On the LAm: Vanessa Etourneau
Name: Vanessa Etourneau
Height: 5’ 9″
Weight: 125 pounds
Wanted For: Grand Theft Property
Forget the LAPD’s Most Wanted List. Vanessa Etourneau just made my most wanted list. She speaks six languages, dresses sharply and has excellent penmanship (as evidenced by check forgery to the tune of $136K). What’s not to like? Oh yeah, she might steal my shit and skip town.
When Vanessa is caught she will reinforce my stereotype, built from years of movie watching, that all female prisoners are total hotties who take showers all day when they aren’t getting into topless catfights or being mistreated by a corrupt lesbian warden. And of course, a wrongly-imprisoned hottie will eventually orchestrate a dramatic jailbreak (somehow leveraging Vanessa’s language and forgery skills), but not before giving the warden a taste of her own medicine.