The opacity of yesterday’s apparent “STAR MISSING” publicity stunt launched by That’s So Raven Disney actor Orlando Brown is rapidly clearing, and yet the “news” made CNN’s front page today. For this modern triumph of publicity, let us hereby declare April 24 National Orlando Brown Is No Longer Missing Day! Truly, for one brief moment we stopped reading about the fucking Democratic superdelegates, paused, wtf‘d and eventually read and reread (and reread again) the alluring and wholly believable tale of an apparent That’s So Raven actor and aspiring musician previously charged with marijuana possession in Houston (one fact CNN neglected to mention), who “disappeared” following a meeting with his manager in or around an undisclosed Studio City 7-11, and then promptly turned up a few hours later following some much-needed “alone” time. Says Brown of the incident:

“I have no further comments.”

Manager Ricky Romance: We Salute You! Publicist Elayne Rivers: We Salute You!

( AP | CNN | HuffPo | Celebitchy | People | Defamer | Wiki )

News comes from Eater today that a Mcdonald’s in Hacienda Heights has undergone the chain’s first transition (more to follow) into what they hope will now be a more relaxed, Feng Shui’d, Zen-like beef-and-cheese-purchase- inducing atmosphere, inside and out. To be sure, years of serving up beef and those beef-extract-inclusive french fries under the shadow of the Heights’ Hsi Lai (pictured), the nation’s largest Buddhist temple, have had a marked effect on the Hacienda’s hamburger-serving outpost. Mcdonald’s Corporation, bodhisattva to the world’s beef-eating masses if you will, has had a (presumed) longstanding tradition of operating under the Buddhist tenet The greatest quality is seeking to serve others (Atisha, 11th cen.) Let this then be further testament to the awakened purity of the Board of Directors’ collective selfless souls.

Related: My favorite Mcdonald’s site to date remains a true paean to the (Heights-inclusive) SG Valley: http://www.i-am-asian.com/

» Only in SoCal: The Country’s First Feng Shui McDonald’s (Eater)

»continue reading BY POPULAR DEMAND: High-Resolution Photos of The Grove™ Luxuriously Cushy Shade-Enabling Devices Offered iPhone Loiterers

LOSANJEALOUS (Losanjealous):: One of our hundred-dozen field reporters sends in these topical, in-the-moment photos of the items currently serving time on Sunset as they await Sir McCartney and Ms. Hilton, respectively….[WARNING: PARIS LOITERERS AFTER THE JUMP]


»continue reading BREAKING OPERATION CLUSTERFUCK UPDATE: Pianos, People Await Parisian-British Co-Invasion

1. Wild Donkey and Black Licorice
2. Durian Gray
3. Cookies ‘n Cream ‘n Sorrow
4. Ear
5. Baconwrapped Hot Dog
6. Baking Soda and Vinegar
7. PBR&J
8. Strawberry Sanchez with Sprinkles
9. Brown Beard
10. Dennehyberry

Scoops listens: add your flavor suggestions in comments below.

348pm
W2 Numero Uno. Here we go.
Now entering Box B: Employer Identification Number.
My Number: [redacted]

351pm
Superman II is on television. Hm.

352
Cracking beer.

353
Filling out Application for Automatic Extension To File U.S. Individual Income Tax Return Form 4868.

354pm
Done.

Above: Master of Ceremonies B. Fortuna keeps the crowd in stitches at the Kodak Theatre

I missed the Oscars last year due to being outside in nature. My mistake. This year I began preparing for the big event in advance. I turned the TV to HBO Zone West promptly at 3pm to follow all of the pre-Oscar action as it unfolded before my very eyes. Then I began liveblogging. Latest entries are at the bottom of the page. Refresh the page continually for the latest updates!

3pm
Holy shit why is Star Wars on. Kenobi just showed up and spooked the sandmen…

415pm
Fell fast asleep.

537pm
Woke up. The saga continues….

Too busy to list your own items on eBay? Then you definitely don’t have time to deal with an eBay reseller. Let Losanjealous sell your items through a third, fourth or fifth party service. Don’t delay, see for yourself why Losanjealous IS SELLING It on eBay!

	iSOLD It on eBay	We’ll SELL It on eBay	Losanjealous IS SELLING It on eBay
Uninspired Logo
Verb Tense	Past	Future Indicative	Present Progressive
LA Locations	3	2	Inaugural store groundbreaking ceremony Q2′07
Numerical explanation of how it works	It’s as easy as 1-2-3	It’s as simple as 1, 2, 3	YAY! JELL-O 1-2-3!
Amount you keep if item sells for $100	$57.75	$57.73	$5.77
Negative eBay Feedback Last 12 Months	56	47	ZERO!
# of items at press time	357	167	Operators are standing by

INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE END OF JANUARY PUZZLE

• Decipher the first 18 words below. E.g., if the clue is “LA Blogfather (8 letters)” you might eventually guess the word to be RODERICK. You would then attempt to find RODERICK in the puzzle.
• Find all 26 words before anybody else. Words may be horizontal, vertical, diagonal, but never, ever backwards.
• Contact me for your special prize. You will be asked to submit a completed puzzle.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a comprehensive staff directory.
»continue reading The End of January Puzzle

The delirium experienced in 100-degree-plus weather in the desert is pithy compared to the delirium I experienced when I read about this year’s Coachella lineup. Shedding their traditional “mecca-of-emo-rock-punk-rap-indie-alt-reggae-tools-that’s-only-a-little- temperately-cooler-than-burning-man,” Coachella organizers have done something truly original—they’ve brought it back, old school. I can’t think of any other way to share my excitement, and contain my excrement, than to just lay it all out on the line. Prepare to be blown away.
»continue reading One Coachelluva Lineup!

What the fuck is this shit?

Each week, the New Yorker provides a cartoon in need of a caption. Each week, Losanjealous submits the same entry. We have yet to win the contest. Feel free to comment with your own losing entries.

Congratulations to our TIED December 2006 Commenters of the Month, Jenn and Jeff. As the Losanjealous staff is “tied” up on a conference call with our Tokyo office at present, we asked them to kindly interview each other. Today: Jeff Interviews Jenn, avid commenter, traveller, city worker and indie rock fan.

Jeff: Have you seen the Big Lebowski yet?

Jenn: Nope, Jeff Bridges intimidates me. Besides if a movie is considered “great” or just overly popular I tend to wait awhile before watching it as a form of rebellion.I’ll put it on the pile that I save for rainy days (like Pulp Fiction).

Do you think that (like others) you will stop posting on Losanjealous now that you’ve won the commenter of the month award?
»continue reading Losanjealous’ December 2006 Commenter of the Month: TIE: Jenn and Jeff (Part Two)

Congratulations to our TIED December 2006 Commenters of the Month, Jenn and Jeff. As the Losanjealous staff is “tied” up on a conference call with our London office at present, we asked them to kindly interview each other. First up: Jenn Interviews Jeff, a New Jersey transplant who’s lived in Los Angeles for over six years. Jeff blogs at westolowski.com.

Jenn: How’d you end up in Losanjealous? As in who/what referred you and made you decide to stay and become a frequent visitor/commenter?

Jeff: I’m not sure, but I think I linked to Losanjealous one day through the now-defunct L.A. Alternative website. I stuck around for a couple of reasons. No. 1, I really like the name. No. 2, I enjoy the typically dry, sarcastic tone of the site. No. 3, I won tickets to a Bronx/400 Blows show back in August so now I’m stuck in this dreary fantasyland of entering ticket giveaway contests as though I’ll ever win another pair of tickets through Losanjealous again. No. 4, I’m still trying to figure out the Brian Dennehy obsession.

Which of your comments do you think helped you win this award?
»continue reading Losanjealous’ December 2006 Commenter of the Month: TIE: Jenn and Jeff (Part One)

Recently we reported that Norwood Young, proprietor and resident-in-chief of Hancock Park’s notorious Youngwood Court (also affectionately dubbed the House of David™s by city residents), will be prominently featured in an E! reality series titled “High Maintenance 90210.” Today, we offer tips as to how you may personally assist in the beautifying of the route to the fabled Hancock Park manse in the highest-maintenance-fashion possible. Behold: The Youngwood Court Route Beautification Project…
»continue reading The Youngwood Court Route Beautification Project

Victor has left the office for the night. This (thankfully) post from 8:28 p.m. will be his last ‘Last of ‘Last of 2006.’” Let us look back on it with the usual polite indifference.

You guys started early tonight, didn’t you? Better not leave any goddamned bottles on the server this year. -Ed.

It is T-minus 3 hours, 31 minutes and Ryan has gone offline and embarked on his voyage to 2007. Sadly, this will be the last of his ‘Last of 2006’s. Let us look back fondly on The ‘Last Runyon of 2006,’ posted at 6:49 p.m. today.