Losanjealous 2006 Valentine’s Day Cards
By Ryan - Tuesday February 14th 2006 |
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Happy Valentine’s Day, fellow denizens. Daddy loves you all. I analyze your IP addresses, visitor paths and click-thrus every day, and find myself saying “God damn it. I love you. You’re clicking these pages and reading this garbage that arguably I wouldn’t even read and that’s so much digital love, when you think about it.”
It’s time to give back, and speaking of backs Losanjealous has yours. No need to take $2.50 to the Hallmark Gold Crown. No need to cough up the price of a skinny latte for a funny card featuring that crabby old lady smoking cigarettes. Presenting the Losanjealous 2006 Valentine’s Day Cards:
Instructions:
1) Right-click applicable image and save to your computer. Print image in color, if possible.
2) Using a scissors, clip along the red lines. You now have a card. Give it to that special someone.
3) If sending via USPS, affix proper postage. Consider glueing to posterboard.
4) Be mine?
I hope these cards work for you in some fashion. I spent a lot of time on them.
I would now like to briefly share my last three Valentine’s Days, as I just remembered them while making these wonderful(ly shitty) cards. Here we go!:
2005: Coughed up this gem for the girl i was dating at the time. Probably cooked dinner. May well have broken up with said girl on Valentine’s Day, I forget. Heartless son-of-a-bitch!
2004: Drank mimosas on the beach with the girl i was dating at the time. We filled canvases with cartoon bananas and the color black in my tiny studio in Venice. She couldn’t paint for shit. I wasn’t much better. Regardless, sometimes you really cannot beat a day of painting.
2003: Ate overpriced Indian food in Brentwood.
Update!
I will be taking requests for customized cards all day today. These will not be delivered until this evening, but they will be ready for delivery to your significant other before midnight PST. Send your headline requests to [email protected].
Choose from the following background images:
-Oki Dog
-Burrito King
-98cent Store, Melrose Hill (li’l armenia)
-Baconwrapped vendor
-Cafe Tropical
Damn I’m romantic.
Hey, do you have any that say something to the effect of “we’ve only gone on a few dates and I think you’re really cool but how come you didn’t ask me out again at the end of the last one like you did the others?”
Thanks, that would be really helpful.
Hilary-
you’ve inspired me. I will be taking requests for customized valentine cards ALL DAY today. Updating the post accordingly.
Wow. Who knew I had such an influence. Since you’re taking requests, I’d like to order a tall Jewish man with a job, please. And can you have him delivered by around dinner time? Thanks.
Pirate Cat Radio…
I’d been hearing about a pirate radio rebroadcast, on the FM dial, of The Howard Stern Show as it airs on Sirius satellite radio, but had been unable to get more information until now (link via MarksFriggin): Two weeks ago,…
Dear Hilary:
I may not be Jewish, tall, or presently employed but I would like to share my enjoyment of this holiday with you nonetheless.
All my best,
E.L.
Wow, thanks. I think.
lordy fantastics…I’m swamped over here! you people plan ahead next year! hailz yeah.
[...] Bitching no longer works, friend. Gone are the days I gripe about it. Does anybody remember Valentine’s Day? I sure as hell do. How long did it take me to get home from work. Four hours? Seven? Eighteen? [...]