Doing Business at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf

· by · in

In honor of the 45th anniversary of the Brentwood-founded Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, we have invited Burt Lear to blog from his office which he sets up daily inside the [LOCATION REDACTED] CBTL. –Ed.

CBTL August 29

Quit my job. (Faked my own death.) No one can know I’m self-employed until my business goes Fortune 500.

August 30

Finished reading The 4-Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss. Immediately hired Indian personal assistant with PhD in Interface Design. Only $10 per hour. (NOTE: Ask assistant to type a list of things to do while I sleep.)

September 3

Bought a MacBook Pro from a man six years my junior. His wife is pregnant. (Ad on Craigslist stood out. He did not try to return messages. Met at his job in Torrance, nice, honest guy. He is Chucky Cheese Elephant.)

September 4

Drove to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in [LOCATION REDACTED] to test Airport Modem. Free WiFi is good value.

September 5

At CBTL. Beautiful women pour in like hot lattes. CBTL superior to Starbucks in this regard…? Marina Del Rey area…? Unfortunately, in-store music folky, hackneyed. Left during Buffalo Springfield song. Lyrics and chords irritating, made everything smell bad, world felt hopeless, overcrowded, etc. Forgot headphones. Make note to bring them tomorrow.

September 6

WiFi, Email, cell — I have everything I need. Vow to make $70,000/month working at the [LOCATION REDACTED] CBTL, make Tim Ferriss proud. Personal assistant making me lists of people to call. Will keep her making lists until business model comes to me in dream.

September 7

Read circular in Sunday paper while at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Bug-lensed designer knock-off sunglasses now sold in five different shapes instead of two. Tide and Bactine utilizing sublimated sexual imagery. Detroit still impacted by poor economy, no sign of hydrogen fuel cell production en masse or other innovations. Google shares down by 20%. Weight of world problems makes life thin and empty. Took two aspirin. Employee asks if I would take please feet off one of the chairs. (Insulted. Was using it.)

September 9

Return to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Coffee only 63 cents because of “Our Birthday, Your Party,” 45th anniversary celebration. Feel strong burst of optimism, imagine myself dancing like witch doctor, people applauding. Decide to open a branch office in the store. Buy coffee and drape jacket over three chairs and two tables. Employees must keep quiet so long as I patron. Only tactical advantage. I am careful to buy one coffee at discount price every one-hundred fifty-minutes as to leverage office space. Will utilize outside tables as lobby. Must remember to disable built-in iChat camera as to conceal my location. Can’t tip off competition or jealous college scum. Have stopped recommending The 4-Hour Work Week to preserve trade secrets. Plan to have business cards that read “Burt Lear Now Doing Business At The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, [LOCATION REDACTED].” ([REDACTED] location increases visibility.)

To Be Continued…