L.A. Vintage Commercials: Larry Parker
If Cal Worthingon’s lighthearted ads are a throwback to the shiny optimism of 1950s-era California (“pussycow†references notwithstanding), then the ads of Larry H. Parker showed us a grimmer, more materialistic side of life. My recollection of these comes mainly from watching the back-to-back episodes of the Twilight Zone that KTLA aired every noon during the summer.
Freaky as the T-Zone was, what made a stronger impression was Larry Parker’s commercials: a litany of wronged and/or injured citizens, each one inflated with self-righteousness as they announced the hefty verdicts or 
settlements that Larry had won on their behalf, and included the unforgettable formulation “Larry Parker got me†followed by some outrageous financial figure. This wasn’t about justice, it was about physical suffering translated into cold cash. The capper, though, was the African-American gentleman who appeared at the very end of the ad and famously proclaimed “Larry Parker got me†[dramatic half-pause] “2.1 million.†Sounds like a lot of cash, eh? Well, as anyone who was a kid in the 80s could tell you, it was a dead-ass fact (read: urban legend) that the reason they only showed the client’s head in a small frame was that he was paralyzed from the neck down. Other rumors added that he only had one leg. Some even had it that he was just a head and torso. Now how does that 2.1 million sound?
The cultural impact of the Larry Parker commercials reached far beyond just the pool of intended injury-suit clients. For one thing, dyslexic rockers “Korn†[sic] gave Larry a shout-out in their ballad “Wickedâ€: “I won’t choke like the Buffalo Bills, sittin at the pad just chillin; Larry Parker just got 2 million, oh what a fucking feeling.†In fact, Larry’s commercials may have helped change the way lawyers advertise. In order to counter expectations that injury victims were automatically entitled to loads of cash, regulations were passed preventing lawyers from announcing specific dollar-amount recoveries. In the kind of meta-twist that would give any cultural studies maven a hard-on, Larry responded to this move by bringing back the black quadriplegic spokesman, who now teases the audience with “Larry Parker got me . . . well, you know the story.â€
The Parker legal juggernaut continues to chug along, apparently more robust than ever. And because I have no doubt that Larry would file a defamation suit against me if he read this, let me note here that this post was done in the spirit of lighthearted jest, is not meant to be factually accurate in the least, and is thus protected by the First Amendment. And in all fairness, I should note that Larry Parker’s firm sponsors a scholarship to underprivileged youth who demonstrate both academic skills and a propensity for gratuitously suing their classmates.
Was it just me or did anyone else hear the guy say “Larry Pussy got me 2.1 million”
Ahhh! Awesome! I frickin’ love this blog; you guys are the greatest.
I TOTALLY remember the common wisdom about the 2.1 Million guy being paralyzed or being only a head, but then, one time, at the end of a seemingly-regular Larry H Parker commercial: they showed the WHOLE GUY, leaning up against a motorcycle, and he capped his catchphrase with, “and man am I enjoyin’ it!”
It was as if Parker had heard the schoolyard chatter and was rebuking it directly! Except…
It looked like the guy was more PROPPED UP AGAINST the motorcycle than really leaning on it. The whispers began immediately that he really was paralyzed, and some nurses had just dressed him up and propped him long enough to shoot the bit. But we still loved Larry, because we knew, if it ever came to it, he would fight for us.
And hey, anyone remember the Jack Stefan commercials? In which the announcer kept getting the eponymous handyman’s name wrong… “Call your man, Jack Stefanovich!”
Great knowledge of the Parker commercial ouevre, UniAce. All my research could not locate that 2.1 million guy–or any actual facts about him–but I’ll keep an eye out.
Funny that you should mention Jack Stephan–he’s next on my commercial-nostalgia hit list.
Wicked was originally an Ice Cube song.
KoRn just butchered it.
Speaking of Ice Cube, does anybody remember his St. Ides commercial? I used to see it late at night, on Channel 9 (back when it was still KHJ) and Channel 13 I think. It had Ice Cube rapping on stage at a show somewhere, with the hook “St. Ides Malt Liquor – It’ll make your jimmy thicker!”
Good catch on the Cube v. Korn attribution, Topher. I’d much rather give props to the former.
I dimly remember the malt liquor ad, though I thought the line was “Gets your girl in the mood quicker and gets your jimmy thicker.” Either way, a true modern classic of street verse.
heh, on the Cal Worthington page i made a comment about the dude finally being put on a motorcycle. Then I started to think I was wrong as I read the article. I am glad someone else remembers, too!
this stuff is awesome DF. I havent smiled this big in a long time. ahh memories
thanks!
I knew I couldn’t have been the only one who thought the Cal Worthington commercials were saying “pussycow”.
I’m trying to find actual 1980s Larry Parker ads for a parody I want to do; I was hoping your article had some. If it does, I can’t seem to figure out where in the article the link is. Are there any Parker ads on-line, aside from the very recent video on his site?
Thanks.
PS: Your directed apostrophes are displaying as ’ (a-circumflex, Euro, trademark).