8:30am. Sandalwood Conference Room, Marina Del Rey Courtyard Marriott. DF and LaVerne Casagrande sit across a lacquered hardwood table in the midst of a heated tete-a-tete. Let’s listen in!

“Okay, LaVerne, if no one is trying to kill me, then what do you make of this letter I got yesterday?”

“DF, this is a coupon book offering ‘Killer discounts’ on geriatric toilietries. It’s not even addressed to you.”

“Wrong again, LaVerne. ‘Valued Customer’ is one of my many pseudonyms. Anyway, check out this mysterious note someone put under my door.”

“Hm… ‘OMG, DF! I M going 2 kil U!!! BRB!’ OK, so some fourteen year old is trying to freak you out. I still don’t understand why this means you can’t cover the Derby Dolls this weekend.”

“My God, LaVerne! March fifteenth? Caesar and Brutus? The Ides of March? Do I have to draw you a goddamned diagram?”

“Actually, that might be nice.”

DF draws diagram. The diagram features a snowman in an adorable top hat machine-gunning Osama bin Laden. After several spirited “U-S-A!” chants, DF and LaVerne resume their conversazione.

“Look, DF, I know you want to lay low this Saturday night to avoid assassination attempts, but death risk is part of working for the cultural monolith that is Losanjealous. You’re going to cover the Derby Dolls this weekend, and that’s final.”

Will the Ides of March spell doom for DF at the Doll Factory this weekend? There’s only one way to find out: hie ye hence to the Derby Dolls bout this Saturday eve (advance tix available here). Who knows, maybe the bloodthirsty assassin will be you!

Photo (C) 2008 by 3dsean. Do not use without owner’s permission.