For Christ’s Sake! It’s That Time of Year Again…

How To Create A 110′ Tall Tree Out Of Multiple Trees And Make It Look Perfectly Fake: The Grove Christmas Tree Primer

1. Put up gigantic phallic tree trunk, sans branches
2. Add PVC sprinkler piping
3. “Screw” branches into place, tying or affixing to other branches where need be
4. Not too many, and not too irregular! Make it perfectly, abnormally conical
5. Leave room for ample Nordstrom packages at base
6. It looks perfectly abnormally conical, but still too much like a real tree
7. Spraypaint that motherfucker an abnormally uniform forest green
8. Add ornaments, lights and you are done! The tree shall tower over the Hasidic core of Los Angeles like no other before it, with the exception of the one that was constructed and stood in this verysame spot last year, and the one the year before that, and so forth, beginning in 2002 Anno Domini.

»continue reading How To Create A 110′ Tall Tree Out Of Multiple Trees And Make It Look Perfectly Fake: The Grove Christmas Tree Primer