In Praise Of Lucha VaVoom

’LuchaSo, what are you doing tonight? Well my friend, you need to cancel it. You need to cancel it and head down to the Mayan Theater on Hill Street to see if the box office still has a few tickets left for tonight or tomorrow night’s LUCHA VA VOOM. You already missed the opening show last night, with the historic birth of the MINI CHICKEN. But there’s still time to see the Mini Chicken wrestle Los Coyotes and to see asstastic burlesque dancers like MICHELLE L’AMOUR.

This is Lucha Va Voom’s 15th – its Quinceanera. The show opened with buxom beauty wearing a virginal white Quinceanera dress, which is slowly stripped away to reveal a body you won’t even believe you are seeing. She did a hula-hoop performance that astounded and amazed (Can you spin a hula-hoop on your shoulder blade? I personally cannot.). In the ring next was the merkin-wearing Dirty Sanchez who was repeatedly pants-ed. Next up was the ALL GIRL BATTLE ROYALE match, which was pretty sleepy and made for a good time to head to the bar for another margarita. The headliner match was “Psychedelic wonder” Sicodelico, Jr. taking on Chupacabras and Rey Scorpian, which felt about as old school lucha as it gets. But the highlight of the show was definitely the birth of the MINI CHICKEN. The audience was treated to a video of the Crazy Chicken wrestlers enjoying a night of debauchery, which spawned a giant egg on stage left. The MINI CHICKEN emerges and gay midget vs. chicken midget wrestling ensues. Screw Vince McMahon, these people know how to do wrestling right.

Conspicuously missing from the better half of the “sexo y violencia” was the statuesque burlesque dancer, Kitten De Ville, who was a fixture for many years. She left Lucha Va Voom, and none of the dancers now are even close to her sexpot standards. Michelle L’Amour does a fantastic act, if only because you can’t even believe that someone with a such a big ass and cellulite would shake it so proudly. But the sexo is lacking a bit this year.

Anyway, I don’t know, maybe it’s too late for you. Tickets are no longer for sale online but purportedly there are some at the box office before the show tonight and tomorrow night. You need to go down there and try to get tickets. I’m serious.