Profile: The Liquor Bank

I found myself near the EDD offices on Crenshaw the other day (don’t ask). While in the area I found a new bank that I’ll be shifting all of my assets to, effective immediately. From the greeters at the front door to the personal booze assistants who guided me through the long-term plans they have for all of my money, I would not hesitate to recommend this bank to anyone. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that an initial investment of $45 yields a considerable amount of Hennessey before investor fees and applicable taxes.

From the bank’s home boozing investment brochure:

The Liquor Bank is one of the city’s largest liquor institutions, serving individual consumers, small businesses and large corporations with a full range of booze, hooch, sauce, juice management and other alcohol and tobacco-related products and services. The company provides unmatched convenience in the city of Los Angeles, serving 11 million alcoholics with 5,700 types of booze, more than 16,000 cans of beer and award-winning online boozing with more than four million active users. The Liquor Bank is the No. 1 Small Business Administration Booze Provider in the city of Los Angeles by the SBABP. The company serves clients in 150 countries and has relationships with 96 percent of the U.S. Fortune 500 companies and 82 percent of the Global Fortune 500. The Liquor Bank (ticker: BOOZ) is listed on the New York Stock Exchange.