Above: Re-enactment soundstage. Professional actors. This is not ‘Samosa Mel’

When my mother found out I had finally taken the plunge and waxed my underarms and legs, her first question was, “Who did you go to?” When I told her I’d gone to the lady that works in the back of my local nail parlor, she was less than approving. The leg hairs ARE going a bit unevenly, but I’ve heard this is to be expected. When the conversation moved to bikini waxing, she told me that there is only one place in town to go: Sylvia at Sweet Dreams on Ventura Blvd. According to her, it’s the best ‘Brazilian’ in town.

I have avoided waxing this particular area for a few reasons. First of all, it’s a sensitive area. Slathering wax on one’s outer labia and yanking out all the hair doesn’t sound like a good time. Secondly, I don’t care for the look of a waxed crotch–it sort of creeps me out. Aesthetically, I am a strong supporter of the “70’s bush”.

There is one reason for waxing that I find rather compelling…hygiene. I’ve been told that the ‘Brazilian’–removing ALL the hair from ‘down there’– leaves you feeling unbelievably clean. Now, I am a bit of a clean freak and I’m a sucker for any product that claims to freshen my linens, kill germs anywhere and everywhere, remove odors from my carpet or pull pollution from my pores. Keeping a tidy snatch seems logical enough.
»continue reading Sweet Dreams: Wax On, Wax Off

When Ryan passed along information about “Whipped”– a variety show inspired by love, lust and edibles–I jumped at the chance to see it. After all, the only book on my shelf more worn than Julia Child’s “French Cooking” is Pat Califia’s “Macho Sluts”!

“Whipped!” is part of the ongoing “After Dark” series at the Celebration Theater, which promises to be an ever-evolving show of “burlesque, juggling, improvisation and kinky performance art”. Currently featured is Domina Jane Die performing excerpts from her show, “The Lonely Domme”, a musical tale of one lonely dominatrix and her quest to find love.

I had envisioned something different when I read that LauraLea Oliver shakes her stuff in a “baking burlesque” performance…batter coated dancers or something. I was disappointed that there was no actual baking, not even a *poof!* of flour.

My favorite part of the show was the juggler, Lindsay Benner. I can’t say I’ve ever been too excited over a juggling act, but she is adorable and impressive to watch. She not only manages to make juggling look ridiculously endearing but beautiful.

The entire show is brought you by the one and only “Betty Cocker”, who is all too eager to share with you the trials and tribulations of living with a sugar addiction. She’s even written poems about it.

While “Whipped!” wasn’t exactly what I expected, it was enjoyable. See it fast, though, the last show is tonight!

“Whipped!”
Celebration Theater (323) 957-1884
7051-B Santa Monica Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca
Show at 11 pm, tickets are $10

“NOLAN!”

The founder of Atari and Chuck E. Cheese glances over at us, somewhat incredulously.

“Nolan, c’mere, c’mere!” We are so excited…not ten minutes earlier, we were interrogating our “runner” about Nolan Bushnell: How often is he in? Is he coming in tonight? Is he cool?

And there he is. He smiles broadly and walks over to the table. We all start stammering and gushing, I grab him and ask him if he’d kindly pose for a picture with me. He agrees, even sits with us for a while and talks about his newest venture, uWink.

uWink is a self described “Media Bar”, the first of a grand global project. Tables are equipped with touch screen monitors for ordering up drinks, food and games. Nolan Bushnell hopes to network all the franchises once they are established, enabling the customer to play against customers on the other side of the globe.
»continue reading A Night at uWink

I love sandwiches. If I were stranded on a desert isle, I’d want sandwich fixin’s with me. Sometimes, I fantasize about having my own little sandwich shop–but I’d be hard-pressed to make an offering more satisfying than those at Santoro’s in Burbank!

It’s just a damn fine sandwich!!

Left: TurkeyLurkey with EVERYTHING (turkey, cheese, mustard, mayo, oil, chopped onion, diced tomato, pickle and herb vinaigrette)
Right: Meatball & Cheese

Santoro’s Submarine Sandwich
1423 W Burbank Blvd, Burbank, CA
(818) 848-8888

Ryan,

I regret to inform you that I will be unable to complete my assignment this week. I visited “Noah’s Ark” in Van Nuys, as promised, but there is just nothing much to say about it. Nothing good, anyway. Also, God drained my camera battery upon entering this place, so the attached pics were taken with my camera phone.

Let me start off by saying that I really, really wanted to like this place. I had envisioned a restaurant full of religious images, possibly of tragic stuffed animals crammed two-by-two into ark stables. I wanted kitsch or deadpanned devotion. I got…blah. The decor is a hodge-podge of “country chic”, Spanish monasteries and party-rental furniture. Each table is graced with a Chinese-styled vase and dying flowers. The place DOES have a mural depicting Noah and a line of ark passengers, but it’s mostly an expanse of grey…perhaps to convey the grim circumstances under which the ark was built. In retrospect, that mural prophesied my bleak meal to come.

It’s 8:00 p.m. on a Friday and the place is empty. There is one other table of two, but they don’t appear to be eating. One of the employees has set up camp on another table and is deep into a game of Monopoly on her laptop. The music playing reminds me of a Mexican gay disco circa 1990. I choose a table in the center of the room, in order to take in whatever excitement jumps off any…minute…now.

»continue reading Noah’s Ark: A Sinking Feeling

Until recently, there was a questionable establishment next door to Orochon. I have never tried to confirm this information, but word is there was a happening brothel in there. Alas, it has closed, and people-watching at this location just isn’t the same.

More info @ http://www.orochonramen.com/

On the corner of Tujunga and Moorpark sits a small and unassuming taco stand named Henry’s Tacos. The stand is busy and I use the wait time to scope what everyone is eating at the nearby tables. The menu is small, and it seems there is no favorite item in this crowd. I order through a small screen window [photo]–a taco burger with everything, a hard taco, a diet coke–and my food quickly slides out on a tray, all wrapped up in neat parcels of paper.

At my table, I eagerly unwrap the taco burger first. Here, on a grease-stained piece of parchment paper, is the reason I love Southern California. This shotgun marriage of the United States and Mexico consists of seasoned ground beef, shredded lettuce, grated cheddar cheese, hot sauce and mustard on a soft hamburger bun. I fall in love at first bite.
The taco is more of that same ground beef, a slice of tomato, shredded lettuce and cheese in a yellow corn shell. It reminds me of grade-school lunch, somewhat comforting as I mull over Robert Blake blasting his wife a block south of here at Vitello’s.

Still riding high on my taco burger-inspired feeling of patriotism, I go up to the window to order more food. I get the homemade chili, a burrito and a tostado[sic]. It is at this time that I realize that the only meat offered on the menu is that same ground beef. The tostado [photo] is the sole vegetarian offering, but I am assured beef can be added upon request. The burrito is delicious, and packed with beans, rice and beef. The chili is bean-free and is terrific drizzled on top of the tostado, once again reinforcing the “melting pot” vibe here at Henry’s Tacos. For those who worry that the traditional foods offered here are no longer “authentic”, let me remind you that fusion cuisine is the sum of two parts, the product being something new to appreciate.

I have decided that Henry’s Tacos, which has been serving up American pride since 1961, is a testament to the entire United States. To snub the taco burger is to spit on the foundation of our diverse heritage. For a mere $2.95, the cost of a taco burger with cheese, a sense of community is attained. And for just $17 more, you can announce to the world your love of ground beef and cultural diversity in the form of a Hanes Beefy-T shirt.

God Bless the Taco Burger!

Henry’s Tacos
11401 Moorpark St
North Hollywood, CA 91602
(818) 769-0343

My first assignment for losanjealous sounded easy enough: Review Magee’s Donuts on Santa Monica Blvd, and don’t forget the input of the ever-present trannies out front. Easy enough! …Right?

It was recommended that I set out early, and I’m on my way to the shop at 7:30 am. I’m a little apprehensive about interviewing a tranny sex worker so early in the morning, as generally one who has been out all night is not usually in the best of sorts by the time the sun has come up. Visions of an article laden with descriptions of a hair-pulling fight out in front of Magee’s are spurring me on.

It’s quiet on Santa Monica Blvd, even for a Sunday, and I don’t see my potential interviewee anywhere. Maybe the prostitutes take Sundays off? I enter Magee’s and gaze at the array of frosted and fried goods. In addition to your usual donut-shop fare, Magee’s offers cigarettes, Zig Zags and a wide variety of over-the-counter pain relievers. Kind of funny since they are right next door to a 7-11.

The woman behind the counter has a friendly face and smiles broadly when she asks what I would like to order. The “B” grade in the front window makes more sense when a large chunk of food flies from her mouth and lands on the bright yellow counter top. Embarrassed, she runs her fingers through her untamed hair.

I order the ham and cheese croissant (heated), an old-fashioned glazed donut, a chocolate cake donut with sprinkles and a medium-sized cup of coffee. The croissant is wide, flat and greasy, indistinguishable from the ham and cheese croissants offered at most donut shops. The old-fashioned glazed is pregnant with frying oil and a few bites of it are more than enough. I happily devour my chocolate cake donut with sprinkles, because I find these are good even when they are bad, and these are pretty good. The whole greasy pile is washed down with a medium cup of better-than-expected coffee. All this belly busting sets me back a mere $3.75.

»continue reading Magee’s Donuts: Where Have All the Trannies Gone?