How To Create A 110′ Tall Tree Out Of Multiple Trees And Make It Look Perfectly Fake: The Grove Christmas Tree Primer
For Christ’s Sake! It’s That Time of Year Again…
How To Create A 110′ Tall Tree Out Of Multiple Trees And Make It Look Perfectly Fake: The Grove Christmas Tree Primer
- Put up gigantic phallic tree trunk, sans branches
- Add PVC sprinkler piping
- “Screw” branches into place, tying or affixing to other branches where need be
- Not too many, and not too irregular! Make it perfectly, abnormally conical
- Leave room for ample Nordstrom packages at base
- It looks perfectly abnormally conical, but still too much like a real tree
- Spraypaint that motherfucker an abnormally uniform forest green
- Add ornaments, lights and you are done! The tree shall tower over the Hasidic core of Los Angeles like no other before it, with the exception of the one that was constructed and stood in this verysame spot last year, and the one the year before that, and so forth, beginning in 2002 Anno Domini.
This primer (How To Create A 110′ Tall Tree Out Of Multiple Trees And Make It Look Perfectly Fake: The Grove Christmas Tree Primer) is also available as a downloadable PDF. Download the PDF here
Yes folks, The Grove will light its ridiculously huge, bizarrely-fake-looking-yet-actual-tree-parts-inclusive Christmas tree on Sunday, November 23, so plan accordingly. Join us now in a rousing singalong of “Mistletoe and Holly, Grove Style” just like we did last year!
Oh, by gosh, by golly
It’s time for mistletoe; Grove holly!
Tasty pheasants, Grove-bought presents
Not forgetting your favorite faux-snow
Oh, by gosh, by jingle
It’s time for carols and Grove Kringle!
Overeating, merry greetings
From relatives at the Grove!
Then comes that big night,
Giving Grove’s tree the trim
You’ll hear voices by starlight
Singing a Grove-side hymn
Oh, by gosh, by golly
It’s time for mistle-Grove-toe; holly!
Fancy ties, and granny’s pies
And folks grovin’ a kiss or two
As they whisper, “Merry Grove-mas” to you!
SPECIAL BONUS PHOTO GALLERY
It’s like an arboreal Voltron.
Magnificent!
I used to work at 5900 Wilshire and I could see the tree from my office window.
I need a team of volunteers to help me outfit the whole 110′ tree with Halenballz this year. Halenballz now on sale, $9.95 a throw at vanhalenstore.com. Get into the spirit of the Halen, buy a gross, help me hang them. They’ll be finishing up soon. The tree’s paint is drying at present and the boxes are out!
[...] GROVE: 110 feet tall — and quite a feat. Los Anjealous has a step-by-step account of how The Grove gets its tree up (hint: plenty of PVC [...]