On the LAm: Vanessa Etourneau

By Ron - Thursday October 27th 2005

On the LAm Name: Vanessa Etourneau
Height: 5′ 9″
Weight: 125 pounds
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Hazel
Wanted For: Grand Theft Property

Forget the LAPD’s Most Wanted List. Vanessa Etourneau just made my most wanted list. She speaks six languages, dresses sharply and has excellent penmanship (as evidenced by check forgery to the tune of $136K). What’s not to like? Oh yeah, she might steal my shit and skip town.

When Vanessa is caught she will reinforce my stereotype, built from years of movie watching, that all female prisoners are total hotties who take showers all day when they aren’t getting into topless catfights or being mistreated by a corrupt lesbian warden. And of course, a wrongly-imprisoned hottie will eventually orchestrate a dramatic jailbreak (somehow leveraging Vanessa’s language and forgery skills), but not before giving the warden a taste of her own medicine.

More info from the LAPD

What now?

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14 Responses to “On the LAm: Vanessa Etourneau”

kristine : 10/27/05 at 1:41 pm

her last name sounds strikingly similar to the teacher that married her student.
Ron : 10/27/05 at 2:22 pm

Nice catch, Kristine. I believe the french work “etourneau” roughly translates to “shady bird” (which would make Letourneau “the shady bird”).
quinn : 10/27/05 at 5:49 pm

how old is this “wanted” poster? it says she is 26, but that she was born in 1972. it seems like all the posts on the lapdonline site are from the mid- or late-nineties.
Ron : 10/27/05 at 6:21 pm

The ages are calculated at the date of the crime. So Vanessa’s actually 32 now. Which means the LAPD hasn’t been able to find her for 6 years.
Amy Alkon : 10/28/05 at 2:02 am

How hard can it be to find this woman? She frequents these areas? As in, she’s still in town? If I had the time, I’d track her down as part of my detective hobby. I’ve already caught one car thief (no thanks to the LAPD), tormented him into starting to pay me restitution, and caught and prosecuted my hit-and-run driver, no thanks to the Santa Monica PD. Neither case took great genius to crack, just interest and persistence.
Yiedyer : 10/28/05 at 12:31 pm

This lady is long gone. The info is old, her crime is old. She’s hot.
c : 10/29/05 at 12:42 pm

that’s very funny, man. if you have any spare moments for your lady readers, maybe you could share wanted posters for some hot males on the run:)
peace
Ron : 10/29/05 at 8:20 pm

Stay tuned for our all-male hot fugitive revue, c.
Brian : 10/30/05 at 11:29 am

The telling stats for me are 5′9″ and 125 pounds (!). In other words, the reason she hasn’t been caught yet is that she’s a stick figure who can blend in perfectly with all the other non-fat latte carrying, yoga mat slinging, trade paper highlighting wannabe gals in L.A.
Ron : 10/31/05 at 8:24 am

It’s true–she’s a chameleon in this town. Interestingly, one of her aliases is listed in the credits of 1996 blockbuster The Pillow Book.
lsifer : 10/31/05 at 12:19 pm

the pillow book was a blockbuster?
c : 10/31/05 at 8:24 pm

“Stay tuned for our all-male hot fugitive revue, c.”

ha ha.
sweet.
phil s wolf : 9/15/07 at 8:23 am

…i don’t want to spoil your fun – Vanessa certainly is hot, but not in the manner that would suit your fantasies…she’s a beautiful, vulnerable and sensitive young woman, now living a normal life and and fearing very much that her misguided past will eventually catch up with her…she’s no Bonnie and Clyde material so please wish her the best, as i do …so V., whatever happens, you know who i am…faithfully yours P.
N/A : 2/1/09 at 10:04 pm

Where is she now?

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On the LAm: Vanessa Etourneau

What now?

14 Responses to “On the LAm: Vanessa Etourneau”

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