Losanjealous 2006 Valentine’s Day Cards
Happy Valentine’s Day, fellow denizens. Daddy loves you all. I analyze your IP addresses, visitor paths and click-thrus every day, and find myself saying “God damn it. I love you. You’re clicking these pages and reading this garbage that arguably I wouldn’t even read and that’s so much digital love, when you think about it.”
It’s time to give back, and speaking of backs Losanjealous has yours. No need to take $2.50 to the Hallmark Gold Crown. No need to cough up the price of a skinny latte for a funny card featuring that crabby old lady smoking cigarettes. Presenting the Losanjealous 2006 Valentine’s Day Cards:
1) Right-click applicable image and save to your computer. Print image in color, if possible.
2) Using a scissors, clip along the red lines. You now have a card. Give it to that special someone.
3) If sending via USPS, affix proper postage. Consider glueing to posterboard.
4) Be mine?
I hope these cards work for you in some fashion. I spent a lot of time on them.
I would now like to briefly share my last three Valentine’s Days, as I just remembered them while making these wonderful(ly shitty) cards. Here we go!:
2005: Coughed up this gem for the girl i was dating at the time. Probably cooked dinner. May well have broken up with said girl on Valentine’s Day, I forget. Heartless son-of-a-bitch!
2004: Drank mimosas on the beach with the girl i was dating at the time. We filled canvases with cartoon bananas and the color black in my tiny studio in Venice. She couldn’t paint for shit. I wasn’t much better. Regardless, sometimes you really cannot beat a day of painting.
2003: Ate overpriced Indian food in Brentwood.
I will be taking requests for customized cards all day today. These will not be delivered until this evening, but they will be ready for delivery to your significant other before midnight PST. Send your headline requests to email@example.com.
Choose from the following background images:
-98cent Store, Melrose Hill (li’l armenia)
Damn I’m romantic.