that life is, naturally, offering up a test that, if you pass it, you are naturally a shoe-in for greatness, naturally.

But that fucker fell off his goddamn bike and it’s really thrown like a wrench in the gears of Pity Party Progress, totally forcing us to get the fuck over it real fast, naturally.

Or something like that. Again, Reader, I’m shocked and fearful that you’ve made it this far.

The Pity Party w/ Film School & The Meeting Places @ Spaceland (Pity Party @ 10 pm)