Prologue. Marina Del Rey CourtYard Marriott, Sandalwood Conference Room. We start in the midst of a heated tete-a-tete between Losanjealous jefe LaVerne Casagrande and mercurial writer DF.

LC: Well, what if we sweetened the deal by offering you a coupon for thirty-five cents off a Tommy’s chiliburger?

Yea, Lords and Ladies of the merrie village of Los Angeles! Let the Bard DF tell you a tale! Tis a tale of brave wheeled damsels who wage battle at yon Doll Factory. Hardy of spirit and fleet of skate, these ladies circumnavigate ye olde banked track, laughing the face of Dame Fortune (and her irascible cousin, Lady Brokenleg, who DF found to be a real bitch) in search of glory, fame, and sweet, sweet victory. Read on, and you shall hear the story of a bout so scintillating that ‘twould cause even the stoutest knight to defecate in his suit of armor, and the veil of the daintiest maiden to burst into flames and reduce her to a naught but a heap of ash.

»continue reading DF Sells Out: LA Derby Dolls Championship Bout @ the Doll Factory, 12/5/09

I warned you guys I was going to show up early Saturday…

Woe To The Dick-Laden Who Knoweth Not The Words! Before launching into her (still somewhat obscure, Coachella tent or no) classic “Fucking Boyfriend” ditty just shy of 1pm Saturday, Inara George, resident “bird” of The Bird and The Bee, vociferously threatened to “dick-slap” anyone in the Mojave tent found guilty of failing to sing along with the number. Fortunately for all present, she didn’t feel the need to deliver on the promise.

Prior to CoachellaDickSlapThreat08, all of the women on stage sported super-soaker water pistols, shiny red clown noses and suspiciously Pipettes-vamping bunched polka-dotty skirts. (They lost the noses after one number but kept the rest.) Fine. I suppose I could get into the look so long as you give me Inara’s vox at the end of the day. A few numbers into the set, “Again and Again” got the few remaining loungers on their feet, reminding them not only why they came to the desert (and, more specifically this tent at 1230pm Saturday), but also that it was officially half-past coffee hour and arguably time for that first cocktail. All in all, The Bird and The Bee provided an ideal start for day two. Sans extras, the duo (George, with sunglasses-shielded keyboardist Greg Kurstin) closed the set with a rousing singalong of “How Deep Is Your Love” by the Bee Gees, Inara’s angelic voice absolutely melting the crowd’s hearts just before the desert sun got the opportunity to do same for the next eight-or-so hours.

» The Bird and the Bee (Myspace)