Starry ‘Duz Traffikk Kou7t
This may surprise you my Starrlings but some people at traffic court, not all of them, but some them. . .have maaaaaaaad style!!!
So you may be wondering why I’m here. K. I was out with my palz Scott Gay-o, Ryann SeKrets, Jarryd Stilleto and Tom Skrewz at the Cha-Cha lounge (if this be dyke heaven then Starry wants 2 convert). One mojito led to another and somehow your Starry ran a few red lightz on the way to the ladeeezz room! Between u and Starry: I pissed on my steering wheel!!!
Which brings us to downtown. . .DOWNtown. . .when ur alone, and you don’t have a job, and you also have traffic ticketz. . .DOWNTOWN! And this place: it looks like the crashed Tran5former spaceship. If they had crashed in 1972 on a mission from Fire Island. But anyway anyway, what I am saying is that here of all places, there are people here who are scoring style p9ints! Well me for one of course, I wanted to look the part, blend in with the foreground: burlap skirt, peasant top (bear with me), drapey pashmina, pearls, middle-parted hair combed tightly in braids. I may not be free to go but I’m definitely Frida Kahlo!!!! jA jA Ja jA Ja j3 AY K RIKO!!!
But no seriously, Starry wuz gettin inspired. The next time she wears a denim bolero jacket and high-wasted bellbottoms in matching distressed wash, DO NOT BE SHOCKED starrlings to find a brocade cockatoo and jungle vines adorning the entire left leg. It is not outside the realm. And she might have thought twice before pairing a crochet sweater with a faux-crocodile print skirt. . .but that was yesterday, and Starryzz iz all bout’s evolvulution. Moztly it’s just inspiring to see so many people able find a babysitter on a Wenzday afternoon!
Then there was the judge part. I didn’t like him. He looked like one of those carved turnips. He said, Do I want to proceed to trial? So Starry said, For what? Crimes against bad taste? Ms. Knightz shall always plead no contest! And Judgey said, You are being arraigned for a traffic violation Ms. Knightz, do you want to make a plea or proceed to trial? Starry wuz already getting 3ored and konfused. At which point she turns to the arts of seduction. I casually let my shawl slip down my alabaster shoulder and whisper, What are my optionsss? Judgey leans forward and says, you can make a plea or proceed to trial. Mercy me you could have cut the tension with scissors! So, I respond–the entire courtroom hanging on my sinuous phrasing and earthy radiance–my choices are between. . . .
“I’ll take that as a guilty plea, thank you for your candor Ms. Knightz” he says before I even let a French-tipped nail hang seductively on my lower lip!!! (That’z right French tips and burlap wut???) Sighz. $5 fine+$300 court costs=Starry won’t be eating for two months. In other words. . .the dayz to dayz of Starry Knightz. . . .
In the meantyme, enjoy some new entreez in my online 8ictio3ar7!!!
MUSCLE PUMPKIN (mus*ul pump*kin)(n.): a guy whose excessive muscles and sunless tanning product make him look round and orange.
“This muscle pumpkin comes up to me at the gym and asks if he can work in with me. When he opened his mouth he sounded like Liza Minelli. I almost died.”
PLANTS (*plants*)(n.): breast implants