The Bluetooth Headset: The Ultimate Weapon

You know what really grinds my gears? These goddamn Bluetooth headsets you’re seeing everywhere around town. That gray and blue wedge is tacked on ears everywhere. I mean, what’s the deal? Do you keep them in your ear, full time, walking around like you’re on the damned Enterprise? The light indicates that it is in use but you rarely see it glowing on these guys that sport them. Are these predominantly an L.A. thing or are they everywhere? I’m at the Farmer’s Market getting some french toast the other day and like every guy has one. Well, not every, but at least 9 out of 10 guys. I notice these are bigger with the guys versus the ladies. Is this simple compensation or a techie thing that slants to the XY?

I saw this dude the other day on Sunset and he had the Bluetooth in one ear and his iPod cable dangling from the other, I kid you not. Can we get this guy a couple more head orifices so he can make more branded lifestyle statements?

I have a great idea for Bluetooth placement in a feature film to put them over the top. In the 3rd act climax of a hijacking thriller, when the undefinably-ethnic terrorist is finally wrapped up by our hero (a crusty but benign retired cop–think Harrison Ford/Nick Notle) and they grapple on the floor in first class, our hero reaches out and yanks the Bluetooth headset from the terrorist’s ear and jabs it in his eye all in one motion. We get a good shot of the logo of the headset on the closeup of it in his eye. Our hero says, “You’ve been disconnected.” Or some other great line. We can work on this–maybe you have some ideas. But the message will be as clear as the reception on your phone: Bluetooth defeats terrorism. Think about it, Bluetooth. I’m available for copywriting.