Bill DeMarco Rates the Top 50 Starbucks in LA: This Week: #14
#14: The Starbucks in the strip mall at Los Feliz & Seneca
November makes me horny. I don’t think it’s the turkey. (Unless you’re talking about yourself—ed.) There’s something in the air, it’s the smell of bread and asparagus and pine cones. It’s the smell of Los Feliz. And Los Feliz is as Los Angeles as you can be without getting points on your record. The Angels, meet the Happinesses. And while you’re at it have a rich Los Feliz cup of Rubiaceae Coffea Robusta, in the Latin of Seneca.
You may by now find yourself asking, So Bill you spend so much time at Starbucks what are you doing there? Other than the Lord’s Work you mean? I’m analyzing coffee man! Between the tasting and flushing of my mouth with a native mixture of herbs and incense, I barely have time to masturbate. This isn’t summer camp folks. You don’t like how I rate Starbucks coffee then you do it.
I lost my cool. I’m sorry. I’m not that busy. Let’s just say I’m working on some stuff. A lot of 
stuff, all very different. Some seasonal, some long-term. One of my ideas is I want to make a toy—I know I know, St. Patrick’s Day is the new Christmas, get a clue, I’m wasting my time, invent a new beer. Wrongo cynics. Christmas is here to stay. Thus spake DeMarcothustra. My idea is micro-something. This is what I’ve come up with so far: micro-chicks, micro-chimps, micro-chunks, micro-hotties, micro-babes, micro-hotties, micro-morphs, micro-fruit, micro-golf, micro-studs, micro-dudes, micro-guys, micro-hunks, micro-crunks, micro-cholos, micro-nerds, micro-knights, micro-creeps, micro-hawks, micro-stars, micro-crabs, micro-paint, and micro-guns. Something like that. I especially like micro-fruit. Again these are just sketches but I figure I have like two months to get from sketchpad to store shelves. No sweat. I’m dreaming of a green Christmas. . . .
Hope you’ve ordered your cranberry stuffing and have a happy second week of November!
(the above “editorial comment” was written by Mr. DeMarco—ed.)
Did I miss the joke behind the photo of downtown Toronto featured in the “Bill DeMarco’s Los Angeles” title image?
[...] #14 St. Patrick’s Day: I Will drink your shamrocks from a Holiday-themed cup. [...]
[...] Her meretricious and spokesmodelly pep-talk was all I needed. That ineluctable purpose I summoned four minutes ago has breathed a second wind. Never breaking eye contact with her (goggles contact, I’ve never seen her eyes, is that weird?), I grip the bass by the neck, retreat step by step, shut down the sensors in my armor, and begin to turn. All the words, the gimmicks, the half-baked ideas, the money-making schemes and toy-designing ploys, the fights with bosses and rock bands, every fleck of cognitive shrapnel spin and disintegrate until I’m ringed by monochrome planes of silence. I unlock my mechanical fingers and let loose the fugitive guitar. [...]