DF Visits All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion @ Dodger Stadium: A Reader Responds

A few weeks ago on this site, a self-styled “gonzo journalist” named DF wrote a feature about his experience at the all-you-can-eat pavilion (AYCEP) at Dodger Stadium. DF seems to think it there’s something amusing about seeing how many hot dogs he can cram down during a single baseball game.

Neither DF nor anyone on the Losanjealous editorial board appears to have considered for a second the stomach’s point of view in this matter. Sure, it’s all well and good for DF to wash down six Dodger Dogs with a gallon of Diet Coke, but that’s not where the story ends. I had to spend that whole afternoon and evening struggling to manage that mess of poorly chewed pseudo-meats amid a veritable sea of carbonated soda chemicals. Doesn’t seem so funny now, does it? In fact, it was horrible.

And I’m not speaking only on my behalf. DF’s poor liver—already overworked from the guy’s well-known love for booze—had an awful time filtering out the countless impurities present in DF’s ballpark gorge-fest. His pancreas and spleen, both very dear friends of mine, virtually shut down trying to negotiate all that garbage. And as for DF’s colon? Doing two sessions of therapy a week just to cope with the trauma inflicted by the incident. Ha freaking ha, DF. You jerk.

Worse still, this isn’t an isolated incident. The popularity of eating contests is on the rise, and ESPN even televises the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island, as though it’s wholesome family entertainment. But the next time you read about an overeating exploit like DF’s, or see one of those terrible contests on TV, maybe you should think for just a second about all the stomachs and other internal organs like me who are silently but tragically harmed in the process. Thank you.