The Great Shittiest Intersections of LA Debate™: Losanjealous Edition
Disclaimer: This is not a list of the busiest intersections, merely the shittiest. By no means a comprehensive list, it is nevertheless a starting point.
Look at them. There they sit. They serve us patiently albeit dangerously. Essentially they serve us while making no sense all day, every day. Every time you think you’ve got the grid nailed, one of them pops up out of nowhere and fucks you right the hell up, but proper. Please vote on your shittiest. Or add your own. Go on, let it out.
The Beverly/Temple/Virgil/Silverlake mindfuck
I caused $5k damage to my car here five years ago, to say nothing of the other guy’s car. Admittedly, it was completely my fault. Nonetheless it further validates my argument of the shittiness of this five-way intersection which, incidentally, is shaped like an inverse pentagram pointing to the precise location where I was involved in an accident. Talk about bad feng shui, this intersection’s breathing enough of it to fuck Beverly up for another half-mile east.
The Olympic/Fairfax/San Vicente clusterfuck
Why you would be on Fairfax in the first place is beyond me. It’s not like your car will be moving. Fuck this intersection and the Fairfax traffic it generates.
La Brea and San Vicente
Ray’s Statue Shack R.I.P. Nothing further need be said.
Sixth and Burlington, turning left onto Sixth from Burlington
(MacArthur Park) Are you fucking kidding me. The people coming from the north were about a half a block to my right but using the same traffic light, meaning I was stranded in the middle of the fucking intersection, waiting for cars HALF A BLOCK AWAY to weave past me while attempting to negotiate a left turn. Truly boggling. I did have time to buy frutas and a fake Social Security card while my car sat in the intersection, so bonus for that.
Glendale at Fletcher (aka Rowena becomes Glendale while you weren’t paying attention):
While living a block away on Locksley for the better part of a year, I learned its foolish intricacies quickly. I learned said intricacies between the weekly crashes I heard.
La Cienega at 18th
Not sure if it’s the Mcdonald’s /Coffee Bean hybrid or the Circuit City stripmall behind it. Not sure I care, either. I don’t know who’s to blame for all this fucking traffic but it can’t entirely be the 10’s fault, now, can it?
28th and Ocean Park, Santa Monica
Holy fucking shit. I loved working here because the weather was lovely and I could walk to lunch every day. Holy fucking further shit. I hated leaving this area at the end of the workday. Choice A: Fight people cramming down Ocean Park to the east, all trying to eventually maneuver a sneaky onto National via Bundy. Choice B: Fight the fools cramming Ocean Park to the west, all trying to pull a sneaky over to Rose, Palms and Venice via 23rd and Walgrove. Attention All Walgrovers: It’s a losing battle. Admit it. Textbook Westside SUV nightmare zone.
Speaking of National, though…
National as you cross the 10 going east
What a farcical fuckup that can only be learned with repeat performance. You wanted to go straight on National and cross over the 10? Nice try; you are now heading towards PCH on the 10. Yes; it is both the opposite direction from whence you came, and a freeway with limited exits at rush hour.
San Vicente and La Cienega at the Beverly Center
Holy fucking shit. How big is this intersection? It’s larger than a football field. Two football fields. The fucking intersection is larger than the Beverly Center, I said it. Let’s face it, San Vicente cuts through the perfect grid and fucks up everything in its wake from Venice Blvd to Brentwood. How many times did you think you had the jump on everybody else, zooming crosstown only to see San Fucking Vicente up ahead, waiting to completely fuck you up and force you to turn right, regardless of direction? Don’t answer because San Vicente bites it eternally and you will not convince me otherwise. It’s the equivalent of the Valley’s Lankershim. Speaking of…
Are you joking me? This is the valley version of San Vin/La Cienega, without the shadow of the Beverly Center. Maybe it’s better as a result. Still, this intersection is ridiculously large. Even when all signs point to go, it’s ominous. Especially when all signs point to go. I don’t get out here often enough but intersections like this one and Lanker/Tujunga/Burbank easily merit a place on this list.
9th and Figueroa
Downtown one-ways can be infuriating enough. Let’s lump them all here. Welcome to the Original Pantry. We never close. Arrive via 8th place or don’t arrive at all. Good luck with the parking lot! (aside: Langer’s parking lot is considerably worse, tactically, but that’s a post for another day)
Any Trader Joe’s parking lot before 9pm, including Torrance and Thousand Oaks
One exception: Canoga Park TJ is the odd duck, situated in a brand-new strip mall with acres of parking to spare. ’Sup, Valley.