The Stick Figure Family Window Decal Conjectures
Subject: Stick-figure family window decals (SFFWDs) appear in automobile rear windows all over Losanjealous. Fig. 1 (below) provides an archetypal illustration. SFFWDs invariably depict a series of stick figures arrayed from left to right in descending order of size. They bear identifying features and names that indicate either their family role (e.g., “Dad”, “Mom”); their actual name (e.g., “Roxy”); or some affectionately demeaning sobriquet (e.g., “Boogers”, “Alecheetos”). Some bear the legend “Our Family” over the stick figures in case the relationship between the figures was not obvious. A few include pets such as dogs in the grouping. Single-parent family variants are either nonexistent or so vanishingly rare that DF has yet to espy one.
Background: The back of the car is a popular situs of self-expression, as the longstanding ubiquity of the bumper sticker attests. Bumper stickers achieve expression through language’s denotative function. If you want to tell the wide world what you brake for, or how members of your profession “do it” (viz., fornicate), or about your antipathy for fat chicks, the bumper sticker provides a means of expressing these views with unparalleled parsimony.
The rear window of automobiles is a less frequent locus for self-identificatory novelties. On occasion, though, a particular tchotchke will seize the popular imagination and proliferate on rear windows like Pneumocystis jirovecii in an immunosupressed lung. The first, and likely still the most popular, such novelty was the yellow caution sign reading “Baby on Board”. In the mid- to late-1980s, who knows on how many occasions motorists were deterred from intentionally ramming vehicles upon learning that the targeted car housed an infant? The 1990s saw plush Garfields with suction-cup feet affixed to rear windows across America. This provided a way of telling your fellow man, “Look, here is the cartoon cat Garfield, right here in my rear window! Perhaps he thinks there is lasagna in the car!” In the early 2000s, cars began to sport demi-baseballs in their rear windows, with surrounding shatter decals suggesting (wrongly, one assumes) that a baseball had hit their car’s rear window, became embedded in it, and that the owner had left the carnage there for all to see (perhaps as cautionary example to drivers contemplating outdoor parking near sporting venues).
The SFFWD is thus not sui generis, but rather part of a proud tradition of adorning one’s vehicle with items that express one’s character or cultural preferences. Yet in contrast to the above examples, the mind balks when it seeks to parse the social meaning of the SFFWD. Hence:
Inquiry: What possesses the consumer of the SFFWD to acquire and display them? What is it that the SFFWD is meant to express?
Methodology: DF’s utter lack of any inkling in response to the foregoing inquiry requires that he proceed by positing various minimally plausible conjectures rather than asserting a single dominant theory. I do this in the hope that others will join the discussion and that, Wisdom of Crowds-style, we can come to some explicatory consensus. That said, I proffer six conjectures as to what SFFWD users seek to express:
Conjecture #1: “These are the members of my family.” This conjecture may seem a bit too obvious to be plausible; others need no enumeration of your relatives, and you already presumably know who they are. But consider the possibility that one or more family members may suffer from early-onset Alzheimer’s, or that they simply have an unusually faulty memory. In these cases, the SFFWD functions as a failsafe mechanism, a visually evocative checklist so that you don’t leave anyone out when assembling your brood for transport.
Conjecture #2: “I am (we are) fertile.” The pride expressed by octo-mom Nadya Suleman over her litter of drug-induced babies reveals that however horrifically unwise a move it may have been to bring children seven through fourteen into her undercapitalized world, it remains for her an enormous source of pride (and, obv., celebrity). And the relative paucity of SFFWDs featuring a single child suggests that they are favored by those with larger broods. Hence SFFWDs may represent an effort to evidence one’s fecundity to the world.
Conjecture #3: “We are thin.” It bears notice that the families in SFFWDs are stick-figures. In a body-image-obsessed society, this choice of avatar cannot be accidental. In the absence of a single decal featuring a rotund member, it is entirely plausible that these stickers are purchased only by the svelte as a means of lording over others the speed of their metabolisms and the stick-to-it-ive-ness of their dieting skillz. Related, SFFWDs may express an aspiration, as where a family of fatties is reminded of how slim they yearn to be, so there’s a deterrent the next time they try to squeeze into the car for another trip to Sprinkles Cupcakes.
Conjecture #4: “I hate (one of) you.” It is virtually impossible to imagine that the SFFWD in figure #1 was designed and/or acquired by Boogers (or, for that matter, by Alecheetos). More likely, one surmises that it was conceived by Roxy, as a means of humiliating her sibling, either in an uncomplexly mean-spirited way, or in a more subtle but no less cruel spirit of tagging others with playful but demeaning monikers as a way of establishing dominance over them (cf. Bush II’s constant use of locker-room-style nicknames to reporters and even fellow heads of state). This theory would explain only the subset of SFFWDs that feature overtly insulting nicknames.
Conjecture #5: “Keep your distance.” Just as Baby On Board signs were ostensibly aimed at increasing safety (at least for those with infants), perhaps the stick-figure-family decals are a way (and a more understated one) of getting fellow motorists to be cautious in their presence. The phrase “Caution: Nuclear Family On Board” would likely fit on a sign or bumper sticker, but such a clear implication that members of nuclear families merit more automotive caution than all others would be a bit sticky, even in Orange County.
Conjecture #6: “I am like others.” It takes little time living on planet earth to realize that most people would stick a hot poker up their ass if it was the style of the time. This final conjecture is that the SFFWD is explicable through no more than plain, old-fashioned and uncritical groupthink. This is the most testable of the hypotheses; one could, for example, merely tell people that the latest automotive style trend was to replace their hood ornament with a coiled piece of dog defecation and see how long it took before the trend caught fire.
Directions for future research: In contrast to earlier social inquiries, DF finds himself without a bold conclusion. Neither opinions on the preference order of these theories nor the articulation of new ones are unwelcome.
As a reformed kidnapper, the easiest targets were those who had their names stitched onto their little shirts.
“Hey (reading shirt)… Leonard.”
These decals really come in handy when a child is left in the car, while mom runs inside CVS for some Parliaments and a 5 hour Energy.
THANKS SFFWD !
I honestly have no idea why or where people get those things. Maybe someone should ask them… you know, the direct approach. Are they sold at church fundraisers or something, maybe to promote “family values”? That would explain why I’ve never seen them sold anywhere.
Living in LA I can happily say that I have never experienced the sight of “truck balls” in the wild, but only through pictures on the Internet. If I did see them it would be a safe indicator to keep my distance since they could possibly be contagious.
Great article. I cant stand the SFFWDs. I think they are just stupid. I mean its great that you have a family and all but come on who cares. Its even worse when they add their pets!
OY!
I suspect something neither sinister nor sheep-related, but more the desire for order amid the sea of chaos, the sea being our city streets. (Adding some nod to a form of worship, a disciple fish, anti-fish, Calvin bowing to the cross, Calvin pissing on a Ford, “No Fear” or any similar number of authoritarian or anti-authoritarian declarations or symbols in plain white line art to the rear window accomplishes basically the same thing.) In this instance the driver declares a heirarchy, or “declaration of order” loosely based on height (there must be a yardstick; height seems a natural). Call it blatant sheep-herding mentality, fair enough, but it is a fact the family will happily – nay, proudly – admit, and the decal becomes a declaration of order, reinforced visually every day this car is in use.
It may further be argued that these particular SFFWD brandishers are, whether knowingly or not, aping the overall vibe of your garden varietal community-stirring, heirarchical-based yet pride-suffused event booking list announcement, most of which are now more or less aligned with the yearly Coachella “family” poster, if you will. With that in mind strictly from a typographical perspective, it would appear that for this year’s lineup as pictured above Dad and Mom are the headliners, Alecheetos (aka WRINKLYPANTS) being your sort of smaller DJ-in-the-tent act and MIMA, natch, very possibly a late-hour Sunday addition. Once we introduce everybody’s favorite SAT algorithm and side-by-side the photograph with this year’s Coachella poster, the acts in question more or less align thusly:
I have had this insane conversation with my colleagues many times. You’re spot on with all of it… but my biggest question is – WHO CARES?!? Wait, obviously the driver wants us to think THEY do…
These things always remind me of how fighter pilots would stencil a picture of a little plane on their plane for each “kill” they had.
http://digg.com/comedy/Octo_Mom_car_window_stickers
These stickers are obnoxious, almost as bad as “Powered by Mexican” (as if the bad paint job, blasting cumbia music, and body work wasn’t a clue, and I’m Mexican-American)
Does anyone really care that you don’t practice birth control?
These things creep me right out because I always think “you’re just advertising to paedophiles.” That said, I have seen single parent family ones and even a few lesbian couples.
The best? This SUV detailed in Laker colors with the Lakers logo and SFFWD of the Lakers with a NO symbol over Shaq. HILARIOUS.
Oh, I’ve also seen those ‘truck ball’ things on cars here in town (in Los Feliz) and I think anyone that would own those is just a worthless human being. Sorry, they’re just horrible.
I am waiting for my decal where it has me in a pimp hat with my stable of hoe’s after it…Strawberry, Blondie, Kandy, Juicy and Amy
I’ve seen these things being sold at the county fair, right between the “old fashioned photo booth” and the waterless cook pots (“and when the smoke alarm goes off, it’s done!”)
I think people buy them on a whim and put them on their cars so that next time they come to the fair, they can find them in the parking lot among the several thousand other Foresters and SUVs.. The scary part is, there are probably TWO families out there with the names Mike, Jennifer, Brittany, Dustin, and Isabel (dog is a chocolate lab named Coco). And if they have the same champagne beige SUV with rear DVD player and sun roof? And the same stickers? The universe explodes as matter and antimatter collide! Thank GOD for license plates and fingerprints.
All I can say is wow. I came across this site merely by accident and I must say that I am shocked to see so many people who are disgusted with stickers. Do any of you have tattoos or body piercings? Some think those are obnoxious or uncalled for. I don’t have stickers or know of any people close to me who do. The fact that other use stickers, truck balls, or even decide to tint their windows….I am quite sure that they are all very upset and may even loose sleep, knowing that most of you don’t approve!
People have real problems, I came across this website by accident and started reading all these crazy replies. There are bigger things happening in the world and people want to bitch about what other people have on their cars. Granted it may be tacky and you may not like it but WHO CARES. I do not have one of these but maybe i should get them just to piss the world off! grow up and get over yourself.
As for the whole child abduction thing that is just a lame excuse that it is a easy target! anyone can look in a car and see that there is a child in the car without a parent it doesnt take a sticker to figure this out.
get a life
Well, I actually stumbled on this looking for online places to order them. My intended communication is, “forgive me for owning a minivan, but I’ve got this many kids. I know it’s a nerdy vehicle, so I’m embracing the stereotype.” In the course of a year, I went from completely single to the married step dad of two teenagers and the actual dad of two infant twins.
The last 3 replies seem remarkably similar.
I think an obvious fact would be that people who opt to place these on their car gain some positive utility from it, since they are 1) unlikely to be permanent; and 2) they were not generally sold at Wal-Mart, making the acquisition a negative time cost. Kevin’s comment proves #2, since he was unsuccessful at purchasing them at the state fair or his mini-van conventions. The permanency is arguable, I suppose, but at worst, you could replace the back windshield.
where do u get those ? or what website(: please help.