Losanjealous readers often write to DF with painful and difficult problems in their personal lives. “Should I stay with my spouse?” “Will I ever be happy?” “Is my life worth living?” My answer to all of these queries is simple: obviously not. Well, after much unpleasantness, including a couple really nasty wrongful death lawsuits, I’ve come to realize that perhaps DF’s unflinching-honesty-for-the-masses approach does not make him the best font of wisdom.

“My God,” you’re doubtlessly wondering, “Who then will we contact when we need to know how to conduct our lives?” This is a legitimate concern, but fear not: after extensive negotiations, the L.A. Derby Dolls have come on board as advice columnistas in our all-new Q&A feature, Ask a Derby Doll.™

The inaugural edition of Ask a Derby Doll features the lovely and talented Markie D. Sod for your question-answering and advice-giving pleasure. Markie is a blocker for the LADD’s still-undefeated Tough Cookies. What’s more, she brings a perspective that is expert, as well as brutal: Markie not only mows down opposing jammers on the banked track, but holds a doctoral degree in human sexuality as well (seriously).

The doctor, dear readers, is in. Send all desperate questions and lovelorn inquiries to df@losanjealous.com, and I will forward the choicest (and/or least grotesquely tasteless) of them along to our Doll du jour. Watch this space in a week’s time for Markie’s hard-hitting yet heart-savvy advice.