How DF Spent
Summer Vacation Hiatus: an LADD bout preview
Alas, summer 2010 is drawing to a close in Losanjealous. You can tell from the oppressive suffocating heat and the leaves beginning to take their seasonal turn from green to … slightly less green. And since readers have been pelting me constantly with emails about this, allow me to disclose that DF has had a typically robust and fruitful summer. Why, here’s my list of summer 2010 goals:
1. Acquire pet monkey, train it to give everyone the finger. Done.
2. Visit Malawi and tell President Binga wa Mutharika just what I think of his retrograde agriculture-subsidy policies. Achieved.
3. Emerge dominant in local competitive-belching circuit. Success.
4. Travel to Mitteleuropa, attend the famed Liechtensteiner Spaetzli-Faescht in the company of a midget, hobo, and/or midget hobo. Check and double check.
And yet there is something missing. There is a growing, gnawing pang inside. Initially, I assumed it was acute nausea thanks to eating that sardine grinder with extra A1 sauce. But even hours (and some truly world-class bazooka-barfing sessions) later, it is still with me. Aha! It’s the ache of unfinished business–of a task yet to be completed. Indeed, here’s the last item on DF’s summer to-do list:
5. Attend, observe, and get spectacularly inebriated at, roller derby bout. UNFINISHED.
But thank God, Jesus, Baby Jesus, Allah, and affiliated deities that there’s still time to achieve this final goal of the season! For the lovely ladies of the LA Derby Dolls have completed their hiatus, and there is a bout this very Sat eve, August 28, at the Doll Factory twixt the Sirens (1-1) and the two-time defending champion Tough Cookies (2-0). Stakes is high: A Cookies win puts them within spittin’ distance of another Champs berth, while a Sireens victory would launch them into the league lead instead. Get yer tixes ASAP, and join DF, LADD, and their merrie band of followers as we bring summer 2010 to an apolocalyptically spectacular conclusion.
In the unlikely event that you were left unconvinced by the foregoing, observe this amusing video preview of the Sirens/TCs bout. You are also welcome to follow DF on twitter, though be warned that most of the tweets are breathtaking in their sheer tastelessness.
Photo by Sir Clicks-A-Lot. (c) 2010 by LA Derby Dolls. All rights reserved.