Residencies Are My Reason To Live
Tonight is the last night of The Pity Party’s Spaceland monday night residency. Where are my pills? I need them. I don’t know how I am going to get through this. My whole life has revolved around this residency since at least November of 07. And after tonight it will all be over. All the adoring fans who got in for free. All the reluctant merch people who kept shoddy track of our moving units. All the middle-aged men handing out business cards promoting their home studios– all that will be over!
And yet something will also be beginning: the future of a band who has already played its Spaceland residency. What can such a future hold? Air conditioned tour buses? Millions of dollars? Relatives coming out of the woodwork? Isolation and token attachment to trendy social causes? The Pity Party is SO ready for all that.
Where are my goddamn pills– I told you I need them NOW! No, these aren’t the fucking pills I asked you for! You think that hurt?! Wait till you feel my shoe against your fucking face, you useless fucking troglodyte! No, only ONE tea bag, not two! God, where do you people come from? (Please excuse my assistant. He doesn’t get paid nor does he exist, so it can get a little ugly sometimes.)
&As the daylight wanes on this 25th day of february, I reflect on all the really great RESIDENCY memories that fill me with simple human joy. Like the time– uh– the time we— hmmm. Maybe I should start drinking less at shows… Oh, there was that one time that I got sick and lost my voice. But that’s not really a happy memory. Or when that weird guy asked me if I learned my moves from stripping. Not that that’s such an off-base question: everyone knows the first thing they teach you at stripper school is how to play drums and keys simultaneously.
I want to take this moment to thank all the Hotties I picked up around town this month who showed up to see me play. You were rewarded. Those of you who didn’t bother (you know who you are) will burn in Hell. I want to thank Jennifer Tefft, Spaceland booker extraordinaire, for giving us the Month of Love. I want to thank America for freedom, and Sylvia for free drinks. I want to thank David Bowie for good ideas, and the state of the modern music industry for bad ideas. I want to thank all the really successful musicians I know for their Inspiring Misery. I’ll do it better than any of them. Fact. Oh, and I would like to thank LosAnjealous for letting me waste this precious space and your precious time, Reader.
But mostly I want to thank myself for my personal strength, fearlessness, ingenuity, and of course, profound humility.
Tonight at Spaceland we are joined by The Rolling Blackouts, the Secret Six, and Meho Plaza. Last chance to see The Pity Party free, suckas. After this, it’s gonna cost ya.