Celebrity Skank To Make Area Appearance

Long a tragic joke in metropolitan hubs across the world, Paris Hilton is taking to the ‘burbs in order to peddle her brand of stink water. She makes an appearance at Robinsons-May in Montebello today, Thursday 2/9. Those attendees purchasing not one, but two, of her fragrances (totaling about $100 of merch) will have the privilege of meeting her and getting her autograph, which currently fetches up to $5 on eBay.

The intent here no doubt is to market to ethnically diverse, middle class communities, selling them the socialite’s image, the wealth, the fame. Buy a piece of the dream! Or the smell of it at least. But the whole blonde-haired-blue-eyed-clubgoing-millionaire-heiress shtick isn’t flying with an increasingly media-savvy, heritage-conscientious young Latino community. Paris and her marketing goons are in for a rude awakening. The target market sees her for what she is, and has several choice words for it in English, Spanish or, even better, some poetic combination thereof.

Add to this news of her fresh restraining order in which Paris, in addition to threatening his life, is quoted as calling the complainant a “lazy Mexican” and you have the makings of a disastrous appearance in Montebello, a town that is lousy with them damn lazy Mexicans.

Don’t let us down, Montebello. Let her know you are not buying what she is selling, perfumes or otherwise. Remember the record store signing scene in Spinal Tap? How great would a repeat of that be–leaving her sitting there at a sad folding table, bodyguard goons on either side, as she txts obliviously on her Sidekick for the whole 2 hours. Just wait a few months and you’ll be able to buy her crap in 99 Cent Stores as gag gifts anyhow.